So…I was laying in bed last night, or more accurately, tossing and turning while my brain raced through every possible thought that would stress me out and keep me awake…In the background one of my crime documentaries was playing and the term “thought disorder” came out in conjunction with schizophrenia.
And it hit me…Bipolar isn’t merely a mood disorder. It is a THOUGHT DISORDER.
By considering it a mood disorder the professionals have done us a disservice simply because “mood” implies something we can control with attitude and behavior modification and such. Yet if it were so simple, we wouldn’t need their medications, would we?
The fact is…When your brain is telling you things are bleak in spite of it being a bright sunny day, everything is going your way, and no matter how many miles you run or how much kale you eat…It doesn’t change. It’s your thoughts that are disordered, not by your personality, but by imbalanced chemicals in your brain. Of course, therapy and exercise and such can help improve your situation in living with a thought disorder.
Truthfully, so can drinking booze or doing drugs. Because it’s a quick fix. Sex, exercise, moving around…It can boost certain chemicals, get them moving, but…like a caffeine buzz, it is fleeting and you end up where you started.
Bipolar and depression are NOT simple mood disorders.
Maybe most of us don’t hallucinate or hear voices or get violent. Maybe some bipolars live fully functional happy lives (usually the singular diagnosed who aren’t med resistant.). And a lot of us struggle every single day to just stay afloat.
Because it isn’t our personalities that cause all our problems. Sure, we all have a past that molded us, gave us scars that throb and cause us to act up…
The real problem is when your brain is sending wrong messages. This is THOUGHT DISORDER.
Like when my grandfather died and I was manic and laughing at the funeral. Like when I got married and spent the day crying rather than joyful. Like when on Monday I hate you for calling me a bitch and on Thursday I think being called a bitch is a compliment…
Same goes for anxiety disorder. Be it some sort of childhood incident that stunted you or misfiring fight or flight response…Your brain and body are telling you to feel endangered when there is no cause. Thought disorder.
I am sick of the DSM (Douchebaggery Simpleton Manual) changing all the criterion and terms in every edition. Liking the color blue one day will become a disorder.
WE ARE ALL WALKING DISORDERS. The only way not to be is to be a newborn baby. Having a past, living life- you develop disorders.
A plethora of us have to balance, on top of this, a thought disorder like bipolar or depression or anxiety. Or in my case, I hit the trifecta with some ADD and mild agoraphobia tossed in.
No more mood disorder. It lessens the severity of what we go through.
I often wonder if while compiling their precious “psych Bible” they actually talk to real live patients. Or is it just a bunch of “professionals” in a room with their precious notes and files, determining how severe our disorders can be labeled? Do they even ask us how difficult living with this shit is?
It amazes me how people can tout “Don’t give advice if you haven’t walked in the shoes”yet our well being is based almost entirely on these doctors and therapists who don’t have the disorders so how much can they really know?
I am labeled bipolar, axis 2.
As far as I am concerned, though, I do NOT have a mood disorder.
I have a thought disorder and until the masses start to differentiate…Bipolar will always be treated as some sort of mild personality quirk.
Quirky I may be, but for a control freak…having a disorder where my thoughts constantly defy my own control…
It’s anything but mild.