The Bipolar Picnic

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You’ll remember I told you all I was going on a picnic last Wednesday. I kept a little diary of it to let you know how it (and my week) went.

Our picnic spot was about one hour from home. My husband decided we had to bring everything with us known to man. He is a rock enthusiast so he brought a shovel and his rock pick.

He and my daughter were very excited. (You’d think they never got out of the house!) I was very virtuous and took healthy food along as my husband and daughter were stopping for subs and cookies for lunch. The Rexulti has fixed me a bit so I am not actually starving all of the time. It’s a break.

Our first stop was McDonald’s since I had to get my Diet Coke. We actually got the finger from some other woman who wanted to get in line ahead of us. I got a good laugh out of this as her car had been sideswiped by something and it all looked sort of reckless. But it was great to laugh.

We were starting out of town when I got a call from my friend with the psychotic daughter. Things weren’t ( aren’t) going so well but I’ll tell you more about that later.

I had some anxiety about riding in the car and took two Klonopin. I rode in the back seat which helps a lot. One nice thing…I wasn’t thinking about food.

Our first stop was a little hiking place with a little hill leading up to an old house. I did about half of the hike and then headed back down. My husband and daughter went all the way and enjoyed seeing the house and stuff. I turned on my music while waiting and just enjoyed the sunshine. It was incredibly peaceful.

So this car anxiety: I don’t have it if we are riding along and there are no other cars on the road. I just have it in traffic. So I was comfortable riding along to our final picnic spot.

One weird thing- I still feel mentally ill. I just don’t feel like everyone else. I feel pretty fragile. Like everything is very hard for me and easy for others.

At our second stop where we were going to picnic, there were lots of tents and camper people. It wasn’t too crowded, so it was relaxing. My husband got his shovel and pick out and started hunting around. My daughter and I just walked. There were a few wildflowers along the way and the weather was perfect. We ate our lunch and even though I had good intentions, I did eat a cookie.

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I was sleepy now from the Klonopin, so wasn’t as stressed about the ride back.

The picnic was counted as a big success and it was nice to spend time with my family.

The next day, Thursday, I woke up with a headache. Ick. It was St. Patrick’s Day and we had planned to go to happy hour and then a comedy club. But the more we thought about it…we decided it might be pretty crowded. So we abandoned those plans and just had a nice dinner at home.

My husband took my daughter shopping and they got a hamburger and a bag of jelly beans for me. I’ve been eating a few every day. Probably not too good on my teeth!

I did a call in with my therapist. Went well.

So back to my friend with the psychotic daughter. The daughter is 25 and had a psychotic break about two weeks ago. They got her into a private hospital and she just kept getting more and more violent. They told my friend she couldn’t stay there so they court ordered her into the state hospital, which is really crappy. They had to have the police move her and put her in handcuffs.

Of course, they had no bed at the state hospital so she is in a “holding” place until they can find a bed. She doesn’t know where she is (she is that far flipped out) and she can’t call her mom. So all is utter chaos. This is a single mom and the dad is worthless, so mom is carrying all this by herself.

I have been proud of myself. I have supported this friend and told her to call anytime. I talk to her a couple of times a day. She cries and is stressed out, but I just am sympathetic and give her any encouragement I can. There have been times when I am tired of listening, but I just keep on…I know she is in great need. That’s what friends are for. I’ll keep you up to date on how this story goes.

As for the rest of the week: I got off to a slow start on Friday but went to the grocery store and did fine.

Saturday I took my middle son to the bank. Somehow his savings account (which also had my name on it) would not show up on his accounts online. So he wasn’t sure of his balance unless he asked me. We got my name off of it and just his on. This just shows you how fast life goes. He opened that at 17 when he got his first job and now he is 25.

Sunday was Palm Sunday at church. I still get very emotional when I hear the music at church. I cry a little and have to wipe my face. I’m a little embarrassed but no one has said anything. Hopefully they think it is allergies.

I’ve sort of been wondering about this Rexulti. I don’t feel depressed but I do feel a little lonely at times. Sort of isolated. One thing about the stuff: it is sure expensive. I’d tell you what it cost but you wouldn’t believe me. Thank god I am on disability. We COULD afford it but it would be a big budget item for sure.

So I worried all day Sunday about driving to my women’s group on Monday. My hands actually sweated. I gave up on the fear and let my husband drive. I figure it is better to go than to stay home even if I am chicken to drive. Today I am doing a little shopping and plan to drive myself with my husband in the car. I just HAVE to get back into the swing of life.

I figured out Easter dinner: ham, fruit salad, red potato salad, asparagus, rolls, and some sort of dessert.

On that note I will wish all who celebrate a Happy Easter and a good Holy Week. Where has this year gone? It is going so fast.

love,

lily

 

 

 

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