Daily Archives: October 16, 2014

#BAD2014 Blog Action Day 2014 – #Inequality In Mental Health

Kitt O'Malley:

Wendy of the blog Picnic with Ants (picnicwithants.com) describes her life as “a journey learning to live a happy and productive life, while living with Chronic Illnesses.” Today for the Blog Action Day theme of inequality, she wrote this incredibly powerful piece about her experience having been involuntarily hospitalized. She concludes by asking:

  • Can you see how different it would have been for me if I had the financial means to pay for a higher quality facility, and have an advocate help me?
  • Can you see how different it would have been for me if I had not had the financial means I had? If I hadn’t had insurance? …
  • What can we do to stop the Inequality in the Mental Health Care System?
  • The first thing we can do is talk about it.
  • The more attention we call to it….the more noise we make about it…they will have to do something about it!
  • …this is an inequality that must end!  People cannot continue to suffer because they can’t afford mental health care.

Originally posted on Picnic with Ants:

Blog badgeI admit I had not heard of Blog Action Day until yesterday.  I left a comment on fellow blogger Kitt O’Malley’s blog and she told me that it was worthy of a post for this year’s theme Inequality.  Kitt is an amazing mental health advocate, please go and check out her blog.  Kitt O’Malley – Living with Bipolar. Loved by God.

Inequality and Access to Mental Health Care

Sometimes you need help.  You may or may not want it.  You are a risk to yourself or others.  A stay in a psychiatric facility is needed.  The care you receive will vary drastically depending on your financial means.

This is my story…..a 30 something white woman, with not the best insurance, with no savings, and no other financial support….

I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric facility, I was suicidal. I had called a Suicide Help Line and was talked…

View original 1,072 more words


Filed under: Discrimination, Human Rights, Mental Health Tagged: #BAD14, #BAD2014, #BlogAction14, #blogactionday, #Inequality

Back On My Game

Well, maybe it’s more like back IN the game.
Got the school nurse’s ok, my kid is lice free and school return ready tomorrow. OMG, THANK YOU WHATEVER DEITY EXISTS EVEN IF IT IS THE GIANT ALIEN CLAM GOD.
I feel like a prisoner who’s been paroled.

So…I have my mojo back, for the moment. I went into high gear laundering everything once last time, sterilizing brushes and combs once more…I drug out my Halloween stuff and decorated gleefully. GLEEFULLY. It would have been better if my kid hadn’t literally been under my foot the whole time (like literally, she is so close to me all the time, I take a step and her nose is touching my butt cheek.) but nothing is perfect.

I sold my soul. I will be at the shop tomorrow when I really could use a debriefing, as in no dish, no people. But I will live. Must be done. I’ll have all weekend to regroup, except for the leper colony being over and family visits will recommence. Ugh. In all fairness, once the seasonal hits, it could be my favorite person on earth knocking and I would still think ugh.

Anxiety has been lower, mood has been livable. One of those rare days in between the extremes on the mood spectrum. I treasure these days. One might say all my depression and stress were the lice epidemic, but truth be told…Even though I am a gloom monger, I think it was six solid days of rain and no sun. I hate the sun, it pierces my brain like a thousand skewers, but I cannot argue that too little sun is as bad as too much. Kind of how cold days drag me down, deplete me, but a warm sunny day can make me energized. If I am sensitive to anything, it isn’t outside influences. It’s THE outside. My moods are so impacted by the seasons and weather conditions it’s ridiculous. Guess that’s why it’s a seasonal affect disorder.

Now…about time to fry up cheeseburgers for supper. I’m sure the crash will come later, it always does, optimism be damned. But for this moment, and I do mean THIS moment…
I’m okay.
I can live with okay.


Tomorrow the Mole Doctor

I’m nervous and don’t feel like talking about it.

Therapy was good.

Shrink was good.

Today with mom was awesome and fun.

Tomorrow will happen.


Mental Health & Inequality: Blog Action Day

Here are some interesting links about Mental Health and Inequality! Check them out http://www.radpsynet.org/journal/vol6-1/ramon.htm http://www.fph.org.uk/mental_illness%3A_cause_and_consequence_of_inequality http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20845839 http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/content/assets/PDF/publications/starting-today-background-paper-3.pdf http://www.blogactionday.org

Inequalities and Mental Health: Blog Action Day

Kitt O'Malley:

Video about #MentalIllness and #Inequality reposted from the blog of Bipolar, Unemployed, and Lost (bipolarunemployedlost.com) for #BlogActionDay.

Originally posted on Bipolar, Unemployed, & Lost:

View original


Filed under: Disability, Discrimination, Human Rights, Mental Health Tagged: #Bad14 #BlogAction14, #BAD2014, #blogactionday, #Inequality

Inequalities and Mental Health: Blog Action Day

http://www.blogactionday.org

STOP INEQUALITY!!

"Ocean Rain"

"Ocean Rain" - Echo & The Bunny men
One of the best records ever. Buy it now.


Gone a long time due to much fuckery with computer, electronic issues, etc. 

Tired. So very tired, I thought last night. I went to bed and there were tears welling up in my eyes. My nose was stinging. I let a couple spill, that was it, thought no more of it and went to sleep at 7pm.

This morning I realized why I've been having weak thoughts, emotions not fully under control (mainly only sadness), why I've let a few tears spill here and there (maybe 2 or 3), and been so damn tired that I nodded out on the bus twice as I was racing to get home to "safety" and "privacy".

It's called PMS, and nothing more. Now it's over and it's cramps and physical, not emotional. It's so good to be rid of unnecessary unwanted emotion, but I did have a revelation during that previous week. 

I decided I did not want my spouse to participate in the Dias de los Muertos upcoming celebration. He did not seem to understand or get a grip on the events, the traumatization of such events, and their lasting horrible scars that led to the death of my mother and a huge portion of the cause of my PTSD. So I don't want anybody around me that isn't participating to celebrate, respect, and remember their dead to be anywhere around me when the celebration goes on. I want to hear music, I want to see a procession, and I want to see people smiling. 

I'll bet money, if they come,  that my friend's daughter, will be all made up and in black! She's a big horror movie fan. That would be cool not to be the only one made up, but if I am, so be it, because it will be fab. 

I will have to give the makeup a practice run soon, and try and call my daughter to see if she can make it with all that school and work going on. Wishing she could, but understanding if she can't. Another time. We can make our own Day of the Dead any damn time and fly to find my mother's grave and pay a visit. I will have all prepared then, which would be so cool, hopefully I could get in touch with cousins, second cousins, uncles, aunts, etc, in and near town that could maybe meet up and go. It's been so long, and I have nothing but fond memories of all the kids that I can remember as my cousins, and some Uncles and Aunties that are still around, like my mom's sister.

So I look forward to Halloween, my favorite time of the year, when the candy corn and chocolate candy is abundant and you can't escape it. Unfortunately, before that, I have a Dr Shrinker appointment before that, but it is with someone nice, and that is familiar. I just don't want to have to try and make the choice of trying to go it alone on 2 buses (fear of freakout - great fear of freakout), and I don't want to have to have my spouse take time off work. I don't want to have to deal with his anger problem, but maybe I can turn it around to work for both of us, to both of our advantages.

That means this latest of another brand new computer is going back to the store, a macbook   air. The last was a toshiba. This macbook thing was a disappointment except for how light it is. It seems too easy to scratch up and thrash. Also, of course incompatible with just about everything, and DVD drive has to be bought separately, but not at an insane price, at least.  

I still might go for another one, but that is at least equal to what has been destroyed so far due to someone ELSE's paranoia, NOT mine. Jebus yeah. That's going to be a bit, plus, that's going to mean my girl will be gaining some new extra external hard drive space if she still needs some, I hope.

This has been a long, trying, fucked-up irritating, stupid, sad, weird, yummy, embarrassing, childish, suckass, time since I last wrote crazy post #105, or whatever it was, but my meds and some success at fighting agoraphobia alone have been pretty amazing (+ ME), but really fucking anxiety-ridden, and full of fear of anxiety attack/breakdown in public. Almost happened yesterday. 'Just look at the fish (spray painted on a wall at a bus stop), just look at the fish,' I told myself (a la "The Walking Dead": "Just look at the flowers..."), when I could feel my eyes heating up and the beginning of hot tears getting ready to well up. I managed to look up and blink them back in and sniffle. I had to ask a lady older than me, who could see better if I was getting on the correct bus number. I told her I have 'low vision'. I guess I really do... I can "feel" my typing mistakes most of the time, and now I've got some glasses that will magnify stuff, if I need it, which is often. I now carry around a card-shaped magnifying thing or glasses. Oh, the meds... This current combo has seemingly been the best so far as mood extremes, especially rage, but it seems you can never do anything about that little paper that has suicidal thoughts written on it, that's filed away far, far away in the back of your mind. All you can do is say, 'Today, I think it's filed away right now." I hope I can stay on it long term, and I hope my next computer has a number keypad on the side, because I suck at typing numbers. Always have. Always leaned on 10-key, like they used in the old days.

And so it is, so you try to keep on track with what you were planning on doing today, which means you have to make a list because your memory is so fucking awful. Start the list! I go now, then out into the "Ocean Rain"...

Note: Any errors are not mine. This was checked BUTT good. 



"Ocean Rain"

"Ocean Rain" - Echo & The Bunny men
One of the best records ever. Buy it now.


Gone a long time due to much fuckery with computer, electronic issues, etc. 

Tired. So very tired, I thought last night. I went to bed and there were tears welling up in my eyes. My nose was stinging. I let a couple spill, that was it, thought no more of it and went to sleep at 7pm.

This morning I realized why I've been having weak thoughts, emotions not fully under control (mainly only sadness), why I've let a few tears spill here and there (maybe 2 or 3), and been so damn tired that I nodded out on the bus twice as I was racing to get home to "safety" and "privacy".

It's called PMS, and nothing more. Now it's over and it's cramps and physical, not emotional. It's so good to be rid of unnecessary unwanted emotion, but I did have a revelation during that previous week. 

I decided I did not want my spouse to participate in the Dias de los Muertos upcoming celebration. He did not seem to understand or get a grip on the events, the traumatization of such events, and their lasting horrible scars that led to the death of my mother and a huge portion of the cause of my PTSD. So I don't want anybody around me that isn't participating to celebrate, respect, and remember their dead to be anywhere around me when the celebration goes on. I want to hear music, I want to see a procession, and I want to see people smiling. 

I'll bet money, if they come,  that my friend's daughter, will be all made up and in black! She's a big horror movie fan. That would be cool not to be the only one made up, but if I am, so be it, because it will be fab. 

I will have to give the makeup a practice run soon, and try and call my daughter to see if she can make it with all that school and work going on. Wishing she could, but understanding if she can't. Another time. We can make our own Day of the Dead any damn time and fly to find my mother's grave and pay a visit. I will have all prepared then, which would be so cool, hopefully I could get in touch with cousins, second cousins, uncles, aunts, etc, in and near town that could maybe meet up and go. It's been so long, and I have nothing but fond memories of all the kids that I can remember as my cousins, and some Uncles and Aunties that are still around, like my mom's sister.

So I look forward to Halloween, my favorite time of the year, when the candy corn and chocolate candy is abundant and you can't escape it. Unfortunately, before that, I have a Dr Shrinker appointment before that, but it is with someone nice, and that is familiar. I just don't want to have to try and make the choice of trying to go it alone on 2 buses (fear of freakout - great fear of freakout), and I don't want to have to have my spouse take time off work. I don't want to have to deal with his anger problem, but maybe I can turn it around to work for both of us, to both of our advantages.

That means this latest of another brand new computer is going back to the store, a macbook   air. The last was a toshiba. This macbook thing was a disappointment except for how light it is. It seems too easy to scratch up and thrash. Also, of course incompatible with just about everything, and DVD drive has to be bought separately, but not at an insane price, at least.  

I still might go for another one, but that is at least equal to what has been destroyed so far due to someone ELSE's paranoia, NOT mine. Jebus yeah. That's going to be a bit, plus, that's going to mean my girl will be gaining some new extra external hard drive space if she still needs some, I hope.

This has been a long, trying, fucked-up irritating, stupid, sad, weird, yummy, embarrassing, childish, suckass, time since I last wrote crazy post #105, or whatever it was, but my meds and some success at fighting agoraphobia alone have been pretty amazing (+ ME), but really fucking anxiety-ridden, and full of fear of anxiety attack/breakdown in public. Almost happened yesterday. 'Just look at the fish (spray painted on a wall at a bus stop), just look at the fish,' I told myself (a la "The Walking Dead": "Just look at the flowers..."), when I could feel my eyes heating up and the beginning of hot tears getting ready to well up. I managed to look up and blink them back in and sniffle. I had to ask a lady older than me, who could see better if I was getting on the correct bus number. I told her I have 'low vision'. I guess I really do... I can "feel" my typing mistakes most of the time, and now I've got some glasses that will magnify stuff, if I need it, which is often. I now carry around a card-shaped magnifying thing or glasses. Oh, the meds... This current combo has seemingly been the best so far as mood extremes, especially rage, but it seems you can never do anything about that little paper that has suicidal thoughts written on it, that's filed away far, far away in the back of your mind. All you can do is say, 'Today, I think it's filed away right now." I hope I can stay on it long term, and I hope my next computer has a number keypad on the side, because I suck at typing numbers. Always have. Always leaned on 10-key, like they used in the old days.

And so it is, so you try to keep on track with what you were planning on doing today, which means you have to make a list because your memory is so fucking awful. Start the list! I go now, then out into the "Ocean Rain"...

Note: Any errors are not mine. This was checked BUTT good. 



Lookin’ For New Providers, Yee Haw!!

I am in the joyous process of looking for new health care providers in Florida. WOW! Is this a fun process! Calls, calls, calls, messages, messages, messages. I finally got through to one psychiatrist’s office and was about to have the appointment made in the shade when I happened to mention that I am on Clozaril and need bloodwork and monitoring. The woman on the line said “Oh I don’t think we “do” Clozaril. I will have to speak to the doctor before I schedule the appointment.” You don’t DO Clozaril? What the hell???? Is looking at a lab report every two weeks such a hardship? I mean really….I didn’t know I was so special. Fuck.

So I am waiting for sixty-hundred calls back. I left messages for both psychiatrists and psychotherapists. My current psychiatrist, Dr. Drugs, said he thinks I need to get both right away, in fact, he only gave me one refill on my meds so that I would haul ass and find a new doctor before I run out. What a stone cold sucka Dr. Drugs is!! Making me get off my ass and all . . .

I am taking my car tomorrow to have a serious once-over at a “reputable” car shop. I am so deeply suspicious and paranoid when it comes to this stuff. If they tell me I need a new this or that, how do I know if I really do or if they’re just taking my credit card out for a test drive? I am stressed big-time by this. I am betting (I’ll let you know tomorrow) that they will come up with a thousand dollars’ worth of work that needs to be done. At which time I will have a burst of insta-diarrhea right there in their front office. No joke. But I can’t see taking a two thousand mile trip without having the car looked over. Oh! Such a conflict. I seriously think my blood pressure is high today. Maybe I’ll take half a Klonipin. Such coping skills, you say? I KNOW! Sometimes drugs really ARE the answer.

Well I am off to get a flu shot. This day just keeps getting better and BETTER!! Maybe I can get a suppository while I’m there too. Happy Thursday, my friends!! Peach out, homies!   BPOF! Fire!


Filed under: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Psychology Shmyshmology Tagged: Bipolar, Doctor Shopping Is A Bitch, Hope, Humor, Mental Illness, Psychology, Reader