Better Days

better days

So things are going quite a bit better. I’m not going to win the”valuable life” award, but things are definitely going in the right direction.

I attribute the improvement to the new med, Rexulti. It has lifted my depression. I now have no depression as I judge it. Great news. I’m certainly not hypo-manic or high at all but I am doing well.

My husband and I both caught a nasty cold this past week from our youngest. It came with body aches, headaches, a croupy cough, congestion, and lots of sneezing. I spent a couple of day on the couch moaning. But so did my husband (we have two couches), so I didn’t feel too guilty.

I think it’s common for bipolar people to get extra down when they get physically sick. It sort of throws off your balance.

The Rexulti has come with a small price. That is a higher anxiety level. The Klonopin is amazing. If I stay on it, I feel very normal. If I skip it, all hell breaks loose. I get scared of everything. I am going to ask my doc next week about Buspar or gabapentin as an alternative to the benzos.

So a little review of my week: last Monday (week before this one), my husband and son had an appointment at college to sign up for fall. Danny is now one year away from the big degree. He is doing great with his grades…all A’s and B’s. The advisor gave Danny a big list of things he has to do….such as getting permission to take certain classes. This will be like pulling teeth.

I know a lot of you may think we “over supervise” Danny. But honestly, this kid would probably be on drugs if we weren’t supporting him so much through his life right now. He’s just a special needy kid.

There were no summer classes for him to take, so he is needing to get a summer job. He says he wants to work in a grocery store. So of course, when I was there yesterday, I checked to see if they needed help. Turns out they do, so I told him to get over there. No action so far. If I survive this kid, I will be lucky.

I’ve started back to my bipolar support group. I’ve been there two weeks in a row. They make us rank our feelings on a 1-10 scale every time. I said I was a “5” yesterday. Not good, not bad. Some of the people are 9’s or 10’s, so I think I can learn something and get my mood up. Of course, there was a guy who was a “1” and a couple of 2’s and 3’s. Anyway, for right now, it is a good thing.

I finished my last quilt top and got it ready to be mailed off for machine quilting. I cut up some new fabric for the next quilt. It will be a really pretty sapphire blue and white.

I wasn’t feeling too good with the cold, so I called in to talk to my therapist. I went over my guilt as to some of the things I did while manic. A lot of this stuff (but not all) happened like 30 years ago. She says it is time to move on (no kidding).

I met with my devotional partner on the phone. She has a lot on her plate (a sick husband) so it made me appreciate my own situation.

Friday was Danny’s 22nd birthday. We always give the kids money and let them pick their dinner and a dessert. He picked donuts from a special store far away and wanted to go out for pizza. Well, both his dad and I were sicker than dogs. My kind daughter agreed to go get the donuts and we wound up taking out the pizza. He also wanted new shoes, so I handed him the cash and told him to go get them. At 22, he still acts thirteen. Our fault, but it beats some of the alternatives.

Saturday I took a shower. I had been less than faithful to the shower since I had been sick.

Now some really better news…..you all know I’ve had some driving and riding anxiety. But yesterday, my husband was so sick he could not get to the grocery for us. So I did it. I drove over and shopped and went to McDonald’s to pick up a Diet Coke. I was scared like crap to go to the grocery. I haven’t been alone for probably a year. I’m not kidding.

I dropped some fresh green beans on the floor there but picked them up. I don’t think anybody noticed. My hands were sure shaking. I found everything and went to check out. I was a little behind the times with the part about sliding your chip in on the credit card. But I did it.

I also drove (quite a ways) to my bipolar group yesterday. My husband went with me, but I did it. I think I could get there on my own.

Guys out here…this might be TMI but I also managed to pluck my eyebrows. With shaky hands, this is quite a feat.

After I came home from the grocery, I told a friend and had tears running down my face. I was just so relieved I had done it.

So far today, I have gotten chicken pesto with bacon in the crock pot and have done my devotionals. I need to make a green bean salad later today.

I have also lost five pounds.

So you can see things are going much better. Not a miraculous improvement, but definitely on the upswing.

Let’s hope it is as good next week. I’d like to get out a little more, but whatever is good as long as the depression is lifted.

love to you all and hope you are well-

lily

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