January Farewell

I had a pretty decent month. As a matter of fact, I can’t believe January is actually gone. It seems like we just got the Christmas stuff put away and here we are, looking at February.

I started a spreadsheet to help me with my recovery goals. It has really helped. I’m going to take a look back and see how it went.

I had quite a few things that I wanted to do every day. I’ll start with those:

EXERCISE: Uhhhh….I exercised 6 days out of the month. Okay, this is not exactly good, but I think it is better than December. I read an article I liked about exercise and depression. It said to move around 30 minutes a day, six times a week. This is supposed to stave off depression. I figure this sounds reasonable. As bad as this is, this wasn’t my worst result of the month.

DIET STUFF: I’m supposed to drink 4-5 shakes per day and 64 ounces of water. I’ve been doing okay with the shakes…not perfect, but moving toward it. The water is coming along. I like to drink a diet soda or some iced tea every day but if I drink all of my water forget it. The priority needs to be the water. How hard is this?

COOKING DINNER: I’m shining here. I cooked dinner every day this month, except about five days when we had other plans. I cook for the four of us at home, and make a little extra and freeze portions for my son who lives away. I am really proud of my efforts in this area.

CANCELLING STUFF: I have been terrible at this for quite a while. I cancelled something 11 days out of this month. This might have been something with friends, a doctor’s appointment, a group meeting, or whatever. This was one of those things where I’d get up in the morning, look at my couch, and just decide I couldn’t do it.

Most of my friends are understanding about this but I hate it. If I were my friend, I’d get sick of it. This is a big problem for me and I’ve got to get better at it. On the positive side, I had seven days straight where I did not cancel anything.

One reason I get into cancelling stuff is because I haven’t showered and I hate to. This brings us to our next activity of:

SHOWERING: I only started keeping track of this for the last half of the month. But during that time I did well. I can go and just shower every three days and be pretty good. I’ve also learned to shower the night before and just let my hair dry and then I am ready to go in the morning. This shower issue is one of the big problems left over from my serious depression. I will now go and shower by myself without someone else in the room, but I still hate it.

MY BEST FRIEND: Some of you know I have been working on this relationship. I kept track of how much we interacted this month. The good news is that we texted 13 days out of the month. That’s not bad. I think we only talked about twice. I’d like to talk more. We did have a solid week where we had no communication. I don’t like that. And we have no plans to see each other in person. I’d like some plans, even if they are far off and tentative. It’s hard to make new memories if you don’t see each other. Things seem a little better these last few days… so who knows about next month?

DEVOTIONALS: This is a part of that retreat I went on a while back. I’ve done these all but 5 days this month. Good job!

EATING THE BAD STUFF: I’m supposed to drink my shakes and water and have a “reasonable” helping of the dinner I cook each night. That’s it. I’ve only been able to do this three days this month. And, gee, tomorrow is the Super Bowl. I hate psych meds. They make you eat everything in sight.

KLONOPIN: I was taking 3 tablets of .5 each at the beginning of the month. I am now down to 1 1/2 of .5. Am glad to reduce the Klonopin. I am SO sick of people saying “Klonopin is really addictive. You should be careful.” I’d really like to say something unladylike back, but I don’t. I like my Klonopin. It’s the only psych drug I take where I feel anything.

SLEEPING UPSTAIRS: This is a weird goal. But I get on my couch at night and watch TV or listen to an audio book and then fall asleep. After I take my meds around 8, I am pretty drowsy. It’s hard for me to get up the stairs to bed. But if I sleep on the couch, my neck and shoulders go haywire. My poor husband has tried to get me upstairs, but he says I look so peaceful he hates to wake me up. I just kept track of this for 10 days and I made it to bed 8 out of 10.

WEEKLY STUFF: I went to church twice this month. But I did a bunch of missions work and collected food and toys and games for the shelter. I saw five friends socially this month. I think that’s pretty good. I went to 3 out of 4 NAMI meetings. I did my daughter’s math lesson plans 4 out of 4 weeks this month. (This is my form of volunteering. She has a special ed class.) I only went to my women’s group two out of four times. I should definitely improve on that. That is a good group for me. I went places or on “dates” with my husband five times. I checked and worked on my friend list four times this month. All of my friends are up to date on texts, dates, and conversations. Plus, we had that Christmas party last month so I saw most of them there.

MONTHLY STUFF: I saw my therapist and my psychiatrist once each this month. I did NOT go to my book club, even though I read the book. (I may drop the book club…not sure.) I did get a massage (for mental health!). I was weighed in at the diet doctor once.

So that is my January. The spreadsheet is helping a lot. At least I know where I need to get going. It’s much better than that vague general feeling of “how am I doing…is this recovery?”

hugs,

lily

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