The last few months have found me suffering from my migraines a bit more than previously. This combined with the bipolar and financial worries have me feeling so incredibly stressed out. The frustration with the migraines is really the worst part of it, but it exacerbates nearly every other problem I’m having in a vicious cycle. I get a migraine, so I call off of work, lose pay for that day and then I stress about money. Then I start beating myself up for it, saying that I should have gone in to work, I should be more responsible with my money, etc etc. This sends me into a depression, I stop taking care of myself, and then we’re back to square one.
I go to a migraine clinic tomorrow, where I will, once again, undergo various tests, answer a billion questions and then leave, feeling no more relieved, understood or hopeful. I keep trying to have hope, to think that maybe this neurologist will have the answers, that they will find the magic drug to take away the pain. The research I have done on my own has revealed there is a huge comorbidity of migraine and bipolar. This particular information has resulted in me having a cartoonish image of just what my brain looks like with all of it’s neurological and biological flaws.
The last few days I have felt especially tearful, but I refrain from crying because that, too, gives me a headache. I truly am a sad soggy mess at present.