I decided at some point last year that this would be the year I would try to get my physical health sorted. And I don’t mean that in a resolution, diet-and-exercise sort of way. I’ll spare y’all my thoughts on resolutions, because they’re not nice in the way some people feel about Valentine’s Day versus the rest of the year. Improvement is a year-round sort of thing, but I knew that between baby and moving and postpartum, I’d not be in any sort of mental space to get on it until 2015 ticked around.
Now, my biggest problem is endometriosis… not that I’ve managed to get anyone to take that seriously. But it’s been affecting me since I was 13, in chronic fatigue and nausea and bowel problems and generally giving me a total lack of quality of life. My first pregnancy ‘fixed’ me for a few months, but then it started getting bad again after that. This last pregnancy was absolutely terrible, and the return of my cycle after my second pregnancy has taken me from bad to the absolute worst. I’m suffering chronic fatigue so bad that I am in physical pain. Honestly, I tick almost all of the CFS boxes, and it’s no fun at all. Add in things like bonus brain fog from bipolar meds, and yeah… all my energy goes into trying to stay vaguely cheerful for my own sake.
My plan for some time has been to push for a hysterectomy, as that’s what my maternal grandmother and aunt had to do around this point in their lives. I would prefer to not have to go that far, but I am prepared to to actually have some sort of quality of life. But because going to the doctor and potentially getting rejected for help I need is so exhausting, I’ve been trying to push myself around to it for a few months now. I’m booked in next week to see the one lady doctor at our surgery, so fingers crossed that seeing a woman means I get taken seriously, instead of pushed to the side because I can get pregnant and sex doesn’t hurt. Not all endometriosis is located around the uterus, and I’m pretty sure from past lookings and experiences that mine is in and around the bowels instead (which would mean that it doesn’t affect fertility, which it doesn’t for me).
I’ve got some rough notes scribbled, but the main things I’m going to push for are a permanent birth control solution — no periods means no endometriosis damage. If that’s an implant or the like, that’s fine. We don’t need a monthly to be healthy, and I think that it’s glaringly obvious that not having a monthly would be ideal. And as I don’t want any more children anyways… that’s part of why I waited. I didn’t want to be dismissed for being ‘hormonal’, even if I’ve known this was my battle plan for years now. I want to book in a set of full blood work, because that’s a wise thing to do postpartum. After all, what if the chronic fatigue is worse due to postpartum thyroid issues? Lastly, and this is of highest importance to me — I want to push to make sure I can get booked in for a laparoscopy. I don’t have a couple thousand pounds to get it done privately, and it’s the only way at current to diagnose/treat endometriosis. I very much fear that my bowels are rather fused, and that could require some scary scary surgeries to repair. The whole situation being untreated/ignored/dismissed for 20 years probably hasn’t done any good.
Of course, physical state affects mental state. And while I don’t think my bipolar is going to magically evaporate if/when this stuff hopefully gets looked at, and (hopefully) fixed, it should help with the severity of my brain fogs, and well… actually having the energy to do things would be amazing for my mood. Today I am feeling like a superhero because I bathed the baby, washed dishes, got the laundry started, and made my big girl’s bed. I’m completely wiped for it, and trying to decide if I can manage vacuuming without completely destroying myself. And this is a great day compared to yesterday, where the only thing I managed was a bath. Mind you, I’m still in a good mood on the whole, but yanno… want to feel better. I think those of us with chronic anything can appreciate that.
Anyways, hope everyone is doing alright out there.
<3
