Daily Archives: July 2, 2015

Dear Girlfriend of My Ex-Fiancee

I owe you an apology. I’ve judged you too harshly. We were both manipulated, lied to by omission. I realize you were not intentionally hurting me. I was collateral damage.

I think under different circumstances, we could have been friends. And if you are the one he needs to be happy, then I am glad you are together.

You’re a better match for him, a better partner. He finds in you the things he didn’t find in me. It’s taken me a long time to really come to terms with this. It doesn’t mean I’m inferior or you are superior, it just means you two are more compatible.

I hope he treats you with the respect you deserve. I hope you help him remember the good parts of himself, to quiet those self doubts he has.

I apologize and hope you find it in your heart to send forgiveness my way.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: acceptance, anger, forgiveness, moving on, realization

Dear Girlfriend of My Ex-Fiancee

I owe you an apology. I’ve judged you too harshly. We were both manipulated, lied to by omission. I realize you were not intentionally hurting me. I was collateral damage.

I think under different circumstances, we could have been friends. And if you are the one he needs to be happy, then I am glad you are together.

You’re a better match for him, a better partner. He finds in you the things he didn’t find in me. It’s taken me a long time to really come to terms with this. It doesn’t mean I’m inferior or you are superior, it just means you two are more compatible.

I hope he treats you with the respect you deserve. I hope you help him remember the good parts of himself, to quiet those self doubts he has.

I apologize and hope you find it in your heart to send forgiveness my way.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: acceptance, anger, forgiveness, moving on, realization

Dear Girlfriend of My Ex-Fiancee

I owe you an apology. I’ve judged you too harshly. We were both manipulated, lied to by omission. I realize you were not intentionally hurting me. I was collateral damage.

I think under different circumstances, we could have been friends. And if you are the one he needs to be happy, then I am glad you are together.

You’re a better match for him, a better partner. He finds in you the things he didn’t find in me. It’s taken me a long time to really come to terms with this. It doesn’t mean I’m inferior or you are superior, it just means you two are more compatible.

I hope he treats you with the respect you deserve. I hope you help him remember the good parts of himself, to quiet those self doubts he has.

I apologize and hope you find it in your heart to send forgiveness my way.

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: acceptance, anger, forgiveness, moving on, realization

three quotes three days #3

Annie get your gun.

Three score years, and then day three of the threes meme dawned…

Robert Frost, on the whole, can kiss my ass. Poor guy, he didn’t write poems for fridge magnets and posters and adolescent girls, but that’s how it worked out. If I never hear ‘the road not taken’ or ‘good fences make good neighbours’ again, it’ll be too soon. Anyway, I’m South African, eight foot walls with razor wire and sophisticated alarm systems make good neighbours. However, the dude wrote catchy truths and they’re self evident, and that makes all the difference.

image

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost

And oh boy does it ever.

Robert Frost wasn’t the only one to realise how inexorable life is. We often see and describe it as fragile, but surely at the percentage of those who die swiftly and cruelly vs those who live and live and live long before they die, would be less. After all, most suicide attempts fail, it isn’t that easy to die. So yeah kids, life goes on.

And now let us hip and also hop…

‘I don’t wanna die all alone’
but now ya gone
and all I got left are stinkin’ memories
I love them niggas to death
i’m drinkin’ Hennessy
while tryin’ ta make it last
I drank a 5th for that ass
when you passed….
cause life goes on
(Tupac)

Man I’m a hustler I don’t need rap
To move out the hood and live this good
I’ll sell anything that a nigga buyn boys better get that understood
Was born broke up in the hood but I refuse to move back
Life goes on just stay strong ‘Pac tell me that
(8Ball)

No matter if your life is tattered
And you can’t fix what went wrong
Life goes on
You’re battered and your life is scattered
You’re a hook in your own theme song
Life goes on
You’re a fighter but the grip is tighter
And you know that you can’t stand long
Life goes on
Boy it’s gonna get brighter
Life goes on
Girl it’s gonna get brighter
Life goes on
(Pigeon John)

And of course there’s that old school pop song by the Beatles…

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah
La-la, how the life goes on
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da
Life goes on, brah
La-la, how the life goes on

I hate the damn song, so I looked for cover versions, and there’s one surefire way to achieve coolness – add the word ‘Japanese’ to the search string.

There we go kids, a quote, some bitching, some pasting of song lyrics and BOOM, the post is done. Oh wait, there’s more, I have to nominate three of you to do this meme (no theme necessary, just any three quotes that you like). People I nominate for memes usually don’t do them and I’m never offended. Here you go, no sweat if you wanna ignore it.

she’s a bit touched

g-uno

on the rocks

Talking Heads – Once In A LifeTime

This song has been in my head since I used it in a title a couple posts ago.

How did we get here? How did I get here?

You may ask yourself…


As The Mood Crashes

And like a ninja it has crept up behind me and I was caught unaware…MOOD SWING. To be more accurate, mood crash. Into the abyss. And there was no trigger from the outside. It was bound to come, though. I had four days of what passes for stability in my world. What goes up must come down.

It’s not as much a depressive “I wanna die” crash. It’s more of an exhausted crash. I haven’t slept more than three solid hours in over a week. If my kid isn’t waking me, my bladder or stupid brain are. The dreams. Takes forever to get to sleep. Can’t stay asleep. Don’t want to wake up because I’m still so tired. Bound to affect mood.

It’s showing in my “writing” endeavor. There’s no spark, just spinning and redundancy. I think tonight I need to take my Xanax early, cryptify, and give myself a chance to zone out and recharge. God knows the weekend is probably gonna suck as it is July 4th. Even if I am not guilted into some lame cookout (bugs eat me alive so cookouts are a living hell for me) there will the sound of fireworks going off everywhere. Trailer park people are big on the firecracker thing, which makes you a little wary cos ya never know when they might upgrade to firing off guns in their drunken celebrations.

I think I just need a good night’s rest. Or as good as I can get. I don’t get the abruptness of the crash. I barely did any dish time today aside from going to the FedEx office then to get a pop and back home. My kid’s been on about six, so that’s been bearable. I took my meds properly. Still…the crash comes.

And I am fairly sure it comes because I try to live life at the speed others do and I can’t keep up so…Crash landing.

Time for a brain reboot. IF the brain will shut the fuck up and let me sleep. And my kid doesn’t wake me up and tell me to stop eating dirt. I swear when I sold my soul to the devil, I had no idea it was on the condition I turn into a dirt devil.