I haven’t self injured in a while. I had a bad tdoc session where all I did was cry or sit in silence. It sucked.
I’m seeing a dietitian and she gave me a bunch of recipes, a book on high calorie smoothies, and a grocery shopping list. She was very nice. I weigh 95lbs. Too low. People are concerned. I am not engaging in eating disordered behaviour, meaning I’m not doing it on purpose. Smoothies seem to be the best idea. I love smoothies. Just need to pick up my blender which is at my moms.
I’ve been knitting a lot. Getting a lot of projects done. I love to knit. Did you know that it’s like meditating? (Well, unless you screw up!) It’s good for the brain AND I get something cool from it. Here are a few projects I’ve done lately.
The Afternoon Shawl. This took 6 day and the sides and back are about waist-length.
A hooded cowl that’s too big for me, but fits my roommate, and keeps her warm. I’m so glad she loves it!
An afghan square. There are a few mistakes, and it needs to be blocked, but I’m happy with it.
The Leafy Sea Dragon scarf, it ruffles really neat and is very warm.
My Wellbutrin was increased to 450mg, and I take 300mg Seroquel now. Everything else is the same. I switched pharmacies, to the one my pdoc has in the building he works in, and they’re great so far.
Mood-wise I’ve been a bit blah. Restless. It’s been too cold or snowy (or both) to go riding. I went 2 weeks ago and spent 15 min riding, it was so cold in the indoor arena, my face just froze immediately. I don’t handle the heat and cold very well. It’s a med thing.
Been working on some websites. Being a bit productive, but staying home a lot. No hallucinations or delusions, but mild akathasia from the Piportil depot injection. So I take more Artane, and it helps, and keeps the psychosis away.
Questioning my rotator cuff surgery. My roommate gave me a reality check in that I need to do it ASAP and that it will help, she’ll take care of me. I need the surgery, but I don’t want it. 9 months rehab! I do have a phenomenal ortho doc though. He could do this surgery with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back.
So I guess I’m doing the surgery. Still waiting on a date. I do need to do it. One month immbilization is going to suck. Narcotics can make me angry, and I’m sensitive to them (when I did the original damage: fractured humerus, shattered shoulder, torn rotator cuff) I had to take Percocet 5mg in quarters if I wanted to stay awake. It knocked me out, but it controlled the pain. I was very irritable though.
I’m scared of being immobilized for a month. It’s my right arm and I’m right handed. I have the support of my roommate and parents to take me to all appointments, cook, clean, etc, which is fantastic. I was immobilized for 6 weeks when I broke it, so I know what to expect. I’m not scared of the surgery, my surgeon is literally the best in Canada, but I’m scared of the rehab and pain after.
But I have to do it. If I don’t, my shoulder will get worse and worse. I can’t lift above my head. It hurts all the time. One month where everything sucks is much better than living with it, or it getting worse (which it will). I’ve lost a lot of range of motion, strength, etc. I’m young and heal fast, so this summer is a good time.
Enough of my rambling.