Daily Archives: May 28, 2015

Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving is what I am!

ENFP

I just took this personality quiz, just for laughs. But there just may be something to this one. My personality type, apparently is ENFP, which is extraverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. It would be interesting to know if people who have mood disorders all sort of group in here.

(ENFP in a Nutshell

ENFPs are people-centered creators with a focus on possibilities and a contagious enthusiasm for new ideas, people and activities. Energetic, warm, and passionate, ENFPs love to help other people explore their creative potential.

ENFPs are typically agile and expressive communicators, using their wit, humor, and mastery of language to create engaging stories. Imaginative and original, ENFPs often have a strong artistic side. They are drawn to art because of its ability to express inventive ideas and create a deeper understanding of human experience.)

They call me the “Campaigner”, which I truly am. I can bargain a piece of a wedge of cheese from a mouse! There so many things here that are so true for me, eg. it says I am independent to a fault, and funnily enough, my mother used to say the same thing about me! And the thing that had me laughing out loud, literally, which made my son turn around from his video game (!!!) to see what I was doing, was the advice “Do Not Lose That Little Spark of Madness!” It also says I am highly emotional… ummm… yes… Also, I am curious, and observant, agree with that as well. Some of my results are below. Fun to read. And here is the website, in case anyone wants to take this quiz themselves: http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test And please share your results as well.

ENFP PERSONALITY (“THE CAMPAIGNER”)

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike Explorers, they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate, the 7% of the population that they comprise can certainly be felt in any crowd.

You Can Change the World With Just an Idea

More than just sociable people-pleasers though, ENFPs, like all their Diplomat cousins, are shaped by their Intuitive (N) quality, allowing them to read between the lines with curiosity and energy. They tend to see life as a big, complex puzzle where everything is connected – but unlike Analysts, who tend to see that puzzle as a series of systemic machinations, ENFPs see it through a prism of emotion, compassion and mysticism, and are always looking for a deeper meaning.

ENFPs are fiercely independent, and much more than stability and security, they crave creativity and freedom.

Many other types are likely to find these qualities irresistible, and if they’ve found a cause that sparks their imagination, ENFPs will bring an energy that oftentimes thrusts them into the spotlight, held up by their peers as a leader and a guru – but this isn’t always where independence-loving ENFPs want to be. Worse still if they find themselves beset by the administrative tasks and routine maintenance that can accompany a leadership position. ENFPs’ self-esteem is dependent on their ability to come up with original solutions, and they need to know that they have the freedom to be innovative – they can quickly lose patience or become dejected if they get trapped in a boring role.

Don’t Lose That ‘Little Spark of Madness’

Luckily, ENFPs know how to relax, and they are perfectly capable of switching from a passionate, driven idealist in the workplace to that imaginative and enthusiastic free spirit on the dance floor, often with a suddenness that can surprise even their closest friends. Being in the mix also gives them a chance to connect emotionally with others, giving them cherished insight into what motivates their friends and colleagues. They believe that everyone should take the time to recognize and express their feelings, and their empathy and sociability make that a natural conversation topic.

The ENFP personality type needs to be careful, however – if they rely too much on their intuition, assume or anticipate too much about a friend’s motivations, they can misread the signals and frustrate plans that a more straightforward approach would have made simple. This kind of social stress is the bugbear that keeps harmony-focused Diplomats awake at night. ENFPs are very emotional and sensitive, and when they step on someone’s toes, they both feel it.

ENFPs will spend a lot of time exploring social relationships, feelings and ideas before they find something that really rings true. But when they finally do find their place in the world, their imagination, empathy and courage are likely to produce incredible results.

ENFP RELATIONSHIPS

When it comes to relationships, there’s hardly anyone around who is more excited than ENFPs to share with their partners the bounty of ideas and eye-opening experiences that life has to offer. For people with the ENFP personality type, relationships are a joyous process of mutual exploration and imagination, a chance to connect with another soul. ENFPs take their relationships seriously, and are known for their uninhibited and unshakeable devotion to the people to whom they’ve committed their hearts.

ENFPs have the advantage of irresistible charm when it comes to attracting a partner – ENFPs’ warmth, excitement and passion are simply alluring.

In the dating phase, if ENFPs can be said to tolerate such a formal process to begin with, they will show these qualities by showering their new flames with affection, and will do everything they can to build a strong relationship by demonstrating their devotion and reliability by whatever means available.

You Cannot Live Without a Fire

Long-distance relationships are quite common among ENFPs, as they view physical distance as just another idea, no match for concepts like love. This gives them the chance to demonstrate their commitment, both by staying true despite the physical separation, and with overtures of effort to surprise their partners, crossing that distance on a whim. These are demonstrations of ENFPs’ mystery, idealism and deep emotion, and such efforts often keep the flames of a relationship burning bright.

People with the ENFP personality type express these ideals sexually as well, exploring the physical with imagination and passion, viewing these times together as a chance to let their feelings for each other shine, sharing their love and affection. ENFPs will willingly experiment with their partners, even early in a relationship, but they can also be oddly perfectionistic, believing that these physical acts are a representation of their deeper love, and as such should not be performed carelessly. This perfectionism is also a reflection of their sensitivity, their desire to not disappoint, and ENFPs appreciate a well-placed compliment.

Not everyone can handle the excitement, occasional neediness, and emotional ups and downs that this philosophy entails, whether long-distance or long-term, mystical or physical. ENFPs constantly explore new ideas and improvements, fantasize about future possibilities – in dating, this tendency to look at potential rather than the present can be self-defeating, and their spontaneity makes it harder to stay focused on their end goal of a long-term relationship. If their partners aren’t able to reciprocate these acts of excitement and devotion, ENFPs will likely end up feeling unhappy and misunderstood.

So, You Think You Know the Real Me?

ENFPs go all-in with their relationships, and if they fall apart despite their efforts, they can end up plagued with questions about why the relationship failed and what they could have done differently – without a buoy, these thoughts can crush ENFPs’ self-esteem as they sink into depression. It’s important for ENFP personalities, as with anyone, to remember that relationships are in all ways mutual – mutual interest, mutual growth, and mutual responsibility – and they can’t be solely accountable.

After a trial like this, ENFPs may be reluctant to open up and commit, and it can take years for a partner to navigate their bewildering depth and intensity, falsely believing that ENFPs’ enthusiasm and apparent openness means that they wear everything on their sleeves. The reality is that ENFPs’ spontaneity, the seeming inconsistency and erraticism the untrained eye sees, isn’t a product of flightiness or lack of depth, but the opposite – it is a drive to express ideas about a mystical, all-encompassing energy, in the confines of a physical world, and underlying it all is the uniting principle of love, expressed in many different ways, but unshakeable and infinite at its core.


Whine and Cheese

Six thirty p.m. and my kid has about whined me into submission. It’s just neverending with this child. She scraped her hand and I tended to her, made sympathetic noises, put THREE bandaids on because she kept pulling them off and making the scrape bleed again for more sympathy…I’ve hit the wall here. Every sound is like nails on a chalkboard. I have no energy left to do anything I might enjoy or remember that I used to enjoy. And yeah, I know, I know, how can you be exhausted when you don’t even have a job, blah blah blah.

Thing is, earlier I was okay. I mowed the lawn, put down some mulch, folded some laundry. (Never did get to the dishes but they’re not my favorite, fuck ’em.) I’ve spent the day cooking gravy to feed the newbie kittens because they’re barely eating the crunch food. I really wish my sister had told me the nine week old kittens weren’t weaned yet. I’m tending to them as much as I am Miss Whinerly. (I didn’t give her that nickname, but it sure is appropriate.) My dad even stopped by with his gloom, pointing out spots I missed in the lawn and why is my shed open and why haven’t I laid out the mulch already…And I barely felt a blip, unlike the other day when I was torn between going stabby with a spork or bursting into hormonal tears. How the fuck can I keep up when every day is a different mood cycle? Throw in ten days a month my hormones go bonkers, I’m screwed without a kiss.

But the point of this post is not to bitch, though venting really is good for the soul. It’s just to show that even when I start out in a good place and maintain it for a few hours…The chaos of my kid and traffic and barking dogs and all the neighbor kids on the loose and crying kittens and…I could use a Xanax the size of a hubcap. Except it probably wouldn’t do much but calm me and I’d still be awake ten hours from now. Yet everyone talks abut how 1mg will knock a person out. Ha. And it’s not tolerance. My first shrink put me on 1mg three times a day out of the gate and it didn’t make me groggy. Which is the appeal of Xanax for me, I don’t want to be loopy. I just want to be CALM.

 I got the wrong kid for that, she is…High spirited? Hyper? Whiny? Or am I just super sensitive and wimpy? Who even knows. What I do know is that the “stability” seems to be solidifying, at least in the extremity of my mood swings, since the Trileptal was added. His theory that it would have an anti depressant effect has proven to be false. I’m still down, still enjoying nothing, still viewing life as this exercise in futility that is sapping my soul out from every pore exposed to air. It’s not being defeated so much as it is just admitting…I feel no joy. Earlier, I even pondered, “Is this what wearing a condom is like for men? You feel something but it’s not good, it’s just…numb sensation.”

Yes, I am prone to such bizarre thoughts. But the metaphor, depression as a prophylactic that dulls sensation, is pretty appropriate. I am just glad the suicidal and angry stuff died off with the Latuda. I don’t buy the hypomania excuse el shrinko gave. I think once more I have a doctor with his own predispositions, biases, and theories, and once more, I have to “forget” what his predecessors planted in my brain as fact and learn to roll with his approach and style. One thing that should be consistent for mental illness is your care. Yet it’s not. For me, it’s just a revolving door of shrinks, none of whom can seem to agree on anything, and I am forever jumping through hoops trying to keep up with what the new regime and disorder de jour are. I’ll find out this week’s menu on Friday. Maybe by then I’ll be manic and he can claim it’s depression, since he seems hell bent on turning all that I’ve been taught over the years topsy turvy.

Because hey, even if he’s finally the one who has it right…He’ll leave soon or they will hire on another doctor and shuffle me to them and he will have different ideas and once again, it will be learning a new dance because the steps to the old dance have changed. Joy, joy, happy, happy.

Still…Aside from rattled nerves (really rattled nerves, yapping dogs make me sort of lose it. Kid (looove the way I refer to anyone younger than me as a kid, I have gotten sooo fucking old)  from next door just knocked and I said fuck it and answered in my long tank top and undies (place is a sweat box, I like being comfy). He wanted to bum a smoke. And I don’t even mind, he’s nice enough, pays me some change when he can, or buys me a small bag of tobacco. Way I see it, if someone is decent enough to accept not just a home rolled cigarette, but also menthol, without bitching and moaning…I like ’em. Got no use for spoiled brat “must be non menthol brand name” even when bumming. Idgets.

The spawn has done the unthinkable. She is taking a nap. Oh, yes, so close to bedtime, I should totally be freaking out. Yet I’m not. There’s no school tomorrow so we can stay up late, sleep late, nothing to do tomorrow. Maybe I will take her out with her bicycle, let her ride. Oh, but I can’t because she’s outgrown her helmet. (The snowflakes today are so pampered, it’s like you’ve gotta do all but clothe them in bubble wrap for a bike ride, and yeah yeah, safety blah blah, but I survived childhood fine without all that safety gear.) Maybe a walk? I’d say water wars but I have yet to get out to Dollar Tree and buy the water shooters we’ve turned into a summer tradition. Hmm…Guess I could just turn her loose on Neopets until a good idea strikes me. Of course, it always hinges on, where in my sanity/insanity cycle will I be come tomorrow? It’s like a lottery with no prize.

I am calming down. Time to feed the newbies some chicken gravy with their crunchy food. I could take a shower and take the weed whacker to my legs but…I’m not feeling it yet. In fact, I am feeling that depressive tug toward my crypt, that fight or flight bell ringing inside, telling me something bad will happen if I don’t ensconce myself in the safe zone. It’s nuts and the doctor says to fight it but…How long do I have to do so before admitting…I am losing this battle, which just makes it worse? I remember summers when I wasn’t exactly doing cartwheels but I wasn’t in this dank place, unable to enjoy anything, always sounding so hateful, so angry, no matter what my words or intent. This is just a sucky place to be, no sunshine to be spewed.

With any luck on Friday, I can sway him to try a new anti depressant. The Prozac’s not helping after six months, it’s obviously just not combining well with the other meds for optimal results. I need a new drug. Except that makes it sound like fun and psych meds are anything but fun. (See Latuda.)

I’ll call today a small victory. I accomplished a few things. I’m now going to collapse and try to recharge because I know later,  my kid will wake and be wound for sound making sleep for me a far off dream. Oh, well. Time to get used to it. After Friday…She’s mine every day for three months.

Now someone bring me the orgasmic chocolate, the glitter glue, a bag of sporks, and maybe a fifth of cake vodka. It’s gonna be a long summer and I am gonna need that kind of therapy.