Happy Fourth!

4th of july

Happy Fourth to all who celebrate!

Tues:

So far a really good day on our anniversary staycation. The bed was pretty comfortable and I slept in till about six. We got up and went to the fitness center and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. I’m definitely getting into the habit of at least some exercise.

So after the fitness center, it was spa time. We rented a cabana by the spa pool. It was ideal….a nice breeze and peace and quiet by the pool. I got a massage. I think it was one of the best massages I have ever had. It started with a long scalp massage. How wrong can you go on that?

Wed:

Finished up a great day yesterday- had a facial. It got pretty hot in the cabana, so we decided to go back to the room and rest. We were surprised from some different friends: a HUGE bouquet of delicious cookies, a bottle of champagne, and a little dessert cake. People were really nice. We had some coffee on our patio and decided to pack up and go home. I drove home from the resort! Didn’t even have many nervous moments. Came home, unpacked, and worked on my phone apps. Did not eat too well (healthy) on our little vacation. I need to hit it hard if I plan to lose 6 pounds in July.

schedule for tomorrow:

laundry, shower, sew for 15 minutes, devotionals, see therapist and drive there alone.

Thurs:

Well, things didn’t exactly turn out as planned. I didn’t do laundry or take a shower. I DID do my devotions and have a phone session with my therapist. My hands were a lot less shaky. I just felt tired today. I did do a lot of resting. I think I was a little worn out from the anniversary celebration. It sounds like an easy day (and it is!) to spend the day at a spa and pool but it is out of my comfort zone.

Did I tell you I actually volunteered for something? Next spring our women’s retreat repeats and I volunteered to help with it. That gives me ten months to get my act together.

Tomorrow I hope to do better.

Fri:

Just a sucky day all around. I woke up at three with a headache. It was bad enough I took some Imitrex. This knocked me out to where I missed my support call with my friend. I didn’t even wake up till nine. My head still hurt. Then the whole family was going to the movies but of course I was afraid the noise would hurt my head. I finally gave up and also cancelled my CBT appointment. I have never done that before and was pretty disappointed in myself.

I don’t feel depressed, just frustrated and angry with myself. I need to get in the shower and get myself together. But I know I won’t. I know I will spend the entire day on the couch drinking coffee, diet coke, and ice water. I’ll also probably listen to my audiobook.

I talked to my regular therapist on the phone yesterday. She wants me to TRY to come in to see her in person next week. I know I can drive it by myself, so I am proud of that. She and I talked about a lot of good things yesterday. Like what I’d like my “ideal” day would look like.

One thing we both discussed was my energy level. I am taking quite a few meds and I know they are slowing me down. A handful in the morning and a handful at night is a problem. But I am following my doctor’s orders and I want to be med compliant. I do NOT want to wind up in the hospital.

Sat:

A tough day in the morning but there is a glimmer of hope. I just did not want to walk this morning and so I didn’t. But I am going to have lunch and go see a movie with my friend, Pat. I didn’t want to go. I know I can drive it myself, but I think I will need Klonopin to do it. So my husband is taking me and Pat is bringing me home. So I can basically take as much Klonopin as I want…not that I plan on taking a lot.

I am getting pretty attached to my couch. I just don’t want to go anywhere. But I already have my shower and Pat is an easy friend. (She does most of the talking).

Tomorrow my big goal is to get to church.

Oh, how I wish I could be “normal”. Just get up and go and not think a thing about it. Just drive and stop here or there as needed to pick up some things. I am working on everything, but it is two steps forward and one step back. Just take a shower without a thought. Sigh.

Sun:

Okay, decent news so far. I made it to the movie with my friend Pat and was not scared of riding at all. I also did fine…did not have any sort of panic. Today went to church and was very unemotional. This is good because I used to cry all the time during the hymns. I think I am feeling more stable. My husband and his friend are going to a baseball game this afternoon. My daughter and I have a movie to watch at home.

We bought a package of fireworks for tomorrow night. We are grilling and then my youngest will do his traditional fireworks show. He also has a soundtrack with it. Patriotic stuff. We sit and wave little flags (no kidding.) It’s just too hot to go to a big fireworks event here.

Mon:

More good news! Woke up in a slightly elevated mood! Have a little cold, but no big deal. Looking forward to fireworks and family time tonight.

I’ve run out of room for this week, so will take over and let you know how the Fourth went next week.

love,

lily

 

 

 

 

 

 

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