to answer a mockingbird

Because this.

1. If I was standing at the top of a hillside, alone, and I wanted to shout until my throat hurt, what would I shout?

I love you. It’s the one thing that should be said more (eros, agape and all their little friends). Well, that or take your damn meds. Maybe they’re the same thing.

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2. If faced with a situation that made me uncomfortable emotionally, would I stand my ground or run?

If I (take the time to) think, I generally want to run. I don’t run though. I stand my ground, sometimes very unwisely, because the worse I feel, the calmer I get and ultimately, the more cruelly I behave. Not good. You know how it goes right? You start off bulletproof … and then it’s some kind of cruddy cocktail of shame, regret, contrition. I loathe conflict. I am very, very bad at dealing with it without breaking my nose and heart. Taking on conflict to stand up for someone I care about doesn’t cause me any emotional discomfort until I’m thigh deep in corpses.

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3. If I was a social butterfly and I could walk uninhibited into any place and do anything – what would that people and those things be. Have a gas? A quiet coffee? A dancing marathon? What? With who? Why?

Oh boy. I can … it takes hypomania or mania for the full butterfly effect and depending on the position on that *expletive deleted* spectrum, it could start with me monopolising the conversation and end with me attempting to rule the world. Bulletproof again … total *tons more expletives deleted* charmer (in my own mind), anything goes, anything is possible till

it

all

comes

crashing

down.

Social butterfly? I’m a social airforce. With anyone, everyone, because suddenly I’m *seriously it’s better these expletives are deleted* twinkletoes the tapdancing terrorist twins on speed.

Note to self:

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I don’t often think, but when I think, I overthink.

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