Can’t sleep.. doodle instead. Art therapy

Ugh, I’ve had insomnia since I started dexedrine. It’s put me into a bind, because I have to take Seroquel at night, and when I get up, I’m drowsy, so I take dexedrine. Even when I took myself off the dex I couldn’t sleep. At least I can function now. I’m still hypomanic, and its fun, but I really need to be on a mood stabilizer.

Medz Check

Let’s see. we switched back to Piportil depot (50mg every other week, IM) because the Consta wasn’t doing much for my psychosis. I’ve had one shot since re-starting and am much less paranoid and twitchy and stuff.

Clonazepam, 1.5mg/day. Artane, 5mg/night (for side effects from Piportil, as its a typical antipsycotic. The artane also helps me sleep). Dexedrine 10-20mg/day depending on how bad my attention or insomnia is.

I see my psychiatrist, Dr N, next Wednesday (the 8th) at his new practice. I haven’t seen him since May. He’s actually called me personally a few times. I feel spayshul.

I just turned 30. Happy birthday to me! I’ve been riding, raising the jumps slowly.

Here are my doodles. A couple zen-tangles and I forgot to upload my zen-dangle (lazy) and my name in rainbow. I’ve been doing it when I can’t sleep.

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I like abstract because I can make it mean whatever I feel like. This was my “yay, I’m 30 and bored” tangle. I got a LOT of birthday wishes.

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I haven’t shaded this in, but its a random zentangle. I just scribbled on the paper and filled it in. I can’t draw, this makes me look almost talented (ha ha ha!)

 

 

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This I started last night and finished this morning. It’s my name (San) done in zentangle form. I only used a couple tangles.

I love zentangles. I’ve been doing them for a bit and it’s fun. It’s something I can do and make look good, without having any artistic talent (no offence anyone, but I cannot draw to save my life). It’s pretty relaxing.

So that’s what’s been doing on. I really need a mood stabilizer. My obgyn wanted to put me on bromocriptine (even though my prolactin is normal) because I don’t have a period. Haven’t had one since February. It works opposite of antipsychotics and one side effect is “hallucinations”, and well, fuck, I hallucinate enough without a med helping it. My pharmacist and I decided not to fill it.

I don’t want a fucking period anyways. I have endometriosis, and they’re hell. I had a tubal ligation in 2011 (and have only cherished it, no regrets here!) because birth control makes me batty if its hormonal and copper IUD + endo = a big fucking ball of pain. Enough about my stupid body. I lost a lot of weight. It’s hard gaining it back. I lost my period when I hit 100lbs. I’m at 107 now. I don’t have an eating disorder – it was the Topamax (who wants to bet I’ll end up back on it?) and it caused me to lose almost 60lbs in 6 months.

Oh well. I need to update more. I’m working on a schizophrenia myths article, but I’ve been lazy lately. Also working on a memoir.

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