Daily Archives: January 25, 2016

Why I told the world I was crazy

Many years ago, I remember my mom and dad arguing about her telling the whole world our problems. And she answered something to the effect of: “the more people know, the more prayers we will get.” And that struck me. Even as a young child I could grasp her desperation but also unwavering faith in […]

A brighter shade of expression

Mandala’s and adult colouring. Are you a colourist who believes this is the latest therapeutic weapon in the arsenal of bipolar coping tools? An opportunity to gain focus, achieve mindfulness […]

blogging by numbers

I’m very interested in why people blog, so I’m going to bore you (again) with the reasons I do. In my first blog post (which I’ve since changed to private), I said… This is not gonna be a great blog. It’s going to be a totally selfish navel gazing experience, I say navel to be … Continue reading blogging by numbers

uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle

I Now have arrived at that point in the cycle where the tiniest thing can tip the scales into the abyss…

My kid has been a disrespectful ungrateful demanding beast for two days, not cutting me any slack. She’s criticized me as much as my shit family does.

I am trying to chisel away at housework, knowing no matter how much I do it will never be good enough, never get caught up from all my tumbles into depressive inertia…I am breaking out in  hives from anxiety.

Do you hear me world? I am SCREAMING UNCLE.

Now back the fuck off and let me have some breathing room before I start stabbing myself with sporks.

All the meds I am on, it’d fucking eat through the sporks, plastic or metal.

And there’s another one. How can anyone be on THIS many heavy duty meds ands still be so distressed?

I feel exhausted to my bone marrow. Hopeless. Kicked in the head. Beaten down.

And yeah, spare me the phoenix references. Appropriate as they may be for bipolar cycles…

I am to the point where I simply don’t want to rise up from the ashes in more. I just want to find some peace and cling to it with claws and teeth.

Leave me in the ashes, please.

Stupid depressive  cycle has me sounding like a drama llama, bloody hell.

Fuck it. I’m taking Restoril tonight. I can’t stand much more conscious time with all the neurotic thoughts flogging me.



Thank you for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award

Thank you gentlekindness of http://gentlementalannie.com/2016/01/24/awards/ for nominating me for the Sunshine Blogger Award!


The rules for The Sunshine Blogging Award are:

  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Answer the 11 questions from your nominator
  • Nominate 11 bloggers and give them 11 questions to answer

My Nominees Are…














Answers to My Questions-  Followed by My Questions for my Nominees

1. What do you like to do first thing  in the morning, if you have a choice?

Have coffee, I can’t start the day without coffee, simply doesn’t work.

2. Do you think we should strive to be “normal” or just be ourselves?

I suppose we should try to be as normal as we can be, all the while being as much ourselves as we can be. What is normal anyway?

3. Does anyone know you well enough that you trust them to “give you advice” about your path and your life? If so, who?

Yes, some friends and my sometime therapist. I definitely trust her, she can be objective, and she is highly intelligent and empathetic, so I definitely trust her. I just wish she took insurance so I could speak to her more regularly.

4. Do you feel more connected to the people you interact with on WordPress, or the “real life” people in your life? Or is it even and balanced?

I do feel very connected to the bloggers with whom I have conversations on WordPress! We, most of us, suffer from bipolar d/o or another mental illness, so we understand a lot of things about each other without having to explain a thing, which is really amazingly nice!

5. Do you prefer to be with people the majority of the time, or prefer time alone?

Sometimes I want to be with people, sometimes not. Sometimes being with people makes me very anxious and I have to come home and be solitary.

6. What do you miss about your younger self?

The being young of course. Also the hope for things to turn out well, the time to work on things, time, really it’s having the luxury of time, that’s what I miss.

7. Favorite tv show? or favorite movie?

Favorite TV show is “Downton Abbey” and “Sherlock”. Favorite movie lately might be “Madame Bovary” and all time is “Amadeus!”

Questions for my Nominees…

1. What is your nickname?

2. What do love the most about blogging?

3. What do you like the least about blogging?

4. When did you start your blog and why?

5. How did you come up with the name of your blog?

6. What are your hobbies?

7. Do you like to read? And if so, what genre of books?

8. Do you believe in keeping fit? If so how do you manage it?

9. Do you have pets?

10. Do you like winter or summer?

11. Do you have any fears? If so, how do you soothe them?