Daily Archives: August 4, 2014

Crash Crash SPLAT

Oh, yes. Following a blissful manic episode that kept me awake til nearly 5 am feeling ten feet tall and bulletproof and as high as anyone on a multitude of illicit narcotics…

The aftermath of mania has arrived.

I was fine all morning and early afternoon.

Then, like an attacker hiding behind a tree, I was ambushed and went sailing down the depressive rabbit hole. No trigger. No stressor. Nothing. Just flying high and SPLAT.

Now all the stress of this week is piling up and making me feel like I am in the middle of a roaring ocean without a life preserver. Spook’s birthday party at my mom’s. School registration. Saying goodbye to Bex and getting her to the bus station on time. Getting my kid a physical and her shots for school. Praying the waiver for waived fees is granted because I do not have $85 for her kindergarten registration.

Avalanche of stress.

But none of it was really weighing on my mind during the mania, or coming down from it. It was just this abrupt crash where I became lethargic, irritable, snappish, and sad for no real reason.

This is the hangover from a manic episode.

Of course, the professionals beg to differ that I have manic episodes because their duration is so short lived. It just lends credence to the crap ass shrink who determined me to be more cyclothymic. Meaning exactly how it sounds. My bipolar runs in brief cycles, resulting in very short periods of mania and stability with excessively long depressive  bouts

Yay.

I always remind myself, this too shall pass, but it’s of little comfort while braving the sea of abysmal darkness in your own mind.

Now…to end on a note that I suppose could be offensive and insensitive but it made me giggle when I read it.

Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Ho ho ho.


Russian Bloggers Freedom of Speech Suppressed

Rarely do I write about political issues, but sometimes I find It necessary. This is one of those times. Just a few day ago, August 1, 2014, Russia’s oppressive law for bloggers took effect. You haven’t heard of this? Probably because the fighting over the Gaza strip, Russia and the Ukraine, the downing of Malaysian […]

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Pit of Despair

I knew this was going to happen sooner or later. Misery has descended with a thud. Just can’t write today.

Sorry.


Never wanna come down…

It’s almost 3 am. I am manic as fuck. I need to sleep because I have to get up with my kid…
But I’ve been doing youtube music videos for six hours and it makes me happy. I am finding so much new music and I am positively giddy.
If I let this current mood go, it may not be back for months.
Catch fucking 22 from hell.
Earlier, my mood was lackluster, at bed.
Enter screwdrivers. Vodka (plain) usually makes me uber sedated and groggy. Not tonight. I’ve gone manic and mostly I think it’s music.
I get high on music. Literally. Better than booze or any drug.
Finding new bands that make me feel something, even if it’s just mindless headbanging…That’s worth a lot to me.

I’ve also been disillusioned to an extent, because I really like 30 Seconds to Mars but geesh, Leto can’t do a fucking video anymore. Nooo, it’s gotta be a 7 to 20 minute “film”.Play the goddamn song and shut the fuck up. I wanna watch you prattle, I’ll watch you act. MUSIC, dude, just music.

Scorcese wannabe.

Not that I am vitriolic. Oh, wait, I totally am. That’s just my personality and at the moment…I don’t care who likes it. I feel…invincible. Bulletproof.
Manic.

I will come down, and I will land hard, and I will feel stupid.

But for now…

I’m going with the manic episode. Music, mania, these are my drugs.

Anyone who’s bipolar and has had a manic episode will know what I am talking about. It’s….blissful. Euphoric. Damn near orgasmic.

Prelude to the abyss of depression tugging at my brain as of late. So pardon me while I embrace the manic episode and hump its leg senseless.


Sending Out An S.O.S.

It’s been a rough month for me, health wise and still no answers. Asking for prayers and good vibes. I will update you all as soon as I get an official diagnosis but for now I have to focus on my health rather than my blog. Thank you all…

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