Daily Archives: March 18, 2014

Fiction and Coping

I enjoy reading fiction to de-stress.

One of my favorite series to read is one that I’ve been reading since I was 6 years old.

British Cover

British Cover

I first read Harry Potter when I was 6. My school’s librarian had a copy of it, I think from a cousin or someone in her family. Anyway, I was constantly in the library reading, so she let me borrow the British copy to read it. I fell in love. So the next year, when the American version came out, I read that one. And I’ve been reading every book as it came out since. It’s one of the most addictive series I’ve ever gotten involved in.

Others come and go as fads for me. I read/watch them…go through phases and periods of interest and periods where I’m not so interested in them. But Harry Potter was constantly with me from the age of 6 onwards. Each book release, each movie release…I was completely a part of it. It was a huge part of my life.

Fiction is a way for me to escape the daily hustle and panic of life. It gets me out of the real world, and out of daily concerns that do nothing but overwhelm me. By reading and watching fiction I can cope, because it provides me with a break. With Harry Potter, the longest-running of my fictional obsessions, I can escape into a massive world of magic, witches and wizards, Quidditch and wizarding schools. It’s a unique way to cope for me, because I prefer the later books, where undoubtedly the action and plot are darker and more fraught with issues…but I think that knowing they are fictional helps me just enjoy them without the inherit nerves that accompany my daily concerns.

Coping is difficult on a daily basis. Sometimes I just want to curl up in bed and never leave. Getting to escape into a fictional world is nice, a good way to relax and enjoy myself. I think that fiction is the best way, at least personally, for me to cope. There’s something, for me, about immersing myself into a new world and just forgetting my own concerns to fully invest myself in the story of the person/people of the story/movie.

Harry Potter has the most longevity for me. I think perhaps because I grew up with it. I grew up finding out what happened to Harry and his friends and enemies. It was a huge part of who I was…all the excitement of what would happen next. So it’s a fiction that has more meaning as a coping mechanism, because of how much it helped me out as I grew up. Within the broad genre of fiction, having an opportunity to escape and just enjoy time without worry is something that rarely happens without some distraction. If I don’t insist on my mind being distracted from the worries and concerns that swirl there, I won’t take a break from my concerns. So fiction helps present that distraction to let me take that needed break.

(I’m realizing this might be rambling. Sorry about that. I just wanted to get my thoughts down before I forgot what I was thinking.)

Art Therapy

I’m not an artist.. but here are some quick paintings I did today. I just get bored and paint.. it helps me relax a bit.. I’ve been a bit on edge since I found out I need oral surgery yesterday.. Ack!

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Always lurking.. I did this with the eyeballs to represent a feeling of always being watched, something over us always watching.

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This is just kind of random.. Spring colours.. I started with a shape in mind and did random brush strokes and added the shape. Nothing special.

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I was thinking laserbeams here, but made it blue and rainbow.

 

 

 

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Curse of Curves (my pony’s show name). Just overlapping shapes in different colours.

 

 

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My favourite. A dying flower. When flowers get spots, they’re sick and contagious. I like how this turned out.

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The Art Of Dysfunction

It’s 3:30 a.m. I woke up around 12:30 for no reason. Just woke up. Maybe because I’d crawled into bed freezing cold and in a depressive abyss at 9 PM. For no reason.

Now I am huddled under a blanket in front of this screen looking at the digital clock and I swear I can hear it ticking old school, mocking me, telling me I have to be up in 3 hours to get my kid ready for school and if I don’t sleep soon I am going to oversleep and she will miss the bus and I will have to take her. That happened four days last week because my dysfunction has resulted in splotchy sleep.

My anxiety is off the charts, round and round the cyclone of thoughts swirl. I have to register her for Kindergarten next week and they want every document known to man from six different doctors and I have nothing ready to go. I have to see a substitute shrink Wednesday. By the weekend I have to go plaster on the happy face for my sister’;s birthday shindig with the family (And while I survived my last plastered on happy face outing, I paid for it with two days of absolute miserable depression.) Round and round it goes. I took a Xanax but apparently it only slows down the brain for everyone but me.

I feel overwhelmed and buried alive. The depression simply isn’t lifting. This is an anomaly because even without an anti dep, the change of weather and time should be making me enter a manic phase. I’m not even getting that much of a break here. So I am freaking out and cursing my own dysfunction and surrounded by people who don’t care and don’t get it which adds to the depression and frustration.

It’s weird because I do have very brief periods of feeling content or even on an upswing. But they’re so fleeting it’s like, why bother. I have something to look forward to this summer and instead, my brain has turned it into this thing of terror and dread and panic. Like it’s going to be a disaster because everything I touch is shit and all I ever do is disappoint people. Why bother trying.

Hell, today I got motivated and fixed a meatloaf. It was overcooked in spots. I couldn’t even get a meatloaf right. It made me very dejected. If I can’t do simple things I’ve done a dozen times before, what hope is there for something new working out?

I wish it would all go away, all the dysfunction, all the lies depression tells, all the anxiety is causes.

But one thing about it. I have elevated dysfunction to an art form.


I Have Realized Something That I Have Always Known

………. but refused to truly recognize until this weekend. Some acquaintances of mine were married this weekend, and it is obvious from the photographs (especially the ones taken when they were not looking) that they love each other dearly and completely. My ex-husband never loved me that way no matter what I did. It is […]

I Have Realized Something That I Have Always Known

………. but refused to truly recognize until this weekend. Some acquaintances of mine were married this weekend, and it is obvious from the photographs (especially the ones taken when they were not looking) that they love each other dearly and completely. My ex-husband never loved me that way no matter what I did. It is […]

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Filed under: Ranting