23022015

I got some work! Only 48 pages, but I’ll get paid a very decent amount indeed. It was perfectly timed too, February (along with all its other joys), left me in debt. I’m never in debt. I’m allergic to debt. So I did my copy editing and did it three times, to compensate for my current bipolar brain issues. I worked in a place with cable connectivity only, due to a storm and some damage, so no connection for moi. I think it’s good to be disconnected occasionally though. In previous years I’d have pissed myself with irritation, but things have changed.

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Tomorrow is D day – lowercase on the second d there, because it D for death, but nowt to do with the war. Every generation has a war that they call the war, don’t they. Perhaps oddly, mine is World War ii, purely because nearly all the men in my family (who were alive at the time) volunteered. My mother would have either growled at me for being disrespectful, or rather enjoyed me dubbing the day of her death D day.

Tomorrow is D day.

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To quote Paul McCartney when he had a band called Wings, do do do do do do it’s just another daaay. That song only really got played the year I was seven or eight; when it comes to lyrics, suddenly my memory is sharp once more. I wonder people would feel if I asked them to sing important things to me.

Tomorrow is D day.

It isn’t just another day. Perhaps it’ll change in future, perhaps not. Perhaps bipolar will shrink my hippocampus to the extent that I will forget completely.

Shrug.

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It’ll be fine, of course it will. Days are finite things after all.

People ask whether I’m doing anything special and it makes me think. I might light a candle, burn some incense, maybe chuck some coffee grounds and cigarette ash over were her ashes are buried. A wooden box of ashes and a dead jack russell are buried next to the steps where I watch sunsets, in case I haven’t mentioned it before. I do all of those things from time to time anyway.

I knew February would be hard, but there were things I didn’t expect. I didn’t expect Hyaenadog’s death to come so quickly, I didn’t expect to have so many expenses, I didn’t expect my friend to be emigrating so soon and I certainly didn’t expect a last straw and ludicrous form of conflict with someone else.

Whatever. Nothing could possibly be worse than 2013. Sidenote to the universe – this is not a dare.

My mind has melted a bit anyway, I’ve only done freebie editing jobs since about last October. I’m just tired and that’s okay. I’m also grateful for the distraction, because I’m extremely down around it and tearful too.

Okay that’s enough writing for today. No whining.

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