How does one go about “un-fucking” (pardon my French) what one “let” someone else fuck up for you? Yes, this goes back to my ex-husband. I have been seeing a guy for about a year who adores me, thinks I look like a movie star, and compliments me all the time. But, he, like most men I know has this fascination with what I call “boys with boobs.” I am constantly catching his eye straying to young women (not middle aged) in the grocery store, restaurants, etc.; basically every time we are in public.
Now, we get to my ex-husband. For about the last two years of our marriage, my ex would not sleep in the same bed as me, and was not intimate with me. Of course, his porn addiction kept him quite busy. In the meantime, my self image and notion of myself as an attractive woman took a deep nose dive. I also have some excess weight that I have not been able to shed after my go around with Depakote. I have always had a somewhat pathological relationship to the way I look. Now, my main question is how do I “un-fuck” what my ex did to my self esteem, and image.
In my mind, I am grossly overweight. In reality, it is about 15 to 20 pounds; not much more than the national average. What I see in the mirror does not line up with what people see. I do not see beauty. I see someone who has been led to believe that they are too ugly to even be in the same bed with. I knew when I started dating again that this would be an issue; it has been for most of my life. I really do not want to screw up this new relationship because my ex-husband could not see the beauty in me (at least not without several layers of make-up). So, if anyone has any suggestions on how to undo the damage done to me by an abusive husband so I do not mess up this relationship over something like body image, it would be greatly appreciated.