Daily Archives: November 26, 2014

Tufts University Study Of Bipolar IN Order

I read about the pilot study on a forum. I probably won’t participate, because a fellow South African said that the video meetings made it difficult. And Tom Wootton is anti meds, which always seems idiotic to me, considering the physical ramifications. And i am a curmudgeon. Let me know what it’s like if you do it, or if you already did the pilot.


“Tufts University has already completed a pilot study of our Bipolar IN Order Live Online Education Program and they are now looking for 750 participants for a full study. The full live online course is anonymous and free (usually $399.95) for those who participate in the study including a year of weekly support meetings and the online forum.

The pilot study has already proven the effectiveness of the program and we are confident that we can help you produce the same results for free during the study. Tufts said we get better results than any other option and you can help us prove it in your own life. Please visit our home page for a description of the program that we will be using in the study.

The study starts in January and we are gathering those who are interested in preparation for the launch. Please sign up right away and the researchers will contact you when it is time to start.”

Read this alternative viewpoint too.

“Buddha I believe would take medication for a chronic condition”

This Video Was Just Too Cool

When I was a child, one of the things I wanted to be most was an astronaut. Well, that didn’t work out, but now we have telescopes in space sending back pictures of what I wanted to see for myself. I guess it is the next best thing. This little snippet is really cool!   […]

Not Feeling Hate

I guess that is something. I’m kind of in the middle having moments of happiness and moments of sadness.

It’s preferable to the murderous hate I was feeling yesterday.

I am really hoping that things will pick up before Thursday, yet I do have the option of drowning my woes in wine so I don’t let my intense dislike of my sister in law show. It’s gonna have to be one or the other.

Hubby stayed home today and that was nice, he can often make me smile even when depressed, he is kind of like a magical being.  It made the day easier and I did some cleaning so the day was also productive.

I’m not gonna write much since I really just feel kind of blah.

Survival Mode

I’m getting anxious again.

We have a week and a half before we’re supposed to be out of this house, Will’s been too sick to pack stuff and we have NO money for a place to live—we may have enough to rent a storage shed and a moving truck, but that’s about it. Not only that, our car registration and insurance are due, as is my RN license renewal (and yes, I plan to renew one more time “just in case”). I will also need meds during the course of the month. Six hundred and sixty-eight dollars don’t go very far…..and in this situation, nowhere near far enough.

I don’t know what else to do. We’ve applied for food stamps and I’m working on the forms for Medicaid, but we can’t get cash assistance because we don’t have dependent children. We still need to apply for housing assistance, which will take a while, and we also have yet to go to our church and see if they can help us out. How humiliating is all of that? And how do you let everybody know where you’re going to be when you don’t even know?

The timing couldn’t possibly be worse (as if there’s a good time for any of this). Winter is coming quickly, and so are the holidays, although I’ve had to give up on the notion of Christmas entirely and put it out of my mind. That’s the least of our problems, anyway; what we need now is a bunch of strong bodies to help us box up and move our stuff, and a place to put it…..not to mention a place to put ourselves.

This is how people give up a normal life and move into survival mode. I don’t know how we’re going to get out of this except the hard way. I never believed things would come down to the wire like this…..we’re supposed to look at a room in someone’s house on Thursday, but if we can’t scrape together the money to rent it, it’s a useless exercise. Family members keep telling us they won’t let us live on the street, but there’s no room at the inn.

So, I’m freaking out a little. And yes, the occasional ‘sui’ thought comes down the pike, but those are banished FAST and with little difficulty, as I’m very well-medicated and I have much better control of my thought processes than I did prior to going inpatient. Besides, thoughts are not actions, and I don’t have to follow through with them. I didn’t always know that.

But it doesn’t prevent me from being scared. I think back to how this year began, with boundless optimism and high anticipation…..and then came all of this crap. I’d never have believed it could be possible to fall this far, this fast if I weren’t living every excruciating moment of it. But now I know that catastrophic losses do happen, and life will never be the same even if we manage to rebound from this and have a life again, as diminished as it may be.

If you’re a praying person, please send up a few petitions for us; if not, positive energies and good thoughts will do. We need all the help we can get.