You guys. YOU GUYS.
No, wait, I don’t even wanna say it….I’ll jinx it.
Nah, fuck it, I’m enjoying this too much…
I’M VERY SLIGHTLY CONSTIPATED!
You have no idea what this means to me. I’ve been the opposite of very slightly constipated for like 7 months and it sucked super hard and I was taking Imodium almost every day (which is expensive) and I saw a dietician who recommended that I cut out a number of food items temporarily which made me cry in the grocery store at least once because you try removing garlic from your diet. It’s in fucking everything and it’s delicious and also I wasn’t supposed to have gluten or mangoes which is inconvenient on the first count and just plain mean on the second. Mangoes are angel poop. I’d say I’d eat my weight in mangoes, but I don’t weigh very much and I’d go to town on a more-than-a-Laura-sized helping of mangoes.
So, since I’m feeling a little better for the first time in months, it might make sense for me to maintain the dietary restrictions ’cause they might be the cause of this. But also, IBS is somewhat like bipolar in that people usually have episodes and then are fine for a while. I super hope I’m fine for a while. I’m gonna start wearing alarmingly formfitting clothes. Like so tight that my organs will have to shift to accommodate the garments. STOKED.
For those just tuning in, Irritable Bowel Syndrome and bipolar occur together a lot. Same with either of the aforementioned two and migraines. I have all 3. This unfortunate circumstance can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Bad because they’re a lot to handle and can get really uncomfortable, but good ’cause if they’re related, hypothetically, you could get to the root of the problem and maybe deal with 2 or 3 at a time. Right now, I’m double dipping with Depakote which is a mood stabilizer that also prevents migraines. That’s pretty cool. Migraines are frequently debilitating and I’ve sacrificed entire days to my migraines.
Then again, my mood’s been looking up and I haven’t been spending a nonconsecutive 90 minutes on the toilet in the morning. Wondering if that’s coincidental or not. Trying not to care. I’m not typing from my toilet right now (you guys, sometimes I write these posts from my toilet, you probably should’ve just assumed that, though). So, I may be back here tomorrow to tell you that my victory shits were short lived and I’m back to mainlining Imodium again (I don’t actually inject my anti-diarrheals intravenously, that’d be weird), but that’s a problem for Friday Laura.
So, my sisters and brothers in defecation, I hope you’re pooping like a rockstar today. I know I am.