I literally did nothing all weekend even though I was sans spawn. Just wasn’t feeling it. More like a crushing inexplicable cloud of blackness was crushing me to the point I couldn’t breathe, let alone feel.
Do I give off a suicidal vibe with my spewage? Because hearing someone call me suicidal really hit me as being….wrong. I don’t obsess about death, I don’t fear it, I don’t cut, I don’t talk about harming myself…How on Earth could anyone take my posts as suicidal?
But then, that’s what it boils down to, ain’t it. Individual perception. We all see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear. And if your brain is altered by bipolar or depression half of what you perceive is suspect to begin with. I’ve said nothing in this blog I haven’t repeated to my psychiatrist, so if I truly were suicidal, I think he’d have picked up on it. I’m the girl with no filter on her brain, after all. I think it, I usually say it.
Bringing me to another point thrown at me. Though not partial to putting weight into the ramblings of people under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or snorted sea monkeys but…It was just one of those things, like the suicidal perception of me, that hit a nerve.
“Lots of people on line are hating on you.”
I sit in my corner of the interwerbs and bother no one. No one is forced to read this spewage by some sort of spork sorcery.
“But, Morgue, you’re such a rebel, what with your black clothes and foul language, why would you care what anyone thinks????”
Perhaps this is where my weirdness truly shines through….I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME.
I do, however, feel entitled to know what I have done to earn the hatred. If it’s something I can validate, like saying “Wednesday 13 could totally take God in an arm wrestling match”…fine. My humor can offend.
If I am hated because I use the word “fuck” a lot or am kidcentric or redundant…Puh-leeze, that’s petty bullshit. If you’re bothered by that fluff, I don’t want you reading my blog cos you obviously don’t get it.
So- hate me with valid cause, excellent, we are good.
Hate me for no valid reason and I WILL perform spork sorcery on your ass.
Just kidding. I am far too apathetic and lazy to be bothered.
In trying to connect all the dots to this seemingly neurotic “Oh, people don’t like her and she’s boo hooing about it” post…The thing is, I watched a movie called “Devil’s Knot” yesterday, based on the “West Memphis Three” case. If you’re unfamiliar, three 8 year old boys were murdered in this backwoods Arkansas town and true to small towns and small minds…
They pinned it on three local kids, “misfits”, one of whom was mentally retarded, one whose biggest crime was being a gifted artist who liked to draw skulls and such, and one who wore black, was a smartass, had been involved with Wicca and oh THE TIE THAT BANDS ALL EVIL TOGETHER….
They listened to that dagburn satan music called heavy metal which is the gateway to murder.
Now, the movie wasn’t funny, there is nothing funny about three children dying, and three teenagers who are innocent being imprisoned for the crimes…But every time they started in with their southern preaching about the devil and occult and wearing black and heavy metal…I laughed. I really, truly, did laugh out loud.
Thank the sacred pegacorn ignorance isn’t contagious. But, wait…it kind of is.
Those teenage boys were convicted based on hearsay, out and out lies, the police coercing “witnesses” and the “satan” mind set. Prior to the murders, those boys hadn’t been more than a blip of “teenage weirdness”. But because it is so much easier to make anyone different into a monster rather than face the fact that most monsters look exactly like your preacher next door or that nice lady at the post office…They put it on the outcasts. And in their small minded panic, no one gave a damn about facts, evidence, contradictions in testimonies…
The law ceased to exist. The misfits were different therefore guilty.
18 Years in prison before they eventually reached an “Alford” plea just so they could get out. The state never admitted any wrong doing. The locals remained convinced the boys did it.
Because they wore black, drew skulls, and listened to heavy metal, for the most part.
So maybe I am too sensitive to being judged on the fluff inane shit.
See, I was the teenage girl wearing all black, listening to Ozzy Osbourne, and suddenly, I too, became a satan worshiper. No one cared that I lived in the boondocks, too young to drive, home every night taking care of my sister while my parents worked…I was a whoring satan worshiping skank.
Perhaps this is why I am so unfiltered and truth bound. Because it takes zero intelligence to tow the party line, to repeat what is heard rather than proven, because it is just easier to see a person who lives in a trailer park and has holes in their clothes and say, “Oh, what a sleazeball” than to really use your brain and realize…That nice looking young man next door is the next Ted Bundy. But he LOOKS so normal.
Love me, hate me, love and hate me. Just have a damned good reason all around.
Because if going back on Lithium helps sort out my brain sewage…I just might find the energy to look into that spork sorcery thing.
Only those with a good reason for hating me will be exempt from the spell turning everyone into human centipedes.
not the least bit suicidal or homicidal, just snarky lil me…