Daily Archives: May 4, 2014

Community of Bloggers Award

communityofbloggerz

I’d like to thank Dr Rex for nominating me for this lovely award. It’s taken me a little while to accept it as I’ve been stuck in too many awards and just don’t know how to do them all justice. So I’ll suffice by saying I’m grateful for this award and honored to receive it but I’m not going to necessarily play along with the usual rules. I do want to thank Dr Rex for her unflagging support of my blogs and her generous re-blogging of my posts and how she makes me feel like a part of her community here on WordPress. She does as much as anyone here in showing me true friendship and caring thru many of my travails and struggles and is continually there for me when I post and write my little bits of trivia. I feel like I’m somehow failing at this effort of course but I can only do what I can do. I’ve been struggling  in my life lately with feeling worthless so it’s very hard to accept awards as I’ve said before. But Dr Rex sees thru this and still befriends me in a kind and loving way that stirs my soul and makes me feel like I Am a part of this Community of Bloggers. I don’t know what higher praise I can give to her.

Of course her blog is wonderful and filled with all sorts of good information and timely posts on the state of the world and how things are going right and wrong both. I always get a boost from reading her blog and learn a lot about what’s going on in other blogs and in the world in general. You can read her work at: http://hrexach.wordpress.com/ and I hope you’ll visit her and see what she writes about. I’m sure you’ll find inspiration, as I do, in her work. In her post about this award at: http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2014/04/10/community-of-bloggerz-award-for-it-is-what-it-is/ she writes eloquently about Community which is a focal point of her blog. She often alludes to the fact that we’re all in this together and are a part of this Community of Bloggers which she has  acknowledged in this post and in giving the award to others. I”m grateful to be included in this community of wonderful folks.

I’m not going to actually nominate people for this award because I’ve found that too many folks consider them a distraction and I feel too timid to ask them to accept something they may not want. This is my hang up I admit but it’s real and true for me so I’ll just thank all the people who have been following and liking my blog and being supporters of my work. There are a lot of folks who have given me this kind feedback on my work and I’m very grateful for this community of bloggers who have visited my site and left a note or a like or a follow. All of you deserve this award and if you’re so inclined I hope you’ll accept it and put in on your site.

You’re supposed to nominate 14 other bloggers for this so if you feel like you can do that I applaud you and encourage you to do so. But I’m just going to say Thank You to all of the folks who have made me feel a part of something here that is bigger than myself. It’s a good thing to feel this and Community is something that I’ve worked hard to be a part of my whole life. I’ve often worked jobs that were focused on community building and I still feel like it’s a part my work regardless of how I do it. One of my ways seems to be just to post my work and try to make connections with others here as I can, however it works. So thank you to all of you for being here and reading this. Please feel free to accept this award and be a part of this wonderful community with me. Thank you.

Here’s a  short listing of some of the people I’m talking about in my rambling way. Thank you for visiting me, Owl of Knowledge, Dan Riegler, Jane Adams, Dani, White Rabbit, One Anna 65, Brenda, Quarter Acre Lifestyle, Robbie, Dr Rex (Horty), and Wild Thang/Tammy. I guess 11 is my number for now, tho I know there are others who deserve to be mentioned. Consider it done if you will please. I feel like all these folks and more are a part of my community in Naked Nerves and I’m grateful for their presence here. I hope you’ll all keep coming back and I’ll try my best to keep writing things that interest you. Thank you to every one of you.

Peace and Love,

Steve


Filed under: Awards, Community, Relationships Tagged: Awards, Community

Imprinted

Well, my kid is staying the night at my dad’s. I made it 7 hours, got much done thanks to hypomannia, and realized…”Me” time is good. But I am programmed to be mommy and not having her here just feels weird. The mommy thing imprinted on me deeply. I don’t get these people who can walk out on their kid like they are nothing. Even most cats have the common sense to care for their young.WTF is wrong with people? My dad knows one guy who has 3 kids by 3 different women and sees or supports NONE of them. (Oh, wow, irony.) The guy is $14,00 behind in child support. Serves him right for being a deadbeat asshole. Kids are a gift, especially when you consider how many couples can’t have a child of their own and it’s all they ever wanted.

Slipknot is right. *Some* People=Shit.

My energy has been bouncing off the walls today and it is AWESOME. Working on the place in spurts. My yard looks spifferdoodle. Except when I got back from dad’s the neighbor kids were in the yard and wouldn’t leave even though I told them Spook wasn’t here and they needed to go. And they came back four times and their grandmother was right there, while I am saying go home, telling  them it’s okay.. Excuse me, my yard, my kid’s swingset. GO HOME! These new neighbors are fucking something. Their little girl, who is 5, pulled her pants down and pooped and peed in the yard the other day. And they’re braindead, they don’t care as long as she isn’t bothering them. Ass trash.

Went to some yard sales. Found a few quarter clothes for my kid, but it was pretty disappointing. Yard sales can be that way. Feast or famine. Oh, well, it got us out of the house.

I’ve been cleaning out the closets and shed and having my dad haul the stuff away. And everyone has dubbed me a hoarder and declared I need to be on that show. What the morons fail to understand is that I have never set out to be a hoarder or let things get out of hand. But in a depression that lasts 5,6,7,8 months at a time…It happens. And it happens to me a lot. And rather than notice the patters relating to mania/depression, they think I am a lazy hoarder. And these are the people who like me, supposedly.

I was petting my kittens earlier and I felt something amazing…Pure joy and absolute love. First time in months I truly felt warm and fuzzy. I like being alive again. No more Lithi-Numb. Fuck that.

So apparently dad mentioned to mom about the landlord being on me about the yard being messy. And she went off on him, yelling, screaming, and name calling. She said I live in a dump and I should just tell them to fuck off. Ha, if only I had that luxury, I wouldn’t be here. It’s just my only option. And considering how the Donor up and left us, I have done well keeping a roof over our heads. It would be nice if my mom could just give me a bit of credit on occasion and be proud of me for something. Dad is no better. He spent six months telling me the yard look shitty, I get it looking great, and not a word. I reiterate, there are times I wish I was an orphan.

manicmanicmanic.

Or maniac. Whatever.

8 months I was sliding into and getting buried in the depressive abyss. I can live with mania for awhile. I’m not telling the doctor because my mood still abruptly crashes most days around 5 pm. I think I will ask for a Paxil increase. If I go crazy manic I will tell her. eventually. I just like feeling good for a change. Most people feel this way a lot of the time and take it for granted. I don’t.

Oh, to show how flaky I am…I got half lost in my dad’s town. Population 700. Most of the streets were dead end and I got turned around and then asked directions and got those all turned around. Since the brain damage from the Nardil interaction (FYI, when taking an MAOI and it says don’t eat cheese, even accidentally, LISTEN!!!) I find myself half dyslexic in my thought patterns. Especially with numbers. And the short term memory is terrible. I forget things 15 seconds after hearing them and it’s not embellishment. And the shrink who treated me said, “Well, at least you had the brain cells to spare, most people don’t.” Charming.  I’ve never been the same since then. I keep wondering if they gave me electro shock while I was catatonic and scrambled my brain some more. Rude.

Oooh Voodoo is awake. I’m gonna snuggle the kitten. When they were born I was still in a depression and thinking, fuck, more responsibility. Now I am soo happy to have them.

Amazing how bipolar cycles this way.