Daily Archives: September 28, 2015

Mental Health Should be a Priority

differenceThere is no doubt that America’s system for the mentally ill is broken.  However, how much have you heard the candidates talk about it?  Have the candidates worked through what they would say if they were confronted with the answer? Is the media daring enough to ask the candidates questions that deal with mental illness?

Some questions that candidates should ponder:

  • Should a soldier be able to still serve after being diagnosed with a mental illness?
  • Are famous people who have a mental illness capable of continuing their careers?
  • If someone is employed, should they be forced to quit because they have a mental illness?
  • Should police officers with a mental illness be allowed to serve the people they protect?
  • Should someone running for political office not be allowed to run if they have a mental illness?
  • If someone with a mental illness lived next door to you, would you want to move?
  • If you found out someone you were related to had a mental illness, would you accept them?

These are all questions that all presidential candidates who are running for political office should ask themselves. That would be the first step in deciding how to approach the topic that no one wants to talk about- mental illness and the broken mental health system.

After they ask themselves these questions, they really need to think hard about what their own opinions are when it comes to the mentally ill.  There is still the dark shadow of stigma as it relates to mental illness.  How much do they actually know about mental illness and have they ever judged anyone because they have a mental illness?  Are they someone who contributes to the stigma by not standing up for them or getting involved in legislation that can change the mental health system? Are they afraid to talk about mental illness at all because they are afraid they will say the wrong thing? Is it easier for them to say that there needs to be a major overhaul when it comes to mental health, but really have never thought about what their first steps would be?

From here, there are different directions and approaches the candidate can take:

First, they need to  re-evaluate their thoughts about the mentally ill. This would require learning as much as they can about each illness, finding out what the resources are where people can go if they  have a mental illness, learning where people can go if they suspect someone has  a mental illness, find out what famous people through out history have had mental illnesses, what major organizations deal with mental illness, and start to realize that they had been stigmatizing the mentally ill or I would predict they would have no chance at reaching the voters who have a mental illness or have a loved one who has one.

If they do think they know as much as they can possibly know about mental illness, don’t contribute to the stigma, have a mental illness, have a loved one who has a mental illness or recognize that everyone in America is affected by a broken mental health system, then they have a good chance at capturing those voters who consider mental health as an important topic that should be discussed in the debates.

It is then up to them to come up with a plan as to how they are going to address this topic that people just do not want to talk about.  It is like Congressman Patrick Kennedy said when he was referring to mental illness and how important it is to face the stigma head on.  He said, that my child and all children should start having “check-ups from the head up”  starting young. That needs to continue throughout a person’s life.

Their plan to bring it up may be solved as there is mental health advocates are on a mission to Make the Candidates Talk about Mental Health. If they succeed, they need to make sure that they do not use words like “crazy” or “psycho” to describe the mentally ill. Those are hopefully common sense. However, they also need to make sure they do not use the terms bipolar, OCD, and schizo as adjectives or very loosely.  They should learn what not to say when talking to people who have mental illnesses by reading the many blogs written about this.

Being sensitive is important, but what America needs right now is to fix this broken system. Here are some of the things that mental health advocates think are important:

  • There are not enough psychiatric hospital beds and psychiatrists
  • Stigma runs rampant throughout society.
  • People are not educated as to what to do when they suspect someone has a mental illness
  • The mentally ill are not getting the help they need when they need it resulting in horrific events
  • Even doctors have no patience and compassion for the mentally ill
  • Mentally ill patients are treated poorly while hospitalized-sometimes abused
  • The mentally ill are being jailed instead of getting the help they need
  • The mentally ill are actually being killed as a result of officers not being trained

These are just some of the problems that need to be solved. As far as solutions, Congress is currently work on bills. However, the mental health advocate community is constantly debating those.

A leader- THE PRESIDENT- needs to understand the problems by gathering as much information as he/she can and then start getting  input not only from the legislative branch and doctors, but also the mentally ill and their families.

So, if you are a presidential candidate, HOW do you plan to SOLVE the mental health system?

If you would like to gain at least 25% of voters (1 in 4 people in the United States has a mental illness) come up with a solution. Please don’t just tell the advocates that you think there is a problem and something needs to be done about it.

Join our group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses or follow our pages Mental Health Advocates UnitedMental Health Advocates Making a Difference and The Mental Health Advocate to better understand our frustrations. We welcome you to ask questions and give input. We would welcome to be our guest speaker and ask us questions and let us know what you are planning to do.  If you are interested in doing so, please contact [email protected]


Mental Health Should be a Priority

differenceThere is no doubt that America’s system for the mentally ill is broken.  However, how much have you heard the candidates talk about it?  Have the candidates worked through what they would say if they were confronted with the answer? Is the media daring enough to ask the candidates questions that deal with mental illness?

Some questions that candidates should ponder:

  • Should a soldier be able to still serve after being diagnosed with a mental illness?
  • Are famous people who have a mental illness capable of continuing their careers?
  • If someone is employed, should they be forced to quit because they have a mental illness?
  • Should police officers with a mental illness be allowed to serve the people they protect?
  • Should someone running for political office not be allowed to run if they have a mental illness?
  • If someone with a mental illness lived next door to you, would you want to move?
  • If you found out someone you were related to had a mental illness, would you accept them?

These are all questions that all presidential candidates who are running for political office should ask themselves. That would be the first step in deciding how to approach the topic that no one wants to talk about- mental illness and the broken mental health system.

After they ask themselves these questions, they really need to think hard about what their own opinions are when it comes to the mentally ill.  There is still the dark shadow of stigma as it relates to mental illness.  How much do they actually know about mental illness and have they ever judged anyone because they have a mental illness?  Are they someone who contributes to the stigma by not standing up for them or getting involved in legislation that can change the mental health system? Are they afraid to talk about mental illness at all because they are afraid they will say the wrong thing? Is it easier for them to say that there needs to be a major overhaul when it comes to mental health, but really have never thought about what their first steps would be?

From here, there are different directions and approaches the candidate can take:

First, they need to  re-evaluate their thoughts about the mentally ill. This would require learning as much as they can about each illness, finding out what the resources are where people can go if they  have a mental illness, learning where people can go if they suspect someone has  a mental illness, find out what famous people through out history have had mental illnesses, what major organizations deal with mental illness, and start to realize that they had been stigmatizing the mentally ill or I would predict they would have no chance at reaching the voters who have a mental illness or have a loved one who has one.

If they do think they know as much as they can possibly know about mental illness, don’t contribute to the stigma, have a mental illness, have a loved one who has a mental illness or recognize that everyone in America is affected by a broken mental health system, then they have a good chance at capturing those voters who consider mental health as an important topic that should be discussed in the debates.

It is then up to them to come up with a plan as to how they are going to address this topic that people just do not want to talk about.  It is like Congressman Patrick Kennedy said when he was referring to mental illness and how important it is to face the stigma head on.  He said, that my child and all children should start having “check-ups from the head up”  starting young. That needs to continue throughout a person’s life.

Their plan to bring it up may be solved as there is mental health advocates are on a mission to Make the Candidates Talk about Mental Health. If they succeed, they need to make sure that they do not use words like “crazy” or “psycho” to describe the mentally ill. Those are hopefully common sense. However, they also need to make sure they do not use the terms bipolar, OCD, and schizo as adjectives or very loosely.  They should learn what not to say when talking to people who have mental illnesses by reading the many blogs written about this.

Being sensitive is important, but what America needs right now is to fix this broken system. Here are some of the things that mental health advocates think are important:

  • There are not enough psychiatric hospital beds and psychiatrists
  • Stigma runs rampant throughout society.
  • People are not educated as to what to do when they suspect someone has a mental illness
  • The mentally ill are not getting the help they need when they need it resulting in horrific events
  • Even doctors have no patience and compassion for the mentally ill
  • Mentally ill patients are treated poorly while hospitalized-sometimes abused
  • The mentally ill are being jailed instead of getting the help they need
  • The mentally ill are actually being killed as a result of officers not being trained

These are just some of the problems that need to be solved. As far as solutions, Congress is currently work on bills. However, the mental health advocate community is constantly debating those.

A leader- THE PRESIDENT- needs to understand the problems by gathering as much information as he/she can and then start getting  input not only from the legislative branch and doctors, but also the mentally ill and their families.

So, if you are a presidential candidate, HOW do you plan to SOLVE the mental health system?

If you would like to gain at least 25% of voters (1 in 4 people in the United States has a mental illness) come up with a solution. Please don’t just tell the advocates that you think there is a problem and something needs to be done about it.

Join our group Advocates for People with Mental Illnesses or follow our pages Mental Health Advocates UnitedMental Health Advocates Making a Difference and The Mental Health Advocate to better understand our frustrations. We welcome you to ask questions and give input. We would welcome to be our guest speaker and ask us questions and let us know what you are planning to do.  If you are interested in doing so, please contact [email protected]


Shame

A friend posed an interesting question to me the other day. He wanted to know if I was ashamed of...

Bad Day

Had a horrid night list night with this cough I’ve got.  And so therefore I’ve felt rotten today.  I am tired of being a good patient.  I’v had three surgeries in seven months and I am tired of being rushed through recovery and having to take up all the slack as soon as I can,  I need a serious rest.  I wish we could schedule a getaway for a few days and just relax. But there’s just too much going on for that to happen  I’m afraid.

ANd I’m nervous about a paper I have coming up.  I haven’t written a paper for a grade in over 20 years. I’m scared that I  don’t know how it’s supposed to be done any more.  I’ll just have to get it done and see what happens. But that doesn’t stop me from being anxious about it,

I finally just sat down and cried and I think got it all out of my system.  At least I hope so.  Bob’s going to be home soon enough.

Hope everyone has a good week.  And I hope I can sleep tonight.


Maniacal Ribbons

Twinkle Magic* * *

As someone with an artist’s studio in my 475 square foot apartment, I’ve learned the art of using space creatively.  I need to be able to see my stuff, or I forget that I have it—so lots of glass jars, open cubbies, and stuff on the walls.  I also try to keep my art stuff on or near my work table, so while the creative juices bubble, I can look up, look around, and see the perfect next step.

I love the challenge of it, just like I love the challenge of turning every inch of my apartment into beautiful, useable space.  It makes me feel creative in a different way, smart with a tape measure and calculator—capable.

BacksideWhen Tammy sent me her pile of discontinued silk cord, I knew I needed them out and visible instead of tucked into little plastic bags.  Then, I thought of the huge jar of trim and ribbons that sits on the backside of my table.  I forget about that stuff back there.  Wouldn’t it be great to have ALL OF IT out?  All the reds in one place?  All the greens there for me to sort through  and find the perfect choice?

All last week I sorted, counted, drew and cut patterns, tried and discarded ideas, hit walls of frustration, and went colorblind.  I knew I was leaning into mania with all the ideas flying and the urgency behind finding the perfect solution.  I wasted a lot of card stock, bought gadgets at Menard’s that didn’t work, but I wasn’t so far into the Red Zone that I couldn’t see the spin.  I could still stop and take a deep breath.  I could still put it all away for a while and go do something else.  I could ask for help.

So, I asked my friend, Cheryl, to help me brainstorm.  Cheryl is a Stampin’Up demonstrator and a fellow Crow in her hoarding and love of bright, shiny objects.  So we noodled for a while, looked up stuff online—like how to make your own ribbon spools.  Then, we went down to her treasure trove to dig around.

3 SpoolsShe had saved all the little plastic cores out of her ribbon spools, and uttered the crafters’ creed.  “I knew I’d use them someday.”  She also handed over her stash of thin cardboard, an old glue gun, and a couple of paper punches.  Mission Control, we have lift-off.

Over the weekend, I made 42 new ribbon spools.  I hung two more spindles from the coatrack I use on the back of my bathroom door for my ribbon storage.  Soon, I had all the ribbon of any quantity from my big, backside jar on spools and sorted by color families.  Cool!

After trying several designs for ways to hang my silks, I settled on this smaller card with a combination of slits and holes.

Ribbon Card

It ended up with a greater capacity than I imagined.  I love it when things work better than expected.

Card Capacity

And it took up very little space when hung on the coatrack.

Capacity Hanging

Last night I finished.  When I hung the last card, I still had an empty hook on my coatrack.  Point. Set. Match.

Whole Rack

I still have remnants of trim and ribbon that are too short or too delicate to put on spools.  They’re back in the jar waiting for the next brainstorm.

Now, if I can just find that receipt from Menard’s…


SAD is making me MAD

Last night’s FML rant was posted from a phone so I didn’t really proof it or post read it. This morning I did on laptop and um, yeah, what a whiner I am. I do get too bent, as the donor used to mock. He’d tell Spook, “Tell Mommy not to get so bent.” I didn’t find it funny, because with anxiety disorder, when things pile up, you DO get bent. I don’t want to invalidate myself by letting it all build up and boil over, but maybe I should try not to let every overload short circuit my brain.

The seasonal affective is really screwing with me. I felt it coming weeks ago when the temperature started to drop and it was too cold to get up at night even to pee. Now it’s getting dark earlier, which means it’s getting cold earlier. Nighttime dark doesn’t bother me, night is supposed to be dark, and the professionals can piss off with their light therapy shit. Which btw, I went looking at these “full spectrum lights” that supposedly cure the seasonal depression and nine out of ten said, “not for use by those with bipolar”.What the fuck is that? Doctors swear by them for depression, yet bipolars shouldn’t use it? Is too much light gonna make me go manic? Cos if so, I’m gonna have a fundraiser to buy some of those lights and stack ’em like Marshall amps. (They’re not cheap when your budget is nil, at least not the “good” ones.)

It really hit me this morning that the seasonal has kicked in because the alarm (the first one, anyway) went off at 6:30 and it was still dark out. I was confused, thinking maybe I set the alarm wrong. Fuck. How can I acclimate when things are constantly changing? And truth be told, even with the depression being brought on, I am coveting the season change in hopes the anxiety will die down. Maybe I can get into the pocket of comfort I need to return to writing, which does help the depression.

I waited months to watch the new show Quantico. Started watching it this morning. Then hit pause so I could write this, cos scumbag brain has had its morning meds and is swirling in its hypomanic glory which dictates TELL THE WORLD HOW FUCKED UP YOU ARE COS GOD KNOWS, FOUR YEARS OF POSTS SAYING IT ARE NOT ENOUGH!

But, since denial is promoted in this society, I am gonna let this graphic speak for me.

Just_crazy-wallpaper-10252456

I have this Chessie cat poster in my hallway, actually, minus the lettering. That cat’s teeth look like they could shred you. Coooool.

I got so bent with Spook’s episode last night, I didn’t update on my Saturday freak out. I know everyone’s been waiting in suspense to hear the rest…Ha ha ha.

Actually, I found some god-knows-how-long-this-has-been-back-in-the-fridge Mangorita and took more Xanax Saturday. Yes, I know, bad Morgue, whatever. It was worthwhile because Mrs. R did come to my door about the trip out of town. By then, I was okay. I didn’t particularly want to go, but I didn’t particularly have an excuse not to as it was to be a quick trip. Spook behaved wonderfully. I was uncomfortable but not spazzing out.

Until we got to Best Buy and the saleskid started pushing his “any computer under seven hundred dollars is crap” spiel. Then I got mouthy and Snarkasma made an appearance. I mean, really? My slave desktop cost me a hundred bucks five years ago. I am using a nine year old Dell laptop with an Acer hard drive swapped that I got for free. I paid seventy five (Actually, R paid half of that) for my Dell desktop on the bedroom. The toshiba laptop with the busted screen was free. So don’t give me this shit about cost meaning fuck all if you’re not driving the computer into the ground with endless gaming.

He started sweet talking the lady who obviously reeks of money about how he doesn’t get rewarded for pushing the pricier computers, blah blah blah. Whatever. Snarkasma doesn’t buy it.

Not to mention, back before Nardil destroyed my brain more than bipolar already had, I was in retail management. Yes, you suggestive sell. But when someone comes in, says, “This is what I want it to do, this is the price range I am willing to pay,” then you take them to what they want and shut your fucking mouth instead of forcing your personal views on the customer. I can’t stand the hard sell. It’s not simply me being poor or cheap. It’s basic respect. Don’t tell me what I want, just lead me to what I am telling you I want.

Needless to say, Snarkasma made the poor saleskid turn beet red by telling his supervisor, when he asked, that the kid had been very forcefully helpful. What? I make grown men cry, it’s my thing, apparently. And fortunately, Mrs. R was bright enough not to fall for their shit. She was however talked into the two hundred dollar Geek Squad thing. Ugh. Whatever. I don’t have seven hundred dollars to drop like that, not my business.

She took Spook and I to McDonald’s afterward, even though I told her I had no money. She bought us drinks and we shared some fries. I was not fond of the public thing but at least it wasn’t busy and I was super calm. (Xan-ita should be a food group.)

Later she beckoned me over cos she couldn’t get Windows ten to connect to the wifi at the house. I hate new shit. I hate the way Windows thinks they are “improving” things when in fact, Windows XP or 7 were basically flawless and they’re just making things worse for those of us who want a simpler interface. (Call me a relic, whatever.)

I couldn’t wait to get out of there, cos R had friends over she doesn’t like, which quashed her plans to go out for supper with him, and it was just tense…Ugh. Marriage is evil. No thanks.

So that was Saturday. I went to bed at 9 p,m. took two Restoril, and slept like the dead. I woke a few times, but for once, I woke in the morning feeling like i had actually slept.

Yesterday was non eventful aside from Spook acting out then turning into devil child. I am hoping once she is assessed for ADHD it will give some answers. Because this morning she acted like I was the best mom ever and nothing had happened. I don’t think this is a case of the kid being unhappy and secretly depressed. She doesn’t like the word no. And if she has attention deficit it explains the aggression to a tee. I am not prepared to write her off. I am not prepared to admit defeat personally, either. My job is to be her mom, not her friend.

She learned that latter part from my mother. When I tried to learn computer repair (epic fail that it was) and Mom  babysat Spook, the child got ruined. My mom is yes lady. Yes to everything cos she doesn’t want to make the child mad. It was how she raised us. Why I couldn’t wait to get out at 17. I wanted a mother, I wanted boundaries. I needed them as a kid. Instead I got slapped upside the head with them as a newbie adult.

Not to say I haven’t played a role in creating my monster. When her donor walked out, I guess I felt being mom and dad to her meant also going above and beyond to make her happy in any way I could. She turned into a spoiled brat and my mom just furthered it. My mom’s mentality is, “OH, well, if she broke her new dvd player, it was cheap. I’ll just buy her another one.” Not what I want my kid to learn.

So I am correcting my mother’s damage, as well as whatever damage done by being abandoned by a “father”, plus anything organic like ADHD while balancing such a limited budget and my own mental issues and the donor doesn’t pay a cent…I think my “bent” status is explained well.

Main thing is, it’s hard and I am still here, even in my mental train wreck state. I am TRYING.

Even if I am failing frequently. I keep trying.

And I don’t even get a lollipop.

Okay. I think I am done ranting like a mad woman. Back to Quantico. Fiction soup for the soul. Then I have to figure out how to get all the way out to the pediatrician’s office to get the ADHD paperwork for the school, cos I don’t have enough gas in the car. Maybe my sister could take me or R would let me use his car. Ugh, I hate asking for help from them. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I accept help, I have no pride when it comes to survival. But with my family and “friends” it comes with years long strings and guilt trips even if all they did was pass the salt at a meal. Hate it.

I wish I could just fly around on a broomstick.

 


Blood Moon

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The clouds got in the way but I snuck this shot in


Filed under: Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Blood Moon, Reader

FML

Yeah. One of THOSE days. Fuck my life. Oddly it wasn’t so bad til I hit my limit on my kid being a defiant and antagonistic troll. By the time she screamed “stupid mother!” because I took her DVD player away for ignoring me…
I sooo fucked up having a kid. I am not strong enough for this daily constant rejection and defiance. Maybe it’s cos I ended up with ‘this’ kid who is loaded with every trait known to set me off. Perhaps it is linked to just how not well I am doing right now and she could be a dream spawn but I would still feel defeated.
I am sick of others criticizing my parenting because my virulent strain of child listens to them but not me when I am saying the same bloody thing.
I am tired of doing my best for a child who daily says she is gonna claim I abuse her so she can go live with parents who don’t make her eat gross food like pork chops.
My ass is getting kicked by the Ebola if six year olds. I am  keeping a brave front up for her because I know taking away her DVD player for calling me stupid is justified.
Does not make it easier just cos I know I am right.
I was never so naive as to think having a kid meant I would always have someone to love me. I am the adult who chose to have a child. It is my job to do the selfless love thing. Just also had no idea my mental state would deteriorate to this point where a bratty six year old is making me too exhausted to want to live.
It is not drama,not a cop out,not an excuse. It may not be how I feel ten hours from now but it is how I feel this moment.
And it is so exhausting I can only kick myself for having the hubris to think I could be a good mom.
I am Minimom.I feed clothe bathe and educate her. The minimums. I am not fun. No wonder she puts me thru Hell.
Is it the stress and depression talking? Probably.
Doesn’t mean some truth isn’t there.
My kid and I are failing each other. She is too young to know and I am too far gone to have
gth

left to fix it.
Fuck my life.