Bipolarly 2014-04-30 23:15:00

This will be brief, but I wanted to post an update for anyone wondering what happened to me.  The truth is, I’m not really sure.  I am having what I believed to be another batch of cluster headaches (if you are not familiar with this type, look it up: they hurt really bad!) but along with those I am having intense bouts of rage, so much so that I am unbearable to my family.  D almost left with our son this morning.  I am glad that he didn’t; on the other hand, maybe that would be best for them, though not for me. I have had thoughts of killing myself just so they don’t have to deal with me anymore.  That may sound absurd to you readers, but you aren’t in this household, so you don’t really know how bad it is.  So there.

While the rage is the most terrible part of all of this, I am also troubled by how these headaches are affecting not only my behavior, but my speech and coordination.  Yeah, yeah, go to the doctor you say.  Well, we’re working on it.  We don’t have the money.  I don’t have insurance.  But we’re working on figuring out something. Obviously.

In the meantime, no, I have not been visiting anyone’s blogs.  Please don’t be offended.  I still enjoy reading them, but my vision has been very poor with all of this going on, as well as my concentration.  I am not going to be writing on here.  I just can’t.

If you are spiritual, your prayers are appreciated. If you are not, don’t worry about it.  It is what it is.  If you have a medical degree and/or have any idea what could cause this type of headache/rage/etc. then feel free to fill me in.  I am guessing it could be neurogical, psychological, or hormonal, or a combination of those.  But I am not a doctor.  So I can’t say for sure, and Web MD just makes me think I have a brain tumor.  So I am trying to avoid any attempts at self diagnosis.

Comments are closed.