Sugar Sweet

cake

Thank you all for the good thoughts on the air conditioner. It is fixed, thank god.

If you’ve been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know I have a problem with my weight. I seriously don’t want to die fat. I’m trying something new to deal with it.

I was told by a friend about Overeater’s Anonymous. The meetings looked too far away and I didn’t want to try to get to a meeting anyway. You know how hard it is for me to get out a lot of days, although it has been better lately.

My friend told me about phone meetings. You just call and listen in. You can share if you want but you don’t have to. I called into one and was pretty impressed. It was organized and to the point.

OA (Overeater’s Anonymous) is a 12 step program based on AA. I’ve never had an alcohol problem but had heard of AA. Who hasn’t? But I wasn’t sure how it related to food.

At the end of the call, you can give your first name and phone number if you like. I did that and long story short, I wound up with a sponsor. “Sue” is in Texas and is working the program herself. Part of the idea of OA is giving back so Sue says I am helping her too. I’ve talked to her three times in six days so this gal is SERIOUS.

I don’t want this to turn into some preachy OA blog and it won’t. But since I talk about my recovery on here, I thought I should cover what I am doing to get well. Losing weight is definitely something I need to do to get well.

If you’re unfamiliar with the 12 steps, that’s okay. I’m going to talk about how I am doing on them and what I think.

STEP ONE: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction-that our lives had become unmanageable.

Oh boy. I am seriously in this group. I am definitely addicted to food. What I put in my mouth occupies a lot of my time and thought. I feel guilty about what I eat. I feel guilty that I don’t eat some things, like vegetables. I love sweets. My main thrill of going to a wedding or baby shower is that they will have cake. And I can usually get away with having two pieces without someone knowing.

I like pie. I will eat a LOT of pie if no one is watching. Since there are four people in the household, no one knows who ate it. Let’s talk doughnuts. We don’t get them often, but when we do, they are gone fast.

I gobble my food. Yesterday I was eating a bagel so fast I choked on it. (I’m just being honest here, folks.)

Is my life unmanageable? In the arena of food, it definitely is. I always want more food and love restaurants. After all, they will bring you whatever you want if you just ask for it.

So when Sue asked me about Step One, I said “yes”. I was ready to do something about my food addiction.

STEP TWO: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Well, heck. If you’re a regular reader, you know I have a spiritual side. I’m not saying everyone should go to church but I like it. I found one that is accepting of just about anything. They haven’t blinked an eye about my bipolar. (Of course, they haven’t seen me manic yet.)

Do you remember when I went to that religious retreat last year? There was a women’s support group formed out of that and I attend. We talk a lot about Christ there so I guess I believe in that higher Power. I read a devotional and a Bible passage every day.

So I suppose I have a higher Power. Do I believe God/Jesus is watching my food intake? I wonder about that. Do I believe God can change my behavior if I make the effort to trust Him? I don’t know about that either. God has let me down (in my opinion) at times when I was suicidal and depressed. So will He come around now?

I do know one thing. I am willing to try. I am willing to put some faith in something higher than myself to see about this food addiction. At least I have a higher power I pretty much believe in and know is good for me.

I want to be in the Christmas pictures this year. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to buy “normal” sized clothes. I want to have fun at activities instead of thinking about how much food I can eat without people noticing. I want to know it is okay to feel less than stuffed. I want to remember I will live if I don’t eat everything in sight.

I don’t think you are supposed to focus on weight in OA. I THINK (am not sure) they believe if you work the steps the weight will come off. But I know since starting I have lost 7 pounds. It’s so motivating.

I’m also doing an app that is a food log. I just try to eat to my calorie goal for the day. That’s probably as much of a help as OA at this point.

Yesterday I was hungry. It wasn’t time to eat or snack. I asked God to help me forget about food for a while. I made it through.

So if you believe or not, maybe you will find my journey interesting. I’m interested to see how it goes, myself.

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