As I mentioned before, I’ve been experiencing a bought of breakthrough panic this past week. I had individual therapy Tuesday, group therapy Wednesday, and just came from my psychiatrist today. It didn’t help that once again I came within inches of being in a horrific traffic accident that was in no way my fault – someone on my right tried to cross straight through me to make a left turn – when I was only 3 blocks from her office. I was 5 mins late to my appointment for the first time ever, and it happened to be on a day that her staff shortened her time blocks from 20 mins to 10 mins, and the good Dr herself was running around like a crazy person. I had a tough time explaining myself in that situation, but we decided to stay on the Remeron that she gave me for the bout of severe depression and taper off the Abilify since I’m still getting these weird side effects with my tongue/face even with the Cogentin added and to start titrating myself up on Lamictal. Even though I was at one point on 200mg with no rash/side effects, I still have to start with 25mg and work myself up. She’s afraid it may make me tend towards more mania but the way I’m feeling, bring it on…I can handle ups way better than downs.
However, she couldn’t eRx the meds bc there was something wrong with the system, and they seem to have run out/misplaced their script printer paper and definitely were out of her script pads (at this point the chaos and my own issues were creating a fairly spectacular fireworks display in my insides) so I agreed to swing by and pick up my scripts tomorrow.
Then I dared to ask the front desk for the medical disability forms that I dropped off for her 3 weeks ago that the Dr swore she filled out a week ago. After 30 mins of me politely refusing to leave until it was located, they found & returned the forms.
I had time to read through them in my car since I was parallel parked and absolutely boxed in and was forced to wait for someone else to move.
I’ve been marked as option #2: Temporarily Disabled for 12 months or more, with reevaluation after a year. “The patient may be a candidate for Social Security Disability or SSI benefits.” Let’s remember, folks, this round of paperwork is ONLY for State Medicaid, SSD/SSI will be a whole other ballgame.
This is what she wrote as my official assessment:
Patient suffers from bipolar affective disorder. Bipolar disorder is an episodic, incurable illness with variable course and outcome. Even with treatment, outcome can be poor, with high rates of relapse, persistence of residual symptoms after an acute episode, increased potential for cognitive loss, marked functional and psychosocial impairment, and high rates of suicide.
Well that certainly makes it sound like the nightmare it is. Hopefully the cubicle dwellers will see it that way.
Meanwhile I may as well meander into the office, and beg my stomach and mind to settle themselves.
I blame the amygdala.