Daily Archives: December 26, 2014

Missing My Blogging Pals Soooooo Much!

 Dyane and Lucy on Christmas Day, Alpine Valley  Hello my friends! I’m thinking of you while we’re in beautiful, snowy Alpine Valley. We’re staying in a small cabin called “The Munchkin” (the place lives up to its name!) with no … Continue reading

Family Ties

You know, it’s funny how major holidays have this tendency to reveal the truth about family. For one thing, ours has become HUGE. I come from a very small family, so it’s amazing to see how extended our network of relatives (and those we consider family) has become. I guess that’s what happens when you have four kids who go on to marry into big families and have kids of their own!

Anyway, there were 17 of us who went out for a big buffet dinner, and that didn’t even include my son and his fiancée or my daughter and her husband’s entourage of siblings and cousins. And as seems to be the case in most families, there were one or two people who never shut up, a couple of cranky folks who did little but complain, and still others who stayed more or less plugged into their electronic devices throughout the day. It occurred to me in a moment of reflection that the Griswold family in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation had nothing on us. But that’s the beauty of being with people you’re related to in one form or another: there was no need for pretentiousness, and we were perfectly content with that.

It may sound weird, but I love being able to step outside myself for a minute or two and just observe. It’s like watching my own life on the silver screen, and though it would probably bore the rest of the world to tears, it’s my story and I like it. I could do without some of the uglier parts of it, but yesterday those thoughts were far from my mind. I looked around the table as we all ate and drank, watching the interactions and feeling amazed to be a part of this crowd. I thought of my other kids and their relatives and wished they were here too, so I could see how large this clan really is. And to think it had all begun with Will and me!

I realize, of course, that the other matriarchs (and patriarchs) probably think the same way. And that’s OK. We can all share the credit for this magnificent group we call family. Even the ones who embarrass us every now and again. ;-)


DBSA Facing Us Clubhouse

The Facing Us Clubhouse is an online resource from the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) that you may find helpful.

Facing Us Screenshot

FacingUs.org by DBSAlliance.org

If you live with depression or bipolar disorder—or are simply seeking inspiration and support for living a full, healthy and happy life—the Facing Us Clubhouse is your online home for wellness. © DBSA 2014

~ www.facingus.org


Filed under: Bipolar Disorder, DBSA, Depression, Mental Health Tagged: DBSA Facing Us Clubhouse

random wasted neurons

The present life of man, O king, seems to me, in comparison of that time which is unknown to us, like to the swift flight of a sparrow through the room wherein you sit at supper in winter, with your commanders and ministers, and a good fire in the midst, whilst the storms of rain and snow prevail abroad; the sparrow, I say, flying in at one door, and immediately out at another, whilst he is within, is safe from the wintry storm; but after a short space of fair weather, he immediately vanishes out of your sight, into the dark winter from which he had emerged. So this life of man appears for a short space, but of what went before, or what is to follow, we are utterly ignorant.
– the Venerable Bede

Bede’s are the days of our lives …

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(That is quite possibly the worst pun I have ever made – and certainly the hardest working one.)

Almost dark (deep blue) and guinea fowl make their rusty complaints and look for somewhere to roost. Soft, soft rain. A dog barks somewhere and mine snores softly beside me. The fridge is bitching too, I have no idea why.

Good evening and here is the blues …

I’m haunting my own house again; padding around barefoot with the lights off. Natural light is supposed to balance circadian rhythms, it’s not dark enough here though – that bloody street light.
Time is such a precious thing and I’m just wasting mine. Criminal really … I wish I could donate it to someone who’d make better use of it, frankly.

Cloudy dark now – no moon, no stars. Sporadic thump of bass from decidedly horrible music. There’s a potjiekos competition tonight. A potjie is a three legged cast iron pot (think cauldron and you’ll get the idea), in any size from mouse to cannibal; it gets your great great well she was ok I guess great grandma’s secret combo of stew ingredients chucked in and then cooked over or on a fire. Then you split into binary gender based groups to drink and chat for many hours. For authenticity, potjiekos should be served with pap, which is basically a local maize polenta. It can be delicious, it can be vile; it all depends on the cook. Bonus points for serving with a live, big screen rugby game too. Nextofkin made a korma in a big one here almost a year ago. Hmm hmm pronunciation. Potjiekos: poy-key-kos (short o on last thingummy). Pap: pup.

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(No idea wtf that is – potjie planking? Bizarre. Usually we just throw babies in.)

Blogging is good for me. I start off all emo and mopey and type away and then distract myself. And then I’m quite cheerful till I stop typing again.

That reminds me, how’s this for one of those faaabulous ideas that never happen. In 2003 I wanted to find software/a way to measure the length of all the lines that make text and then write the distance from earth to the moon. It’s about 384,400 km.

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I know, I know.

Which flavours/centres of chocolate do you leave till last?

Ah well.

Helliday Hangover

I’d like to say I sprang out of bed in a stellar mood ready to face the world now that the worst of the holiday stress is over.
It would be a lie.
I didn’t want to get up.
I still feel drained. Depressed, even.

And my charming father just had to call and inform me they saw the Donor passing out Christmas gifts, driving his shiny car, yesterday.
Um…Yeah, I get it, my baby daddy is beneath pond scum, not a shocker. He hasn’t so much as sent his own daughter a card for Christmas in three years. I know the slimeball well.
I’ve asked dad numerous times to just not tell me when he sees the donor around town.
My life is much happier if I just pretend he’s dead. He doesn’t want to take care of his daughter or do the right thing yet still believes he is a good man. He may as well be dead.
For whatever reason, Dad feels the need to tell me every time he sees the douche. Oh, he’s got a good job. Oh, he’s got a shiny car better than yours…
Big fuckin’ deal.
It’s like he’s telling me my daughter would be better off with the donor because he has better stuff.
I know it’s not meant that way, he’s outraged (and he should be because he thought the donor walked on water). It’s just…I know what the donor is.
I don’t need to hear about it all the time.
He’s abandoned three kids. It’s who he is and it has nothing to do with us.
So shut the fuck up, dad.
I’ll take my less than shiny car and not being able to shower others with gifts because at least I am genuine. My kid comes first.

Needless to say, that took a low mood into the fury filled gutter. People really are like poison to me. No one wants to give positive news. No, let’s just shove all the negative at her then wonder why she’s a depressed pessimist.
R sent a text inquiring about my Christmas. I am ignoring it. Because I sent him a text the other day touching base and he ignored me. Quid pro fucking quo. I have really outgrown that whole acquaintanceship. I’ve grown as a person. He’s the same asshole he always was.
I can’t continue to grow if I am bogged down by people who won’t stop holding my past against me to cover up the fact they haven’t changed a bit.

God, it sucks, to go from nice and mellow to being all bent and hostile. If my dad had just kept his mouth shut, I’d have ignored R and felt entitled to return what he gives. But noo, now I am feeling all inferior because I don’t have a shiny car and a bunch of friends who buy my lies so I can shower them with gifts.
Because I am too busy supporting a child and taking what we can get to stay afloat.
Life doesn’t suck until I feel the pressure from the outside world to be something I’m not.
Even if I had money, I wouldn’t be the shiny car buying people off to be my friend type.
His fakeness was what had fueled my disdain for him. He was Spook’s sperm donor even when he was here and too tired from work to be bothered with her beyond a hello.

I have to shake it off. Things aren’t that bad. I am just having a bad reaction to people who have the sensitivity of belly button lint.
Not to mention the emotional intelligence of a squid.

So the mood swims in the gutter and the anxiety rolls off me in waves. What’s new.

I just wish I knew a way to “shake it off.”
They say exercise.
Ha.
That just makes me feel things more intensely.

If Satan, er Santa (damn dyslexia) really loved me, he’d have brought me a keg. No beer, though. Nasty.
Cake vodka…That should totally come in a keg.


How I Spent My Christmas

The title sounds like something you would have to write for school after the holidays. Yet I got some lovely pictures yesterday and wanted to share them with you all. My mood today is ok. I didn’t take my medications last night after drinking. I didn’t want to risk my health. I don’t think I am going to be drinking anymore, it seems really irresponsible. Even if it does help with the anxiety, it’s not a permanent solution.
Anyhow, here are the pics.

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Merry Chirstmas!

So Christmas has come and gone for another year.  We had good times with friends and family again this year–everyone behaved themselves at my parents’ house and at my in-laws’, so that was a blessing.  We all got various things we wanted-I got to open and hang p my newest purse purchase–a purple Coach.  My oldest daughter got a coffeemaker for her dorm room, my middle child got soundtracks for “Doctor Who” episodes, Bob got almost the entire James Bond series on DVD, and my youngest got a Lego Friends Cruise Ship to put together. Of course there was more, but those seemed to be the highlights.

We’re going out today to do a little shopping once the refrigerator repairman gets here.  I got gift cards to Belk’s and plan to look for a new long brown London Fog coat.  Bob’s going to buy Hallmark Ornaments half-price.  And we plan to go out to eat for lunch at one of our favorite casual restaurants.  Then my daughters’ friends get to come over to visit and spend the night  So we have to clean up the house a bit before that. But we have an enjoyable day planned out, and I’m looking forward to it.  Hope all your Christmases were merry and bright!


Merry Chirstmas!

So Christmas has come and gone for another year.  We had good times with friends and family again this year–everyone behaved themselves at my parents’ house and at my in-laws’, so that was a blessing.  We all got various things we wanted-I got to open and hang p my newest purse purchase–a purple Coach.  My oldest daughter got a coffeemaker for her dorm room, my middle child got soundtracks for “Doctor Who” episodes, Bob got almost the entire James Bond series on DVD, and my youngest got a Lego Friends Cruise Ship to put together. Of course there was more, but those seemed to be the highlights.

We’re going out today to do a little shopping once the refrigerator repairman gets here.  I got gift cards to Belk’s and plan to look for a new long brown London Fog coat.  Bob’s going to buy Hallmark Ornaments half-price.  And we plan to go out to eat for lunch at one of our favorite casual restaurants.  Then my daughters’ friends get to come over to visit and spend the night  So we have to clean up the house a bit before that. But we have an enjoyable day planned out, and I’m looking forward to it.  Hope all your Christmases were merry and bright!


And…

Family 2014

I hope your family gatherings were a little less grumpy than mine.  (Splayed toes are a true indicator of fed-up-ness with holiday cheer.)


Mental Illness Memes

Meme meme meme meme memely meme … (from the hit show Two and a Half Memes)

Stop me, before I meme again? If you see anything you like, please help yourself. Fitting rooms are here, here and here. In the event of a crash, benzodiazepines will drop from above. Place them in your own mouth first before helping others. Thank you for flying Mixed MetaphAir.

Now that’s what I call a shrink. I’d probs get distracted and then all I’d tell him is, “You’re such a good boy.” Not to mention going eep meep at the adorkable teeny chair.

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They aren’t (clearly), but I hope yours are.

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I’m hypo or mixed right now – I can tell because a) I’m punny again and b) you have no idea how hard I am resisting the urge to pepper this post with emoticons and exclamation marks. (!!!)

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Uh huh, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout.

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Please … I’ll do anything, just …

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I tend to defocus my eyes, or stare from one to the other, wondering how anyone looks into people’s eyes, plural.

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No explanation necessary, right?

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Fly the (un)friendly skies …

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