I am teetering on the edge of anxiety, which is nearly reaching panic. Because I never know when my dad’s faction of the family is going to pop by unannounced and that sort of thing FREAKS ME THE FUCK OUT. I don’t like unexpected knocks on the door. Bad enough I can’t control the ringing phone. I don’t like feeling like I can’t put on my jammies and get comfy because they may be coming by.
While belonging to a family unit that cares seems to please Becca, this faction is toxic to my mental well being. And I’ve talked and talked to them about calling first for ten years now and they don’t listen or care.
I dread their visits 99% of the time. If they’d call first, it wouldn’t be that way.
But then they overstay (and with me that means twenty minutes, max) so I start getting edgy and grumpy.
It wasn’t so bad before the mood tides started turning. Now, visits are excrutiating. Thus I am edgy and it’s uncomfortable like a wedgie.
My kid has been satan today. Constant demands, absolute defiance, hyper, aggressive, even running Bex outside at one point she was being so obnoxious. I have a headache now like someone cracked me over the back of the head with a cast iron skillet and I know it’s just tension. I’m strung tightly like piano wire.
Tonight is the big yearly doings in this armpit town where people get out their old classic cars and cruise up and down the main drag. Big fucking deal. Much as I like old muscle cars and such, crowds are not my thing. Nor is noise. And it’s become bastardized by these teenagers and twenty somethings who somehow think their 2012 model is classic. Yeah, I don’t remember a 66 Mustang ever having neon undercarriage, thudding stereo, or spinners.
Ass trashers have to ruin everything.
Aside from being a jumpy paranoid trainwreck and my kid channeling satan, it’s been a fairly uneventful day. I made a kickass meatloaf for supper. And that’s about all I did today other than go get some milk.
I watched a documentary on Scientology and once again, I reiterate- are those people insane? Your son kills you by stabbing you 23 times due to being an unmedicated paranoid schizophrenic and the surviving members still cling to their beliefs in that fucking cult? Oh, I mean “religion”. I generally support your rights to have faith and believe but these “religions” that ban medical attention and medicines are beyond my realm of understanding. If you wanna believe in a deity,then think about it: the deity allowed people to evolve intellectually and develop skills and technology to treat illness, disease, and disorder.
The jackass who repeated, “Mental illness does not exist therefore there are no medications to treat it.”
That’s beyond having faith in an outlandish belief. That’s delusion and ignorance. Odd how they wouldn’t hesitate to get treated for cancer, those meds which practically kill you to save you are okay.
But psychiatric drugs are dangerous.
I wouldn’t have survived the worst depressions without medication so whether you believe or not, I believe.I know the meds are flawed, there are side effects, and as the one shrink said, “We can make the disorders better with meds but we cannot make someone with these illnesses well.”
I can live with better, even if these morons call it “a bipolar personality” rather than accept it as a legitimate illness.
Maybe I’ll launch a new religion with a campaign against diabetics who just don’t try to positive think their insulin levels right. Church of the Delusional Ass Trasher.
Not even sillier than the giant alien clam god.