Daily Archives: October 17, 2015

Stand by

test patternHey there, didja miss me? Life became a bit out of control with an increase in my antidepressant. The change threw me into a wicked agitated mixed episode, which in my opinion are the absolute worst. Being depressed and manic at the same time sucks. My kind of mania is generally agitated, not the “fun” kind (no disrespect intended I know no manic episode is really fun, but you know what I mean). I get extraordinarily bitchy, and even almost got in a fight in a movie theater once (I was in my 40s, for crying out loud!). Anyway, I happened to have a Psych appointment on my absolute worse day, so he saw it in action, upped my mood stabilizer, so hopefully it will be smooth sailing for a while.

I’ve worked out a daily schedule, I now have my DBT books and a couple support groups on-line, plus I’m seeing my therapist every two weeks during the next few months which are historically tough for me. Then there’s the kitten…Next door to my husband’s office is a pet shop that hosts our local no-kill shelter adoption kitties. I wandered over there last week while I was waiting for him to be ready to go to lunch (we’re down to one car right now), and saw a kitten that is the exact clone of my old cat who I had to have put down a few years ago at the age of 14 because of renal failure. He had “forced” me to adopt him, and then helped me get through some of the worst years of my life right after I escaped from my domestic violence situation. So back to last week – I picked up this little guy, and he licked my nose, laid his head on my chest and started to purr loudly. But I put him back. I told my husband about him, and he said “Do you want him?” I knew he was just saying it because he loves me, he didn’t really want another cat. There are already three old cats that have been living here long before me, plus a two-year-old he allowed me to bring in right after my cat died. I told him thank you, but no. Today my husband surprised me with adopting the kitten. So here I sit with this warm furry little body, fast asleep on my lap.

Anyway, hopefully in a couple days I’ll be back to my usual posting, and in the meantime I’m also hoping I don’t have any readers who gave up on me while I hibernated for a while. Once again I have to thank Tammy for giving me a nudge.

A Room of My Own

Write & Create Art in a Room of My Own

My friend Dyane Harwood’s recent post A Stigma of One’s Own got me thinking. Dyane takes issue with the non-profit foundation A Room of Her Own (AROHO) for describing Virginia Woolf’s suicide as “took her own life” and for not mentioning her mental illness. I support Dyane for challenging them to rework Woolf’s bio. At the same time, I wonder…

Is it stigma to not mention that Virginia Woolf had mental illness (or had been sexually abused, for that matter)? Is that Woolf’s legacy? Was she not far more than her illness, as are we?

Here’s what I’ve been debating: removing my tagline, keeping references to bipolar in my bio and in my story, but not “limiting” my identity to someone living with bipolar or to being a mental health advocate.

I want to just write, to create art, to have that room of my own. Perhaps we need that locked door. Perhaps that metaphor can include, for some, privacy. Perhaps our illness does not limit us creatively, even as we struggle at times. Perhaps privacy is not stigma. Perhaps, for some, it is respect, it is a lock on a door which only the author, the artist, can open.


Filed under: About Mental Health, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Mental Illness, Stigma, Writing Tagged: A Room of Her Own, AROHO, Dyane Harwood, manic depression, trauma, Virginia Woolf, women writers

Ravi Shavi

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Lqd2Pdyc55A

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c4oTrNTbKcU/

My nephew’s band. He is the lead singer and song writer, guitarist and dancer. Such a little heart throb!


Ravi Shavi

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Lqd2Pdyc55A

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c4oTrNTbKcU/

My nephew’s band. He is the lead singer and song writer, guitarist and dancer. Such a little heart throb!


So happy to report 

That my nephew is home! He is, obviously in a lot of pain, but that is being managed by pain medication. He sat with a couple of friends and had dinner, which I had cooked, and watched a movie. It is truly a blessing to have him home from the hospital. My cousin is relieved though still in very watchful mode. This child of hers, he graduated at the top, I mean the very top, of his class from college. Then he decided to give his rock band a go, and they are well known in Rhode Island, as well as in the rock world. He has an amazing voice and musical ability. His band has recorded at least two albums! He is very creative, he’s made a lot of videos, been in many of my brother’s art projects. He was filming a video for another friend’s band when he fell, from three stories, breaking 11 of his ribs, two vertebrae had hairline fractures, and broke seven other bones on his left side. Oh my god! It could have been so much worse, this is no picnic, but it could have been so, so much worse. I mean if he’d hit his head! I can’t even think about it.  So, we are all very grateful that he is home. He says he may have developed acrophobia, to which I said: Smart! Acrophpbia is good. Happy to have him home, healing, reflecting on his actions and learning. Love this nephew of mine very much. Hoping he has learned some valuable lessons from this awful experience.


So happy to report 

That my nephew is home! He is, obviously in a lot of pain, but that is being managed by pain medication. He sat with a couple of friends and had dinner, which I had cooked, and watched a movie. It is truly a blessing to have him home from the hospital. My cousin is relieved though still in very watchful mode. This child of hers, he graduated at the top, I mean the very top, of his class from college. Then he decided to give his rock band a go, and they are well known in Rhode Island, as well as in the rock world. He is very creative, he’s made a lot of videos, been in many of my brother’s art projects. He was filming a video for another friend’s band when he fell, from three stories, breaking 11 of his ribs, two vertebrae had hairline fractures, and broke seven other bones on his left side. Oh my god! It could have been so much worse, this is no picnic, but it could have been so, so much worse. I mean if he’d hit his head! I can’t even think about it.  So, we are all very grateful that he is home. He says he may have developed acrophobia, to which I said: Smart! Acrophpbia is good. Happy to have him home, healing, reflecting on his actions and learning. Love this nephew of mine very much. Hoping he has learned some valuable lessons from this awful experience.  

  


Afrikaans Gedigte oor Sielsiekte en Institusionele Ervaring

(En twee Engelse vertaalings.) Ingrid Jonker (oor die dood van haar ma) Ontvlugting Uit hierdie Valkenburg het ek ontvlug en dink my nou in Gordonsbaai terug: Ek speel met paddavisse […]

Afrikaans Gedigte oor Sielsiekte en Institusionele Ervaring

(En twee Engelse vertaalings.) Ingrid Jonker (oor die dood van haar ma) Ontvlugting Uit hierdie Valkenburg het ek ontvlug en dink my nou in Gordonsbaai terug: Ek speel met paddavisse […]

Stroke of October

You said you were afraid to sleep now, for fear of another unseen scalpel slicing your life into new segments of crisis and fallout, the befores, and all the unwanted afters.

Stroke of October

It’s the edge of midnight and it's already over; the blade has fallen,probably fell days ago, a week ... but there was no clear nowness ... marking the cleft in your life, the invisible, indelible mark in your brain.