Just put that title to the tune of “My Sharona” by The Knack.
Catchy stupid song. R has been on a Knack kick. Which is better than last week’s Gnarls Barkley’s “I got high”. Funny but braindead stoner humor. Let’s stick to cheesy 80 one hit wonders.
Well. We got four inches of snow over the weekend. It’s the midwest so that’s pretty standard and mild. Yet the natives were all rushing to the store “stocking up” on supplies like a blizzard was coming. Dumbasses.
I didn’t even bother digging my car out til this morning to take Spook to school. Couldn’t be arsed to do shit all weekend.
I only went out of the gate running today because R supposedly needed to go on an outcall and I needed cigarettes. Well, I haul my ass in before 8 and he has changed his mind because the roads are too bad. Coulda given me a heads up, ass trash. (If Becca ever puts a patent on that term, I am gonna owe an ass ton of royalties.)
So I thought, great I will just go home. Then I remember the car is on E and I won’t have gas money til tomorrow and I need what’s left to fetch Spook. So I was stuck. And I mean stuck. He was in a pissy mood, doing fuck all, shoving his iphone in my face every ten minutes with some inane youtube thing. (smart phones are the devil’s invention.)
And because we didn’t cover one hit wonders enough last week, I was subjected to more of The Knack and their Behind the Music special. ENOUGH. It’s one thing to want to share something on occasion. But to share EVERYTHING CONSTANTLY…UGHHH.
Which was reinforced when he logged onto Facebook to check out some pix his wife posted. I swear the woman, and every person on Facebook, doesn’t go pee without updating their status or posting a damned picture. Isn’t that the height of narcissism? To think you are so important every tiny aspect of your day must be posted to social media because the lives of others might implode without the knowledge that your grandkid tried to eat their own toes?
Even in my myspace days, all I really did was post snarky graphics and band promotions. I’m not that interesting. Social media is lost on me because I am a misanthrope I guess. And were I to not be a hypocrite, I suppose Facebook esque posting is no different than my redundant ADD woe is my mental illness blog. Least this is done to vent and maybe educate rather than just validate my existence by making me feel important enough to others to view it. Read it, don’t read it. Whatevs. I wasn’t popular in high school, I don’t need it now. I have cats.
Deviation. I do not like it when things deviate from the “norm”. People have always been critical and mean to me so when they compliment me I can smile and say thank you…But I wonder what they’re up to or if they were being snarkastic.
Last night..R wanted to come by.
That doesn’t happen.
But then I realized, his wife headed back to her job out of town and his kids all had plans, I was the last ditch effort to avoid being by himself. I love being used. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, especially knowing I am only good company when every single other person one knows is busy.
Oh, well. He brought Mangoritas and let my kid wallow him, which gave me a break from being the human jungle gym.
Still, the whole time until he got here, all my paranoid brain could do was FREAK OUT BECAUSE THIS IS DEVIATION. What bad news is he bringing? Has he replaced me at the shop with a helper monkey? (Because while I may not get paid, my servitude there ensures my smoke and booze habits never come out of my budget for my kid, home, and cats, and the monkey doesn’t need that as much as I do.)
Then it was, omg, did someone we know die?
Round and round my paranoid brain went. My anxiety climbed into the stratosphere. Because he does not visit, almost never, and when he does, it is generally because I’ve asked him to come fix something for the last six months and he’s finally penciled me in. Deviation freaks me out.
I got to sleep easily. Couldn’t stay asleep. Kept waking up. Smiling when I didn’t see the bed mooch beside me. Then at 4 a..m I woke and OH MY GOD SHE’S SLEPT IN MY BED HALF THE NIGHT EVERY NIGHT FOR THREE WEEKS THIS IS A DEVIATION THIS IS BAD MUST GO POKE HER WITH A STICK FOR SIGNS OF LIFE!!!!!
And while the stick thing is not literal, I did go into her room and listen to make sure she was breathing.
I want my bed back, both because she needs to be a big girl and sleep on her own, plus she’s a blanket piglet. But…deviation, damn it.
And so I was up from 4 until 5:30 am…Plagued with bizarre dreams…And the alarm went off at 6:10.
Bloody hell. The mood crash, deviation, further deviation, not sleeping…GRRR.
I am special to pack so much neurotic dysfunction into one 12 hour period.
But alas the dish time is done. I am in my safe bubble. I have two packs of smokes. My kid is not currently channeling Satan.
All is less sucky.
It won’t last.
Because it’s all about muh muh muh muh my neuroses.
Yeah, I’m weird that.