Daily Archives: January 13, 2016

Becoming More Lizard-like (Another Ode to Writing Rejection)

“Tell me about your childhood!”   Hello there! It’s me, your epidermally abundant friend, sharing my latest literary brush-off with you from my neck of the (red)woods. Yes, I’m developing a thicker skin, and it even grew a few millimeters more overnight! At least in my most recent turndown, a different one than what I wrote about last week, … Continue reading Becoming More Lizard-like (Another Ode to Writing Rejection)

Becoming More Lizard-like (Another Ode to Writing Rejection)

“Tell me about your childhood!”   Hello there! It’s me, your epidermally abundant friend, sharing my latest literary brush-off with you from my neck of the (red)woods. Yes, I’m developing a thicker skin, and it even grew a few millimeters more overnight! At least in my most recent turndown, a different one than what I wrote about last week, … Continue reading Becoming More Lizard-like (Another Ode to Writing Rejection)

FInally

Finally got a call back from my counselor.  I should see her Monday of next week. I am hoping that together we can work out a plan of action of some kind to alleviate the anxiety and the depression.

I really am anxious about keeping my stability in the face of all the things coming up that disrupt it. Dance competitions are way up there on my stress-o-meter.  So is a school project my y9ungest is involved in.  It’s done by the fifth grade class every year so this is our third time through it, and it stresses me out every time.

It’s not  science fair,  which I am so grateful we don’t do.  It’s Classroom City. KIds run for mayor, alderman, fire chief, etc. and have to design and implement a business to populate the city complete with projects to sell to their fellow students.  Mine is doing 200 “Fossil Charms” to sell to kids with play money.  Making two hundred of anything is a tall chore.  Mine came up with this idea herself and is making them at home every night to get ready before Spring Break gets here.

And we are preparing to go to Disney World in Orlando not to have a family vacation but to let the younger two dance in a Disney parade.  If you are looking for a  way to ruin a vacation at Disney World for a parent, this is it.  We did it two years ago and it was the most stressful thing between arranging logistics for practice to making sure they don’t dehydrate dancing for an hour in the sun

So between the actual events and the preparation for them (the youngest is now rehearsing for THREE hours every other Friday night), I honestly dont’ know what to do with all the stress.  And that is just what all my y9ungest is involved in.  MY middle one is just as involved and tied up as the youngest is, but she drives herself and doesn’t need me to attend her events like the youngest one does.

At least I am not working and am only taking one class this semester.  That should help.  BUt I can just foresee all that can go wrong and just don’t want to deal with it.   I know it sounds like whining, but that is honestly how I feel.  Anxiety of every stripe.

So pray that my counselor and I can work something out for me not to be a basket case.

 

 


What I Love about Writing a Blog…

blog

 

I’ve been working on a book and have been writing a little each day. It’s going slow, but well.

Today, Wednesday, is blog day and I was thinking about some of the comparisons to writing a book.

With a blog, I feel free to do anything grammar and mechanics wise. I continually start sentences with prepositions. No one cares. My text can be set sideways. No one cares.

I can jump from topic to topic wildly. Since I am bipolar, people just think this is my illness. I don’t have to really have a theme running through my whole post.

With a book, you need quality presentation of the narrative. With a blog, you just need to write.

Books take time. So do blogs, but they can grow quite fast on their own. Marketing a book seems like a bore.

I am probably a much better blog than book writer, but we shall see.

I have a very specific goal with my book. I want to write it, get it edited properly after using my happy “beta” readers, and then get it in format. I want to self publish it and get on Amazon. Then I want to click on the thing and buy one and hold it in my hands. Maybe buy a few for friends and family, but who knows? That’s about it. I don’t need anyone else to buy it. Actually, I’d sort of prefer it if they didn’t. I don’t need more critics.

I have a couple of friends who have gone this route. One of my friends wrote a book based from a well known story. Sort of a prequel type of thing. There’s a good market for this story out there, so she’s had some good interest. Anyway, you know those reviews on Amazon? Well, she got some wild ones.

One reviewer left a two word review. I mean come on. You read an entire book, take the time to get to the review page and you can only write two words?

But (preposition) my favorite review was a lengthy one which basically outlined the entire plot and ending. Talk about a spoiler alert. What are people thinking? I hope if that reviewer ever writes a book, karma will come around.

Another friend of mine has a daughter who writes and self-publishes. She doesn’t have the work edited and doesn’t do anything recommended to get it out there. As far as I know it hasn’t done too well. Even her mother says she needs to do some rewrites. But I think her goal is just to write. She’s not preoccupied with what people think.

I had dinner last night with a friend whose book is at the publisher’s now. It is the story of her depression, through journals she has kept. She is very excited and is as cheery as I ever have seen her. I sure hope her book does well. She deserves it.

Did anyone notice anything different about this blog? I changed my header picture and my tagline.

I sort of fell in love with the header picture after I thought about my title for this blog. You might remember my tagline was “bipolar and recovery”. I now think that was a pretty brash statement. I don’t think I will ever recover from bipolar. If others do, that is great. As for me, nope.

But mental illness is definitely a journey. I think that tagline fits better.

I like my new header photo. It just looks like a journey. Anyway, I hope you all like the new look. When my blog friends have changed things around, I haven’t always liked it at first. Some blog headers are like old friends. But we’ll see how we do with this one.

So as for my week:

I still am dealing with driving and some other anxieties. I am suspecting Abilify is magnifying this. I will ask doc if I can go from 20mg to 15.

Anxiety sucks, BTW, if you’ve never experienced it. It’s like falling with no net.

My kids have some good things going. My older son interviews today for an entry level job with an insurance company. $17 an hour which is good money around here. We’ve practiced interview questions with him and I got his suit all ready to go. If he gets the job, he may move back home for a while. He is currently living 1 1/2 hours away. It’s only 25 minutes from our house. Nothing would make me happier than to have him home. But I know that is only a possibility. He has to get the job first.

My youngest son started at the four year university yesterday. (This is after two years at community college.) He reports that it is “doable”. I think he actually liked it. He only has to go three days a week to carry fifteen hours. Things have sure changed since I went to school.

I drove a few miles today to have breakfast with a friend. Friday night I am meeting a friend for sushi. I’m a little nervous (okay, a lot nervous) about driving at night. If I get too panicked, I’ll just have my husband drive me. Which is a total cop out, but hey, at least I’m not cancelling.

I went and saw the movie The Big Short. Excellent movie! Saturday we went to a meeting at church. We signed up to be on the missions team. I’ll keep you posted on that as we go. But I am well enough to start giving back.

I prepped a binder for my son to go to college. Yes, I know I spoil my kids.

My quilt is going well…just need to sew a few more strips and then sew the strips together. Then borders and off to the big machine quilter in Missouri.

 

Love to you all,

lily

 

 

SEX SEX SEX Sexy Sexual Sexuality

Congratulations if you actually got this far into the post. This is an experiment. After reading about a blogger losing followers and account access due to her writings about the hypersexuality part of bipolar…I thought I’d toss a red herring out and see just how many followers I lose based on title alone. Proving they didn’t read a word of the actual post because, ha ha, pervert trolls…This post has NOTHING to do with sex.

I am putting on my battle armor to go serve a few hours in the ice cold dish of petri for my cats need food and if I go play “lackey friend” to R for a few hours, they will be able to eat another week. And if he throws in a pack of smokes, I might spit shine his shoes. I don’t really want to go, I did more than enough errands and dish time yesterday but..The cats keep meowing, mommy, mommy, we need noms…Oh to have been born a psychopath with no conscience…

My kid slept in her own bed the whole night, if you want your first shocker. Second shocker, the car only died on me six times getting her to school. Yeah, you can’t be accused of high standards when you view the car dying “only six times” as a plus.

Just finished watching the mid season return of izombie. I LOVE that show so much I want to hug it and kiss it and name it George. Yeah, I AM nuts. AND…..

One of the park’s stray females is in heat thus I have had a yard full of yowling alpha males trying to get at her. Which is okay. Most are feral but I’ve made three new kitty friends who let me pet them. I like making new cat friends. People friends, meh…Ya know, I think if people could purr like cats, I might like them more. Something soothing about the sound of a purring kitty. I’m not revisiting that whole “I’m nuts” thing, that’s been established.

I had a nightmare that my tiger tattoo faded out and could barely be seen anymore. I call this a nightmare because I’ve had it less than two years. It took me 25 years, deadlocked on a design from the cover of a catalog, to get this tattoo and demmit, it best remain vividly red and gold. One day I hope to add its counterpart, the blue tiger. It’s based on an old myth that after 25 years still rings true to me so…For some it’s a tattoo, body mutilation, skanky, whatever. For me…it’s a commitment to something I didn’t lose faith in or give up on. Dreaming that it faded away…makes me sad.

One more thing I’ve fucked up on, I had a birthday card with a pic of Spook to send my uncle and um…I got the stamp, card, envelope, filled it out inside…but have forgotten to address it for four days now. Even if I mail it today he won’t get it by his birthday. Why is it even my best intentions fail? Do I have the failure gene or what?

I just get so busy juggling the mundane and doing  the necessities…

Oh, well, toss me in with that motley crew of other “well intentioned” people who just make everything suck more.

I bid you adieu.


Summary of the Mental Health Care Act no. 17 of 2002 (SA)

Summary of the Mental Health Care Act, no. 17 of 2002 Make sure you know your rights and responsibilities! (Redirected from Summary of the Mental Health Act, no. 17 of […]

Puddle Jumping

A chest full of easy freedom
I eyed the narrow road, seeking
Needing bodies of water
A place to rest and be still
Too many puddles on the dirt path
Treacherous, this journey has been
Never knowing if a particular puddle
Hides a tiny trampoline to hurl me skyward
Or if I might be swallowed whole and crumble to nothingness
I suppose it is in the not knowing, wherein the greatest fear lies
Or the dawning realization that the continuous puddle jumping will go on and on


Filed under: Daily

Puddle Jumping

A chest full of easy freedom
I eyed the narrow road, seeking
Needing bodies of water
A place to rest and be still
Too many puddles on the dirt path
Treacherous, this journey has been
Never knowing if a particular puddle
Hides a tiny trampoline to hurl me skyward
Or if I might be swallowed whole and crumble to nothingness
I suppose it is in the not knowing, wherein the greatest fear lies
Or the dawning realization that the continuous puddle jumping will go on and on


Filed under: Daily