So this is an article about the perils of winter in Montreal; I snipped bits out of it to turn it into something that fits the word bipolar a little more accurately. I didn’t add or alter anything. Personally, if I had to compare bipolar to an element of winter weather, I’d go with black ice – no matter how carefully you walk, there’s always a big risk of falling. (He didn’t bother fact checking that last line of his, did he?)
Josh Freed: Good luck navigating the bipolar vortex
We have obviously entered a strange new weather system that I call:
The bipolar vortex.
With rapidly shifting bipolar conditions, you must adroitly choose the correct walking style for every moment:
the ice slither walk. In this manoeuvre, you never actually lift your feet from the ground while walking — you plant one foot flatly on the icy pavement, then slither carefully onto the other.
the minefield tiptoe, where you delicately place one foot down to see if it’s safe, then tiptoe another baby step, crossing the sidewalk like a soldier in a minefield.
the snowbank step-and-test technique, where you prod a snowbank with your toe before putting your weight on it. Is it rock-hard and slippery — or does it collapse into slush, shooting nine inches of water into your boot?
Those who walk incorrectly wind up in emergency wards that have been overwhelmed with concussions, frostbite and fractures in the last week — victims of bipolar winter combat.
DRIVING is also tricky in the bipolar vortex.
But this weekend, relax — the bipolar vortex is stable and on lithium for three days.