Daily Archives: March 6, 2014

Aaliyah – Try Again

I am TOTALLY feeling this way right now.

I have overcome a situation that I been dreading for a while. It failed, but I tried and presented it in a different way, and I got results. Quickly! I’m really glad that I didn’t stop planning and walk away. I know understands what this songs really means. This is what it must feel like for people who aren’t faking this, because ultimately, isn’t taking medicine faking?

another time maybe. enjoy.


Filed under: Meds, Music, Ranting, Ranting, Uplifting, Videos

Ten Days In Lockdown Part IV

It was my third day in lockdown in the psych ward and I was scheduled to leave. After breakfast, one of the doctors took me to a private room to talk. He told me that I was not ready to leave, and as he pushed a form and a pen towards me and said that … Continue reading »

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Nearly 1 in 5 US Army soldiers had mental illness before they enlisted: study

Nearly 1 in 5 US Army soldiers had mental illness before they enlisted: study

What!?

I don’t much about anything military, so but I quote this from the article:

“One reason for the rise in these figures may have been the rush to fill ranks during the Afghanistan and Iraq war years, with recruiters telling enlistees to not volunteer that they had mental health afflictions.”

(Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/20-army-enlistees-mental-disorder-study-article-1.1710644#ixzz2v9WZNDaS)

Are these recruiters getting money with every person enlisted through them? If so, WE NEED TO CUT THAT. How many mentally illed people UN-VOLUNTARILY were there too? If you can’t tell the people around you sometimes that you have a mental illness, then how are you going to tell a recruiter that is waving money and benefits at you.

I wanted to join the military. I stood crying in my living room to my husband about how I might think that the military was the only thing left for me. My life was shit. I was going to amount to nothing.. I was also in the not medicated, drinking, smoking, losing it, mind running, really really angry, happy one minute, bad thoughts zone, but thought about enlisting. I didn’t.

I didn’t want to put someone’s else life in my hands at times, when I couldn’t hold my own.

So, here I am..

“Rock Forever21, but she just turned thirty”

- Kayne West

p.s. I’m not 30. not yet anyways :)


Filed under: Links, mental health awareness, News, Ranting

HerShadowtime 2014-03-06 01:48:55

There wasn’t enough time
To try and fix what was wrong
With you with me with what made we
And maybe all the time in the world
Wouldn’t have been time enough
But I know for me
The cut came much too quickly.

Feeling Feeling Feeling


Some days just spin me in too many directions, and this was one of them.  My moods have been all over the chart and then some.  I’ve had my feelings hurt.  I’ve been scared.  I’ve been pissed off.  I’ve been deliriously happy.  And soooo many hallucinations, or at least I assume I was hallucinating, unless there really is a league of white uniformed aliens outside following me around while I am trying to play with my son.  

Days like this are just, ugh, no words.  So out there, so all-consuming, so confusing.  I kept putting my hand on my chest and feeling how hollow and soundless I am.  Am I even here?  Am I a ghost?  But then I would tense with that drumming in my brain, the feeling feeling feeling until I wanted to scream out that I don’t want to feel anything anymore! But it will never stop.  Not until death, and then, who knows…the rat-a-tat-tat may follow me for all eternity.