Daily Archives: April 10, 2014

Work Hacks

Yay me! I just finished a big project (or at least the first phase of it) for which I will be paid actual money!

I am very fortunate/grateful that I am able to do freelance work at home, on my own schedule (mostly), using my education and skills, in my pajamas. Telecommuting is so way cool!

I can’t work an eight-hour day in an office any more (and likely won’t again). I can only concentrate for a max of three hours at a time, and some days not even that. Occasionally, if there’s a tight deadline, I can manage two sessions, or one and a half.Just Get Through It message on a dry erase board encouraging you to stick with your project or challenge during a stressful time in your work or life

Of course motivation is a factor. Deadlines and money are two really good ones. But sometimes I have to force myself – or trick myself – into doing actual work. This was true even when I did work in an office.

Anyway, here are some of my techniques – work hacks, as I guess they’re now called.

Taking breaks. Now of course, I can take breaks whenever I want, from a quick game of Candy Crush to an actual nap. My brain and body let me know when it’s time. They just crap out.

When I worked at the office, I tried taking crossword puzzle breaks at my desk. But apparently smoking was the only permissible break activity. Hiding in the bathroom didn’t work. People were known to track me down and ask questions anyway. (“Do you mind if I wipe and flush first?” Sarcasm seemed called for.)

When I got twitchy, I walked around the third floor or even more than one floor until I calmed down. The trick is to carry a clipboard or a few manila folders and walk sort of briskly so it looks like you’re going somewhere and doing something. It works best if the office has more than one room.

Pretending to work. I developed this technique at the office, but it can also be used at home. I would say to myself, “I don’t know how to get started. I’ll just write one sentence, so if someone walks by my cube, it looks like I’m working.” It was surprising to find that once the first sentence was on the screen, I knew what the second one should be – or that the first one was horrible and I could revise it, which also looked like work. Once I built some momentum this way, I was rolling. I don’t have anyone looking over my shoulder now, but the idea is the same – one sentence is the minimum, then see what happens.

Bribery and rewards. These are actually more or less the same. If I do X amount of work, I can check my email or eat a cookie or call a friend. I get to feel virtuous for working and satisfied by the little treat.

Forcing myself. If I’ve got a really tight deadline, I have to apply some internal pressure, especially if it’s one of those I-don’t-think-I-can-get-out-of-bed-days. Everyone in this house likes to eat. (The cats insist on it.) My pay will cover the mortgage, so we won’t be living under the Third St. bridge next month. This is dangerous, because I am a great catastrophizer, but sometimes it’s the only thing that works.

Artificial goals and lying to myself. If I can just do five more pages I can quit for the day. I know I can make it to the end of this section (that would be the lying part).

Stupid work. There are a lot of fairly pointless tasks that must be done anyway, but can be done by rote – adding headers and footers and page numbers, alphabetizing, running spell-check (or typing-check, as I prefer to think of it), that sort of thing. To me, that counts as actual work, and some days it’s all I can manage.

Unfortunately, none of these are effective for housework. No one pays me for that.

 


Filed under: Mental Health Tagged: acting "normal", anxiety, bipolar disorder, coping mechanisms, freelance work, mental health, working at home

I’m an Angel!?

award-angel_edited-1

I hardly know where to begin with this new award. It’s hard for me to envision myself as an Angel. I’m so many people you see. I go back and forth from being such a nice guy to being a jerk and from being happy and bright to sad and depressed so often with my Bipolar disorder. It’s difficult to see myself as an angel in anyone’s eyes, but I am in Dr Rex’s sight and it brings tears to my eyes. I’m so grateful for this look at myself that is so hard to take in and yet feels so good to receive. I’ve talked a lot about Dr. Rex on my blogs and I still find new things to say. I encourage you to go to her blog at: http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2014/04/03/a-new-award-the-angel-award/ and read what she has to say about this award.

It’s a testament to her character that she has been given this award and I can surely see why she has it. She does such a good job of “Being There” for so many of us. She is an Angel in the best sense of the word as I understand it. She loves her readers and her work and is passionate about how she presents it all to the world. She’s very kind and loving and truly cares about the world and its inhabitants. She is an Angel for sure! I’m very grateful to her for giving me this award. It’s a relatively simple one, with no particular rules, so I’ll just follow her excellent lead and say that if you’re reading this blog you’re nominated for this award by me. It means that you care enough about what I have to say to read my work and that makes you an angel in my eyes.

I’m so grateful for all the wonderful readers I have here on Naked Nerves even tho I know that it’s probably challenging for some folks to read some of the topics I write about. I try my best to be real and write about the things that affect my life and those of others who have Invisible Illnesses and how we cope in the world. It’s a hard row to hoe but it’s worth it to receive this kind of wonderful feedback from Dr. Rex. I’ll try my best to keep being an angel in the ways I’m able to and to take in the award and make it feel real to myself.

You’re just witnessing how hard it is for some of us to accept compliments when we’re not feeling our best or worrying that we’re fakes and phoneys. I feel that a lot, so getting this kind of feedback is important to me and it’s important that I “Get It” and rely on someone else’s vision of me instead of just my own. So in that vein I thank you again Dr Rex, for your kindness and vision in granting me this award. I will do my best to live up to what it can mean. Thank you to everyone who reads this and comes to visit my site as well. You’re all Angels and without you all I wouldn’t even bother to be here. You’re the reason for me to blog, and I value you all immensely. Together we build a better world, one blog at a time…

Keeping the Faith,

Steve


Filed under: Awards, Bipolar, Depression, Emotions, Faith, Social Change Tagged: Awards, Bipolar, Invisible Illness, mental-health, recurrent depression

I’m an Angel!?

award-angel_edited-1

I hardly know where to begin with this new award. It’s hard for me to envision myself as an Angel. I’m so many people you see. I go back and forth from being such a nice guy to being a jerk and from being happy and bright to sad and depressed so often with my Bipolar disorder. It’s difficult to see myself as an angel in anyone’s eyes, but I am in Dr Rex’s sight and it brings tears to my eyes. I’m so grateful for this look at myself that is so hard to take in and yet feels so good to receive. I’ve talked a lot about Dr. Rex on my blogs and I still find new things to say. I encourage you to go to her blog at: http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2014/04/03/a-new-award-the-angel-award/ and read what she has to say about this award.

It’s a testament to her character that she has been given this award and I can surely see why she has it. She does such a good job of “Being There” for so many of us. She is an Angel in the best sense of the word as I understand it. She loves her readers and her work and is passionate about how she presents it all to the world. She’s very kind and loving and truly cares about the world and its inhabitants. She is an Angel for sure! I’m very grateful to her for giving me this award. It’s a relatively simple one, with no particular rules, so I’ll just follow her excellent lead and say that if you’re reading this blog you’re nominated for this award by me. It means that you care enough about what I have to say to read my work and that makes you an angel in my eyes.

I’m so grateful for all the wonderful readers I have here on Naked Nerves even tho I know that it’s probably challenging for some folks to read some of the topics I write about. I try my best to be real and write about the things that affect my life and those of others who have Invisible Illnesses and how we cope in the world. It’s a hard row to hoe but it’s worth it to receive this kind of wonderful feedback from Dr. Rex. I’ll try my best to keep being an angel in the ways I’m able to and to take in the award and make it feel real to myself.

You’re just witnessing how hard it is for some of us to accept compliments when we’re not feeling our best or worrying that we’re fakes and phoneys. I feel that a lot, so getting this kind of feedback is important to me and it’s important that I “Get It” and rely on someone else’s vision of me instead of just my own. So in that vein I thank you again Dr Rex, for your kindness and vision in granting me this award. I will do my best to live up to what it can mean. Thank you to everyone who reads this and comes to visit my site as well. You’re all Angels and without you all I wouldn’t even bother to be here. You’re the reason for me to blog, and I value you all immensely. Together we build a better world, one blog at a time…

Keeping the Faith,

Steve


Filed under: Awards, Bipolar, Depression, Emotions, Faith, Social Change Tagged: Awards, Bipolar, Invisible Illness, mental-health, recurrent depression

What goes up, must come down

I have done as little as possible today. Yesterday’s running about all day really tapped me out. Even my leg muscles ache. I get that way after time in the petri dish. It’s very stressful and difficult for me to perform to “societal norm specs” and it takes a toll. My mood has been low today, my anxiety through the roof. I treated myself to a pajama day and didn’t leave the lot except to get my kid on and off the bus. I couldn’t do another one like yesterday.

Some will read this and disdainfully think, “Grow up, you had a normal day like everyone else does every day, suck it up.” And how I wish it were that simple. But yesterday, the so called normal day others live 24-7 and do it with aplomb…it’s not me. It’s not a matter of can’t or won’t. It’s a matter of the price I pay. This is not an excuse to avoid by any means. It’s just a very real consequence of me trying to perform at warp speed that others consider the norm. I have learned this over the years and I need to give myself time to recover. It may sound silly but it’s true.

Those with mental illness are not exactly like other people. No one would expect you to run a marathon with a leg in a cast hobbling on crutches. Yet when your mind doesn’t work right, no slack is cut, you are still expected to “be normal” and keep that pace. For some of us, it is possible but it is draining. And what adds insult to injury is when the people around me expect me to be like them. It’s not gonna happen because I’m not like them. That is not overstating my importance in the universe, it is simple fact. Much like diabetics need a special diet and insulin, those with mental health issues require a bit of patience, compassion, and understanding.

Sadly, it’s rarely forthcoming. It’s pretty much why I have given up on people or doing the social interaction thing.I can’t be around people who stress me out and invalidate me because they can’t cope with me being “mental” and having certain issues and limitations. I just don’t have it in me anymore. I deserve better. And alone is better than trying to be something I’m not to please others who expect to be accepted as is. Hypocrites.

Maybe it makes makes me dysfunctional.

Or maybe I have just finally become a true adult, comfortable in my own opinions and with my own company. I don’t require the validation of others to exist. It’s nice to get but on my own, I validate myself and I don’t put conditions on it. I like who I am for the most part. I have some traits I’d like to work on but for the most part…I’m okay being me.

Just wish they’d create a “mood swing-ectomy” procedure.

 


Black Box

A new TV show that is coming soon to the ABC network called Black Box. According to IMDb the synopsis is

“Catherine Black, a famed neuroscientist, with a job at the Center for Neurological Research and Treatment, struggles with mental illness and its one of the many secrets she hides from her fiancé and her family.”

I am intrigued. I’m going to watch it and support the show because it is exposing mental illness to the public, but I am going to be weary because sometimes the portrayal of mental illness on screen is scary and overwhelming.

Please watch it with me and let discuss what you think!


Filed under: Awareness, News, Ranting, Videos