Holiday Tradition

Seems like the last few years, I get very depressed at Christmas. Probably because my wonderful ex fiancee decided to break it off right before Christmas years ago. We had one, magical, perfect Christmas together and I’ll remember it forever. I have been thinking about writing about it for some time, but decided it’s too personal a memory, it’s something I need to keep just for myself.

As I often do, I seek solace in music. Of late, I am so completely obsessed with Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. To say I have a massive girl crush on Grace is putting it lightly. Their songs “Things I Never Needed” and “Stars” are especially evocative for me. Every year I get really excited to listen to Christmas music and sing along, but there is no joy in it for me this year. I find the bluesy rock of GPN to be far better suited to my mood.

I am still getting back to normal after the horrible bout of the flu I had but work scheduling issues have me off my regular routine, and I know that’s taking a toll on me, too. I really wish I could explain how damn hard life with bipolar is. There’s really no way to effectively explain it to someone who doesn’t have it. No way to explain that just living an every day life takes so much out of you, let alone adding the stress of the holidays on top of it. I wish I had a happy take-away message, but I really don’t. I guess my Christmas wish is just to get through this pain and sadness.

Filed under: Self Discovery Tagged: bipolar, depression, holidays, love, memories, music, sad

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