Freezing Cold

cold

If you’re one of those poor people affected by the recent snowstorm, you have my sympathies. Nope, this post isn’t about the temperature, it’s about having a cold.

You’re probably wondering how I can create a blog post out of having a cold and you’re right…it’s difficult. But I will plunge in.

I caught a cold from my daughter who teaches first grade. It’s not the worst cold I’ve ever had, but it’s annoying. I’m three days in and I feel miserable.

It’s not really that I mind being sick, it’s that I feel worthless and guilty. I am down on the couch because I am achy and too tired to get up.

I think all of this goes back to the bipolar. I spent so much time on the couch and lately I have been getting out and being productive. So, today, even though I had plans I have to stay home. The good news is…my plans today did not include any other people so I am not letting anyone down.

I feel a little stupid. I am writing a blog for all of you nice readers and I am writing a book. I can do both of those today when I am “down”. So that is not worthless. But still I have the guilt thing going. Guilt is a big problem for me. Anyone else?

Let’s switch over to quilting. I have a quilt top almost done. It just needs the borders. For a new quilter, I am pretty darned pleased with it. It’s the first one I have done on my own. Once I get the borders on, I will send it off to Missouri to be quilted on the big machine they use. They put the batting and the back and the binding on. You can’t beat it.  I found another quilt on YouTube called the “double slice” quilt. That’s my next quilting project and I ordered the fabric for it.

My husband sort of made a mistake and got me in a bit of a jam. He totally meant well though. He bought a gift certificate at a quilting store for Christmas. But it wasn’t MY quilting store, it was just one I had stopped in to check out. So I had to spend the certificate. I decided to take a class there to make a baby rag quilt. Anyway, now I am in a bit of a panic. I don’t know any of the people there. My hands shake terribly and it’s embarrassing. I don’t have total confidence on knowing how to work my sewing machine in front of “strangers”. I’m flustered. I may just not go and waste the $19. But then I feel guilty again. Sigh.

Did I tell you guys my husband and I signed up to be on the missions committee at our church? We are assigned to work at a day activity center for homeless vets and seniors. This sounds right up my alley. We mainly see what their needs are, make a plea at church for item donations, and then haul it down there. We also can work down there all we like. I think this will be good to get me out of my own head and quit feeling sorry for myself.

I have a friend, Abby, who does self-harm. One of my goals this year is to get together with her in person and do something like coffee or a sandwich. I’d like to see her get out of the house. Another thing I thought of was her coming to my house to crochet while I sew. She is so home bound and I hope to make an inroad or two there. I know you can’t force people to do things, but you can gently encourage, right?

Another goal I have in the next few weeks is to call a few relatives of my husbands’ and arrange to meet with them socially. I don’t mind doing this…they’re pretty nice. We have some other relatives I just skip. Irritating people.

On to my weight issue. I have had a few days of eating everything in sight. One thing I learned during this time was that I craved bread, crackers, and cereal. This gave me some more awareness. Anyway, I have settled down and am back on my food plan. I hope to lose a couple of pounds still this month and then lose six in February. If I eat when I am supposed to I am not hungry. But if I skip a meal, watch out!

I’m still REALLY dealing with driving and riding anxiety. My husband and two of his friends (that I like) are going to a rock show in a city about 2 hours away. The plan is for me to look at rocks Friday afternoon, check into the hotel, do a little shopping and then eat (food on my plan, of course). Then Saturday I will hang out at the spa at the hotel. Sunday I will go with them for a little more rock show looking. This all sounds great except riding in the car to and from the other city. I am somewhat terrified.

I think the driving thing started when I was so sick I was unable to drive. My husband drove me everywhere which was the normal thing to do. I was drugged up to the gills and would have been pretty dangerous on the road. Then I got better (after quite a while) and it was still just easier to have him drive. Then I increased my meds and watch out.

I don’t mind the driving fear so much as I can always get rides. But the RIDING fear is terrible. It’s starting to limit my life. My husband is sensitive to it and drives slowly somewhat, but other people drive crazy fast and scare the s*** out of me. I still will drive around my “area” and can get to things fairly close by. So i haven’t totally stopped driving. But it is all a pain.

Thank you for reading this. It makes me feel less guilty about “wasting” a day.

hugs,

lily

 

 

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