reinventing the wheel forever

Disclaimer: horrendous generalisations and pissy irritations.

I browse PubMed fairly frequently for the latest in cutting edge research into … zzzzzzz. Okay, the point is that if someone suddenly finds out that all lesbians resident in South Africa with bipolar disorder are magically cured at age 50, I want to know asap.

Mostly I find out stuff like …

Possible markers:
Sleep dysfunction.
Amygdala response to sad faces different in bipolar people.

We know. We’ve known, in some cases, for fecking centuries. Some stuff that comes up as results was known in the 2nd fecking century. Apparently we need more proof – and the benefits of ongoing evidence would actually work better if the poxy professors didn’t write as though they had just discovered it.

Or stuff like …

We don’t get enough advice re stopping smoking. Okay LOL because in general, I and people I know have frequently been told not to stop till we are stable. Stable? Ha. Not one mention of that (completely legit) notion, however. Why the actual fuck though, are they producing info like that, instead of looking into how to help us.

Have a look at fellow blogger the schizophrenia experience project for further illustration of this kind of thing.

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Water is wet: a conceptual framework and systematic review of the aqueous properties of H2O.
(People in ivory towers et al. Idk who Al is, but he crops up a lot in these matters.)

Abstract (no kidding!)

Introduction: definitions of water and wet, plus at least one compelling reason why we urgently need clarity on the matter.
Objectives: to prove. that water. is wet. This section must contain as many extraneous words and repetition as possible.
Methods: blah blah clinical trials blah research blah blah raincoats.
Results: outcomes of the above containing numbers, percentages, averages and a few words (big ones please). Also, hydrogen.
Limitations: why the results weren’t actually useful, with special emphasis on why the funding was completely justified.
Conclusions: what a fantastic study. We should totally study this in greater detail. Brb applying for grants.

Don’t worry, the part where they thank Richard Dawkins, God, the budgie, grandma etc is in the full text.

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(It seems like such a simple statement, but there’s plenty of debate about whether it’s true. Get irritated over here.)

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