Surprised myself by actually getting up and wanting to go to church. I have a new blue dress that makes me look decent and I had showered the night before. Progress!
I got in the pew at church and they were already singing. They start the singing about ten minutes before it starts just to get everyone warmed up. So I joined in but I started crying right away. Just tears rolling down my face. I think this is the Abilify messing with my emotions. I mean, I’ve felt teary before at church but not this much for no reason.
After church, we went to a graduation party for my youngest nephew. My sister-in-law did her usual great job on the food. I tried to hug her and tell her how nice it looked, but she is sort of distant. But I got good hugs from all the kids and my brother-in-law. You’ll remember I am trying to be more of an aunt to these people.
We saw people at this party I haven’t seen in years. I was a little self-conscious about my weight but whatever. I have lost three pounds this months so far, so I am hitting my goal. For all you dieters out there, I have a question. How do you portion control at parties and restaurants? If there’s food sitting there, I figure I may as well eat it. I make decent choices at home, but going out is not good.
I noticed something else weird. I would join in or feel compelled to say something when two other people were talking. Sort of interrupting. And saying random things. Things that just sort of came out. Nothing bad, it just felt compulsive. I THINK…am not sure, this could be a sign of hypomania.
I came home, took a nap, and tried to tie a necktie on my oldest son who had to go to a wedding. My husband was gone and I hadn’t done it in a while. Quite hysterical. I am writing this, plan on listening to my audiobook and going to sleep.
Memorial Day and I sort of gave up. I thought about grilling something, but couldn’t get moving. Had also set aside time to declutter the den. Didn’t get to that. Just stayed on the couch and watched the world go by.
Am starting to think I want more out of life than this.
Actually got up and met my friend for breakfast. This is that friend some of you will remember from a post I did. She did not mention her ex husband ONE time! I was stunned. I had lemon poppy seed pancakes which are not on Jenny Craig.
Next, I met my husband at the phone store to get a new phone. I had accidentally slung mine across the room and cracked the screen.
My husband worked for the phone company for thirty years in corporate sales, so he knows his phones. Even so, I felt like crying by the time we got out of there, one and a half hours later. I wound up with a giant looking iPhone which helps me see things a lot better. I can even see and read my blog on it. My son sat down and transferred everything over to the new phone. I did lose a little music but that was okay.
My next stop was with my personal trainer. This was a disaster. She had me warm up on the bicycle a few minutes and then starting doing these leg lifts on this weight machine. Suddenly I got this serious headache. Like I couldn’t see out of one eye. The pain was amazing. I half thought I was having a stroke or something.
I called my husband to pick me up, came home and took a migraine med. I felt better in about an hour. But it was strange. I am SO sick of exercise being a big issue in my life. Some of you know I am trying to lose a pound per week. My trainer said a few rounds on the treadmill would knock that right off. I really have no excuse.
Once again, I was feeling like I wanted more out of life.
I ditched my bipolar group. I am getting too depressed from it. Most everyone in there is sicker than I am right now. I want to shout at them to “get over it”! (I didn’t actually say this…just felt like it.) What a terrible thing to say…I think it is this damned Abilify. It’s like I have no filter.
Danny, my youngest with the “three D’s” started his summer biology class. He’s typing his notes each night and I am quizzing him in the morning. He really needs a “C” in there. I don’t want his dad to give up on his college career.
I needed a shower but didn’t take one. I went to my women’s support group anyway. I figured I needed support and maybe they could support me with dirty hair.
I’ve got some stuff coming up: 2 days with a friend out of town; 5 days with my best friend IN town; 3 days with my daughter away; and then a week at a friend’s condo up in the mountains.
Something is really changing inside me. I want to figure out what I want from life. As bpnurse said…”I can’t just sit here and wait to die.” I could have written her post. It is exactly what I am feeling.
Until next time,