This most excellent song and video should be the Stigma Free National Anthem. From mental health, to sexual orientation, to dysfunctional families – she touches them all. The name of the song is “Secrets” by Mary Lambert. Below the video is this weeks Fitness Update. Why a Fitness Update on a Bipolar Blog? As I […]
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That’s my mood today. My kid is yapping at me and it’s just…yeah…sure…why not…uh huh…
I may have just agreed to buy her a wood chipper I am so dazed at the moment.
This is a life hangover day. I was out in the dish five straight days. Functioning. Interacting. Trying desperately to be something I’m not: social. Others thrive on social interaction. It devours my soul and leaves me feeling embalmed and emotionally bankrupt.
It’s not so much that the people I have daily contact with are demanding or mean or anything of the sort.
This is just me. I have limited resources on a social level. I am so happy in my own little cocoon of solitude and living in my own head that having to step outside of it is a draining experience. To do it daily for five straight days, especially after my cat dying and my car basically dying…I haven’t really had a crash and burn and I desperately need one.
For me, sinking into a low mood with tears and misery is like a reboot for a computer. I need to purge it all then sleep then wake up and start over again.
And because my brain is a lot like Windows ME (migraine edition) running more than two or three programs simultaneously results in constant messages about system resources running low.
And there’s also a partition in my brain running Vista, which is incompatible with, well, life.
I NEED A REBOOT.
Uh huh. Sure. Why not. I guess so.
I am on auto pilot.
Most people fight having some sort of mental meltdown. I crave one.
Because mine usually don’t last long, it truly is just like rebooting a computer. Except instead of clicking on “restart” I have a crying jag, sleep it off, and start with a clean slate.
It’s often amazing how a simple reboot can make a computer function so much better. And my brain is the same way. As numb as I am today, as spaced out as I am…My brain is still on overload, running too many programs that it’s memory can’t handle.
(For some reason I have the voice of a Dalek in my head shouting REBOOT REBOOT REBOOT)
Hopefully this three day weekend will give me the much needed reboot I need.
I think I need to explain to a 5 year old that she really can’t have a tree chipper, mommy was just joking.
Do you think this art is good enough to sell on Etsy? I have some other pieces done as well and I would love to be able to contribute to the house but I don’t know that anyone would really want to buy my art. Anyhow I welcome any opinions! Be genteel though.
On another note I’ve noticed that I apologize constantly for everything. Icing on my face, I’m sorry. Tripped up the stairs, I’m sorry. I’m hungry, I’m sorry. Having to pass someone excuse, oh I’m sorry. Always saying I’m sorry. I don’t understand it at all.
I’m so all over the place, I am definitely being 100% bipolar! maybe even tri or quadruple.. Ugh..
Posted in Read Along
Saw my psych doc today. She’s concerned (no surprise) but since it’s a holiday weekend and I’ll be with people, wants me to hold out into next week and see if the med we increased makes a difference. If I’m not at least plateaued by next week, she’ll switch me back to remeron — which seemed […]