We all know someone who could use a good pep talk….so write them one.
I sort of debated about publishing this, because it makes me look like a flaming bitch, but then I thought, hey, I told you you’d get to see the ugly.
Dear Good Friend,
The purpose of this letter is to write a little pep talk for you. I thought and thought about what I wanted to say. I’m actually glad you’ll never get this “pep talk” cause I am mad. This is a pep talk RANT!
We met about 25 years ago at a Bible Study. We all had babies and kept getting pregnant. I wound up with three and you wound up with two.
I was sick off and on back then with bipolar (although we didn’t know what to call it at the time), but you really got sick with psychosis. Do you remember when you said you could jump off the roof and thought you were Jesus? Do you remember going into the hospital? Do you remember your crazy neighbors who thought you were possessed and needed an exorcism? Do you remember your nutball husband who half believed them?
So you got better on lithium but you and your family went to live with your parents. It was tough on everyone to raise two little kids and your husband always had troubles. He never quite fit in with all of us as couples. He was always coming up with some strange new business idea and you were always concerned about money.
You started complaining about him around 23 years ago. Seriously. I have been hearing it for 23 long years.
Now in your defense, I was sick off and on in there and you were a good friend to me. You listened endlessly when I cried and was suicidal. We even shared the same psychologist for a while. Do you remember him? And what he told you all those years ago?
He told you to leave your husband or be quiet about it. Even he thought it drug on much too long. But you always had excuses. First off, you said the kids were too young, even though they were in school by then. Next, you said you couldn’t survive without money. So, I backed off and said, okay, forget it and just get on with your life. But the same cycle would keep repeating itself. He’d get involved in some crazy money scheme and things would go south.
You even had to file for bankruptcy. You asked my husband for financial advice and he said you needed a divorce to separate the debt and get your finances and retirement under control. The kids were in high school now, you could work, and we wondered what the excuse would be this time. You just coasted along with no action.
Even though you were on meds and seemed very stable, you never tried to work. Nothing ever seemed to appeal to you. I think you had the attitude that once you got married you should have been taken care of. And you had a big chip on your shoulder because that wasn’t happening. You didn’t see all of the other women out there in the same situation.
Finally, you got a divorce. But the complaining has gone on and on. Your ex is dating someone else and you can’t believe that! Your kids are angry at you that you waited so long. And of course, you’re not getting enough alimony.
You decided to go back to school to be a teacher. You took some of your retirement money to do this. I TOLD you teaching was incredibly stressful and didn’t pay well. But you were determined. You took a job in an inner city school and only lasted a few months. You complained the whole time. You got a job at a department store. You seemed to like that better. The next school year you got a job at a private school. You got fired for not having a Valentine’s party as expected. What?! More complaining. Now you are working as an aide in a classroom and figuring out where to get a teaching job next fall.
You are always asking for advice from us, so here it is: get out of that super expensive fancy apartment you are living in. It is way over your means. Find something for half that price, that is clean, comfortable, but not in the fancy section of town. Tell your free-loading daughter (24) and her boyfriend to move out or pay rent. And enforce it. No matter how many”problems” they have. Go back to the department store and get a job now before school lets out. Work two jobs for a couple of months so you have something in the summer. Start looking around for another occupation and think about working a couple of part time things or whatever. Teaching is too stressful…a full time classroom, that is. Quit spending what little retirement you have left. What will you do in a few years?
Find someone you totally trust (not us) and get financial advice from them. Do exactly as they say. Don’t argue and make excuses. Be realistic about your situation. It is what it is.
Don’t complain about your ex anymore. Twenty-five to thirty years is long enough!
Don’t make every conversation 100% about you and your troubles.
Once in a while, make your friend glad you called, because she feels better….don’t be toxic.
Don’t keep complaining that all of your friends have “disappeared”. It’s getting harder not to tell you why.
So this is my pep rally rant. Thank god you’ll never read it, but I feel better already. Go team!