Shock Out Of It

I wrote a book. Yes. I just have to finish editing it, make a cover page, and format it, and I’ll start distributing it. I’m working on a website for it, and will post the links when I get there. I’ve been busy lately.

I moved apartments, to a nice one bedroom, from a bachelor with a shared kitchen, and my friend (and owner of Sanderro Farms) Michele moved in. I’ve been going to the barn every day and I’m riding a new horse – Sully. He’s amazing. He’s a 15 year old Trakehnr and he is worth his weight in gold. I love him. Michele owns him and suggested I lease him. I’m so happy with him.

Psychiatric-wise.. my Lexapro is now 20mg. Its helping more at a lower dose. I’m still kinda hypo (manic) so I think dropping it more, or even getting rid of it would be great. Dr B got me in with an assessment psychiatrist who verified schizoaffective disorder as my current diagnosis, and changed the Lexapro (Cipralex in Canada) dose. He is referring me on to a permanent psychiatrist, and Dr B is very happy.

I saw Dr B on the 1st, before I moved (stressful day) for the Risperdal Consta shot. I told him arm sucked, and said to administer it in the bum from now on. He said “Wow, that’s a big needle!” after putting on the 20ga 2″ and I had to laugh. Good thing needles don’t bug me. It didn’t hurt. Or ache. Or anything, except do what the meds supposed to do – work.

The Piportil was given with, I believe, an 18ga needle, which is thicker than the 20ga (for example, an 8 gauge needle is fucking HUGE, and a 30ga is tiny, that’s how the gauge system works) and sometimes I felt it. The Risperdal Consta is so much easier and is less thick (Piportil was oil based) so its a painless injection (in the bum, at least). That, and Dr B is good at giving shots. Even the most painful ones don’t hurt much more than a pinch. It’s usually after that hurts. Everyone knows how their arm feels like after a tetanus shot. It’s not usually the needle itself!

Enough of my needle-obsessed rambling. I have no side effects from Risperdal Consta anymore. I can still reach orgasm *cough* uh, multiple times in a row, quickly. I don’t have prolactin issues. No psychosis. No pain, redness or swelling after the shot. No EPS, no TD. I have some mild restlessness, but take Artane as needed. The worst restlessness was after the first shot, getting adjusted, but now its pretty much gone.

Cognitively, I’m a lot better than I was on Dope-a-max  I still lose the occasional word, but that’s about it. I’m completely off Topamax now. I’m definitely not dull, I’m not sedated, I don’t have anhedonia. The dose might have to go up because I am a bit “up”, a little more than on a mood stabilizer, but I’m functioning well. We’ll see after I’m off Lexapro.

I’m looking for a job. I applied in person and online to 10 places today at the Transition To Employment office (well, my worker drove to the places to apply with me). We’re doing more next week. Living with Michele (awesome roomie!) has me on a routine. I can’t wait to start working. The schizoaffective disorder is well controlled right now. I’m stable, I’ve gained weight (no period yet, even though my prolactin was checked and is fine, but hey, I hate periods) and I’m a lot healthier.  I’m at 107lbs currently, up from 98, two months ago. This is my new “high”. People still say I’m “tiny” or “too small”.

I don’t fear I’ll gain too much weight. I’m eating normally. My body is adjusting to my appetite being back. I would wake up covered in cold sweat some days. Apparently that can be because the metabolism is readjusting. My weight fluctuates daily, but I exercise a lot, I’m eating better (thanks Michele!) and I don’t feel I’m going to gain a lot. The gain is slow, and has been relative with my eating. I’m not obsessing over it, when I was losing, I weighed myself a lot more and would panic when I saw the number go down.

Now I feel a bit “ah crap” when I see it go up, but also “Oh, good!”. I still need to wear a belt and a lot of my clothes don’t fit, but the weight will distribute eventually. I don’t feel my bones jamming into the bed as much. Weight gain is positive for me. I was told I’ll likely settle at my “set weight” of around 115-120lbs. I weigh myself out of curiosity now, not worry. Dr B is very happy I’ve gained weight. I look better.

My biggest downfall is my shoulder. It’s been killing me. I signed the forms with Dr A, a renowned ortho surgeon who is doing arthroscopic rotator cuff repair in 11 months. Surgery is a GO, but he has a waiting list. I couldn’t ask for a better ortho surgeon, though. He’s also very kind and not as gruff as the other ortho surgeons I’ve seen in my time (I’ve seen many througout my life). He answered all of my moms questions about the surgery, and was very thorough, and didn’t force me into a decision. He said if I change my mind, just to call.

Unfortunately, I ended up in the useless ER for shoulder pain 2 weeks ago. They gave me a shot of toradol (helped so much, until it wore off) and told me to see my GP. NSAID’s cause ulcers if used for long periods, and I hate narcotics. Dr B suggested Tylenol 3 at first, but I don’t want to risk tolerance and addiction, not to mention a simple T3 makes me woozy and I can’t drive or function much.

So he is giving me Tramadol. I know its an opiod, same strength as T3, but released over 24 hours. It works well so far. I don’t have the drunk-feeling side effects. I take 100mg a day. He said not to take more than 300mg, that 200mg would be best, but the 100mg is fine for me.

I have a horse show on August 16th. I’m showing in the Hack Division. It’s Road Hack (faster, they ask for extended trot and a hand gallop) to Show Hack (fancier, look good in this one) and then Pleasure Hack (long reins, relaxed horse, slower). Maybe I’ll win a ribbon! I’ve got my english garb together. I’m excited. So is Dr B! He’s excited about the show, and has never told me not to ride. I really appreciate his support.

My mom may be coming to the show (my SIL is due on August 14, so we’ll see) and is giving me a pin to wear on my blouse (on the neck, centre, front) for good luck. I hope she can come. I’m braiding Sully (he’s a light gray, so he’ll need a major bath!) and he’s going to look amazing.

That’s my life right now. Also looking for a D&D group to join with Michele. We might have a Pathfinder group set up. Awesome. I miss roleplaying. If you asked about my life on a d20, I’d say I rolled an 18 this week.

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