Daily Archives: February 23, 2014

£329

Something wasn’t right.

I’d taken my bike to my local shop for a long overdue service. The mechanic had examined it carefully, methodically. I had a fair idea of what was wrong – the brake pads were worn down for a start. I’d been using my feet as brakes for a couple of weeks at least. Some of the gears were not changing smoothly.

Back in the summer I had taken it in for a service ahead of going on a short holiday in the New Forest. They told me then that the chainset (that’s all the cogs and bike chain to you and me) would need replacing soon, and this and that. Sure, I thought as I pedaled away from the shop. I’ll bring it in when I get back. Have them do it bit by bit, spread the cost so that it will be as good as new in time for me to compete in the World Championships alongside the likes of Sir Bradley Wiggins and Mark Cavendish in Italy that September.

You get the picture.

Did I heck. I forgot about all that sound advice, my financially savvy action plan, and just kept riding, and riding, and riding. So I finally booked it in for what I knew would be an expensive fix up job. Even the pannier rack was broken, the back of the rack sheared through as if someone had taken a saw to it. And I hadn’t noticed a thing as I loaded my panniers up and fixed them to the rack, day after day.

For the following week I used another bike, not a comfortable ride, it belongs to someone much taller than me and so the frame is bigger than my one. It was a pretty testicular experience getting on and off, I can tell you. A week later I robbed a bank on the way over to the bike shop, paid them £329 – £329! – and rode away. I had hardly got halfway home when I realised something was up. the brakes were not stiff like they should be, and the gears were still slipping. It was friday afternoon (the busiest time of the week for practising Jews like myself,) so I decided to call them after the weekend to arrange when to bring it back in for closer inspection.

Monday came and went. Tuesday. I was riding my bike, sure, but doing nothing about it. Wednesday, riding up the hill to my house in the dark with the gears clicking I resolved to act.

I rode back to the shop the following day and they fixed it. I haven’t been out on proper ride since.

Around the same time as this was going on I was talking to the people in my team at work about taking annual leave, saying that ‘it’s called annual leave for a reason … Don’t carry over too many days into the next year – which starts in April…’ It’s important to pace yourself I was saying, take your foot off the pedal from time to time. Then I looked at how many days I had left, thinking it would be 2 days at the most. I had 9 days left. For me, working part-time, that’s 3 of my working weeks.

I was pole axed. At a time when I had hardly been on my bike, I had been pedalling, pedalling, pedalling on a bike that was not road worthy.

Since that day I have woken up every morning exhausted. I have been watching tv most nights – since when do I ever do that? I have an increasing number of what I coyly describe as ‘brain malfunctions’.

I have booked several days’ leave over the next few weeks, but I look at my diary and those days just feel like pressure – as if they are saying to me that I need to be someplace and I’m not going to make it.

I many times thought peace had come,

When peace was far away;

As wrecked men deem they sight the land

At centre of the sea,

And struggle slacker, but to prove,

As hopelessly as I,

How many fictitious shores

Before the harbor lie.

Emily Dickinson (1830 – 1886)


Pain and Comfort

I'm on the path to gaining weight:  cereal at night, frozen yogurt, sugar in my coffee.  I have been needing comfort.  Broken sleep isn't going to help, either.

I have had a toothache for three or four weeks...ever since I had a tooth filled.  But that is not where it hurts. In fact, we can not tell exactly where the pain is coming from.  It hurts all over the side of my head and down my jaw.  I have been taking ibuprofen and Tylenol around the clock for weeks.  I hate to think what that is doing to my lithium levels...or my kidneys and liver, for that matter.

I'm tired of pain.  I'm tired of dry mouth.  I'm tired of non-stop tongue and jaw movement (tardive dyskinesia).  I'm tired of sighing.  I'm tired of not sleeping through the night. But, what I am doing for comfort is sabotaging the one aspect of my life that is going right for me these days:  My weight is down.  I have 15-25 lbs. to go but I've lost 25 lbs. since last Fall...when I stopped taking Abilify and we jacked up the Lithium...and I became so sick.

The challenge now is to identify some other activity that will comfort me and not harm me or my efforts.  For example...


  • There are beneficial foods that can be comforting, like fruit, small amounts of protein, even cereal...just not in the middle of the night.
  • There are books of inspiration and comfort.  (I may elaborate on this in a later post.) 
  • There are music, candles, and incense.
  • Favorite movies.
  • Gentle yoga
  • A long walk
  • A short walk
  • Bubble bath
  • Hair cut (my beautician gives an incredibly nice head massage)
  • Putting an area of the house in order, like my desk or dresser.  I find cleared, smooth surfaces (especially wood surfaces) soothing.
  • Sweeping the floor (again with the wood surface). Of course, having someone else sweep the floor would be nice...but that requires a struggle...and that is a whole other post.

I need pain relief...I need comfort.  Do you have any ideas?  What do you do for comfort?  I'd love to know...

Closure



Since Christmas I've been trying to sort out my life and I've had to make some huge decisions. The biggest decision so far and probably one of the most important decisions I've ever made has been to cut all ties with my ex husband. I decided that I have to bury him in the past for good. I'll never be able to move on completely while he's still in the background. It scares me. Even though it's been over three years since we split, he's always managed to find a way to get involved. He's always been there just enough to keep something going but without any commitment. He's repeatedly told me it's because he still loves me and cares about me and wants to stay friends. He wants me to turn to him every time something happens. He said he will always be there for me. I think I've realised at last that what he's saying is ridiculous. He can't be there. He has a whole new life without me. Where was he when I was crying myself to sleep on Christmas Eve? Where is he when I'm sitting at home alone wondering where on earth my life is going? Where is he when I wake up some mornings and just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is ok?  It's all bollocks. He can tell me he still cares about me and that he still loves me a million times. It means nothing. It's just words. How can we still be friends? Friends don't have to hide away from the world. Friends don't have to be friends in secret. If we were true friends I could pop round to his for a cuppa and if his girlfriend happened to be there it shouldn't make any difference. Friends don't make each other miserable. I have true friends. I don't need a fair weather one.
I knew exactly the moment when I decided I'd had enough. We went out for a meal, miles away from anywhere. I suspect he didn't want anyone to find out. As we were chatting he told me how well he thought I was doing now I was off my meds. He said " I always knew if you put your mind to it you could beat this thing". He doesn't know fuck all. He will never "get it". He thinks he knows about me and about bipolar. That comment just made me realise how clueless he really is and always will be. He thinks I can "cure" myself.
I wrote to him the next day. I told him you either want to be with someone or you don't. I told him if he wanted to be friends then it had to be open and honest. I told him that what wasn't ok was to keep making me believe that there could be a chance we might get back together one day. If he had told me that it was me he really wanted after all I have to admit that even though I've said it could never happen, I would have given him another chance. 
He didn't reply so I wrote again and told him I'd made the decision to cut him out of my life completely. I told him I didn't want any contact at all. No emails asking how I am, no turning up thinking he can tell me how I should be running my life, no meddling. I told him if anything happens to me again I don't want him anywhere near.  
He said he hadn't replied because he didn't know what to say, so true to form said nothing. He said he only ever did what he did because he loved me but if that's what I really wanted he would respect that. I do believe him but it's not a good enough reason to carry on as we are.
I haven't heard a thing for over two weeks now and I'm glad. For once he is doing the right thing by leaving me alone.
I still have some of my things in the loft at my old house. I will have to go collect it. I can't even remember exactly what's there so I need to go and look. I know there are all the photos of my son as a baby, stuff I had from school and college, stuff you collect over the years that have no material value but hold so many memories. I always was a bit sentimental about keeping certain things. I even kept the cork out of the bottle of champagne I had for my 21st and the Valentines card I got from my first boyfriend. I can't leave all that there. There's our wedding photos, video and cards. I don't know if I even want to keep them but if anyone is going to chuck them out it will be me. I'm not having someone else do it. I'll leave it a bit, but not too long. While it's there it's just an excuse to get in contact again. I'm going to take someone with me when I go. I'm sure it will be horrible and emotional. I don't want to be on my own in that situation. I don't want him trying to weedle his way in again.
I am upset. I don't hate him. I still love him. I just don't like who he has become. I won't ever be able to forget the past completely... I don't want to. I'll choose to remember what doesn't upset me. When you've had someone in your life for so long....even when it's not always been that great, it's frightening to think that they will be gone completely. It's also been positive for me.  I haven't thought about him that much at all. People have been telling me since we split that it's best to just go your own separate ways. They kept telling me I needed closure. I never took any notice. I guess I had to wait until I was ready. I do feel better about it all now. I don't need him at all. I don't want to be someone's second best. I'd rather be on my own. I feel strangely free.

Closure



Since Christmas I've been trying to sort out my life and I've had to make some huge decisions. The biggest decision so far and probably one of the most important decisions I've ever made has been to cut all ties with my ex husband. I decided that I have to bury him in the past for good. I'll never be able to move on completely while he's still in the background. It scares me. Even though it's been over three years since we split, he's always managed to find a way to get involved. He's always been there just enough to keep something going but without any commitment. He's repeatedly told me it's because he still loves me and cares about me and wants to stay friends. He wants me to turn to him every time something happens. He said he will always be there for me. I think I've realised at last that what he's saying is ridiculous. He can't be there. He has a whole new life without me. Where was he when I was crying myself to sleep on Christmas Eve? Where is he when I'm sitting at home alone wondering where on earth my life is going? Where is he when I wake up some mornings and just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is ok?  It's all bollocks. He can tell me he still cares about me and that he still loves me a million times. It means nothing. It's just words. How can we still be friends? Friends don't have to hide away from the world. Friends don't have to be friends in secret. If we were true friends I could pop round to his for a cuppa and if his girlfriend happened to be there it shouldn't make any difference. Friends don't make each other miserable. I have true friends. I don't need a fair weather one.
I knew exactly the moment when I decided I'd had enough. We went out for a meal, miles away from anywhere. I suspect he didn't want anyone to find out. As we were chatting he told me how well he thought I was doing now I was off my meds. He said " I always knew if you put your mind to it you could beat this thing". He doesn't know fuck all. He will never "get it". He thinks he knows about me and about bipolar. That comment just made me realise how clueless he really is and always will be. He thinks I can "cure" myself.
I wrote to him the next day. I told him you either want to be with someone or you don't. I told him if he wanted to be friends then it had to be open and honest. I told him that what wasn't ok was to keep making me believe that there could be a chance we might get back together one day. If he had told me that it was me he really wanted after all I have to admit that even though I've said it could never happen, I would have given him another chance. 
He didn't reply so I wrote again and told him I'd made the decision to cut him out of my life completely. I told him I didn't want any contact at all. No emails asking how I am, no turning up thinking he can tell me how I should be running my life, no meddling. I told him if anything happens to me again I don't want him anywhere near.  
He said he hadn't replied because he didn't know what to say, so true to form said nothing. He said he only ever did what he did because he loved me but if that's what I really wanted he would respect that. I do believe him but it's not a good enough reason to carry on as we are.
I haven't heard a thing for over two weeks now and I'm glad. For once he is doing the right thing by leaving me alone.
I still have some of my things in the loft at my old house. I will have to go collect it. I can't even remember exactly what's there so I need to go and look. I know there are all the photos of my son as a baby, stuff I had from school and college, stuff you collect over the years that have no material value but hold so many memories. I always was a bit sentimental about keeping certain things. I even kept the cork out of the bottle of champagne I had for my 21st and the Valentines card I got from my first boyfriend. I can't leave all that there. There's our wedding photos, video and cards. I don't know if I even want to keep them but if anyone is going to chuck them out it will be me. I'm not having someone else do it. I'll leave it a bit, but not too long. While it's there it's just an excuse to get in contact again. I'm going to take someone with me when I go. I'm sure it will be horrible and emotional. I don't want to be on my own in that situation. I don't want him trying to weedle his way in again.
I am upset. I don't hate him. I still love him. I just don't like who he has become. I won't ever be able to forget the past completely... I don't want to. I'll choose to remember what doesn't upset me. When you've had someone in your life for so long....even when it's not always been that great, it's frightening to think that they will be gone completely. It's also been positive for me.  I haven't thought about him that much at all. People have been telling me since we split that it's best to just go your own separate ways. They kept telling me I needed closure. I never took any notice. I guess I had to wait until I was ready. I do feel better about it all now. I don't need him at all. I don't want to be someone's second best. I'd rather be on my own. I feel strangely free.

Closure



Since Christmas I've been trying to sort out my life and I've had to make some huge decisions. The biggest decision so far and probably one of the most important decisions I've ever made has been to cut all ties with my ex husband. I decided that I have to bury him in the past for good. I'll never be able to move on completely while he's still in the background. It scares me. Even though it's been over three years since we split, he's always managed to find a way to get involved. He's always been there just enough to keep something going but without any commitment. He's repeatedly told me it's because he still loves me and cares about me and wants to stay friends. He wants me to turn to him every time something happens. He said he will always be there for me. I think I've realised at last that what he's saying is ridiculous. He can't be there. He has a whole new life without me. Where was he when I was crying myself to sleep on Christmas Eve? Where is he when I'm sitting at home alone wondering where on earth my life is going? Where is he when I wake up some mornings and just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is ok?  It's all bollocks. He can tell me he still cares about me and that he still loves me a million times. It means nothing. It's just words. How can we still be friends? Friends don't have to hide away from the world. Friends don't have to be friends in secret. If we were true friends I could pop round to his for a cuppa and if his girlfriend happened to be there it shouldn't make any difference. Friends don't make each other miserable. I have true friends. I don't need a fair weather one.
I knew exactly the moment when I decided I'd had enough. We went out for a meal, miles away from anywhere. I suspect he didn't want anyone to find out. As we were chatting he told me how well he thought I was doing now I was off my meds. He said " I always knew if you put your mind to it you could beat this thing". He doesn't know fuck all. He will never "get it". He thinks he knows about me and about bipolar. That comment just made me realise how clueless he really is and always will be. He thinks I can "cure" myself.
I wrote to him the next day. I told him you either want to be with someone or you don't. I told him if he wanted to be friends then it had to be open and honest. I told him that what wasn't ok was to keep making me believe that there could be a chance we might get back together one day. If he had told me that it was me he really wanted after all I have to admit that even though I've said it could never happen, I would have given him another chance. 
He didn't reply so I wrote again and told him I'd made the decision to cut him out of my life completely. I told him I didn't want any contact at all. No emails asking how I am, no turning up thinking he can tell me how I should be running my life, no meddling. I told him if anything happens to me again I don't want him anywhere near.  
He said he hadn't replied because he didn't know what to say, so true to form said nothing. He said he only ever did what he did because he loved me but if that's what I really wanted he would respect that. I do believe him but it's not a good enough reason to carry on as we are.
I haven't heard a thing for over two weeks now and I'm glad. For once he is doing the right thing by leaving me alone.
I still have some of my things in the loft at my old house. I will have to go collect it. I can't even remember exactly what's there so I need to go and look. I know there are all the photos of my son as a baby, stuff I had from school and college, stuff you collect over the years that have no material value but hold so many memories. I always was a bit sentimental about keeping certain things. I even kept the cork out of the bottle of champagne I had for my 21st and the Valentines card I got from my first boyfriend. I can't leave all that there. There's our wedding photos, video and cards. I don't know if I even want to keep them but if anyone is going to chuck them out it will be me. I'm not having someone else do it. I'll leave it a bit, but not too long. While it's there it's just an excuse to get in contact again. I'm going to take someone with me when I go. I'm sure it will be horrible and emotional. I don't want to be on my own in that situation. I don't want him trying to weedle his way in again.
I am upset. I don't hate him. I still love him. I just don't like who he has become. I won't ever be able to forget the past completely... I don't want to. I'll choose to remember what doesn't upset me. When you've had someone in your life for so long....even when it's not always been that great, it's frightening to think that they will be gone completely. It's also been positive for me.  I haven't thought about him that much at all. People have been telling me since we split that it's best to just go your own separate ways. They kept telling me I needed closure. I never took any notice. I guess I had to wait until I was ready. I do feel better about it all now. I don't need him at all. I don't want to be someone's second best. I'd rather be on my own. I feel strangely free.

Mental Floss

Here’s some of the random crap that floats through my brain at times, making me wish I could reach in there with some floss and scrub out the little grooves that provide convenient hiding places so it can pop out later and give me an ugly surprise:

1) Horrifying images, like the one I saw today on Facebook of a dead kitten whose sadistic bitch of an owner had allegedly put in the microwave for “attacking” her goldfish. Now, I’ve been admonished in recent days to ignore posts that may be upsetting, but this one was so graphic there was no way to miss it, and the idea that the story was probably fake didn’t help much. It wasn’t something that can be unseen, and if it doesn’t give me nightmares tonight I’ll be thankful indeed.

2) Replays of embarrassing situations, like when I went to the urgent-care center to have my injured foot looked at (which still hurts, by the way) and the doc was more interested in my mental health history than what I’d come in for. He even made a point of reading only part of my med list out loud. Not the blood-pressure meds or the vitamins or the diabetes pill…..just the psych stuff. Which goes to show that you can be college-educated, successful, and loved, but to some you’re just another wacko.

3) Stray dark thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere, even when God’s in His heaven and all’s right with the world. I can be going about my day, doing whatever it is I need and/or want to do, when the thought that suicide seems like a perfectly good option hits me like a ton of bricks. It usually goes away as fast as it strikes (unless I’m depressed, which is when it likes to linger a bit longer and whisper sweet nothings in my ear), but it’s disturbing and I doubt that ”normals” experience it. I’ve never had the guts to ask one though.

4) Memories—some of which may be false—of things I may (or may not) have said or done during manic episodes. My working memory is like a sieve at best, but more like Swiss cheese after such an episode, and someone could literally tell me I danced naked in a fountain and I’d have to believe them. That puts me at a distinct disadvantage, and my kids took shameless liberties with it back in the days when nobody knew what the hell was wrong with me. I hope nobody’s using that against me now.

5) Speaking of which……I hate those random, paranoid thoughts that creep in when I don’t have all my dawgs on one leash. As ridiculous as it must sound to those who do NOT live in my head, I wonder sometimes if people who don’t know me really well see me as an average Jill—which is the image I do my best to project—or if they can sense that….well….I don’t have all my dawgs on one leash.

6) Disjointed thoughts that have absolutely nothing in common, but seem to believe they all deserve to be thought at the same time. I’ll be pondering what to get Will for his birthday, and just then my brain will cut loose with thoughts about politics, the rotten winter we’re having, a relative I haven’t seen or heard from in years…….it’s like having all 275 TV channels on simultaneously. And that’s when things are going well. Who knew that brains were supposed to come with an OFF switch?

7) Endless tapes that play the same loop of music or bit of conversation until I want to scream. Even if it’s something I enjoy, the repetitive nature of this phenomenon will make me crazy if I don’t do something about it. This usually consists of visualizing a big red STOP sign and saying the word aloud, which is amazingly effective…..again, as long as the wheels aren’t falling off my little red wagon.

And that’s just SOME of the psychic flotsam and jetsam that drifts along in the murky chemical seas of my brain. I feel no need to share any more, for it would probably scare you to pieces while it’s just part of everyday life for me. I’ve never known any different. And what the hell…..I’m still here. But I hope someday that scientists will have the capacity to develop some sort of “mental floss” that fine-tunes the brain—and cleans out the gunk while it’s in there. :-)

 


From The Throne of Agony




Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel - The Throne of Agony (with lyrics)

I fucked up our taxes last year. I have cognitive issues. I hate doing taxes, and filling in federal forms just freaks my shit out. The cognitive issues - this I learned from reading medical statements on different occasions that my main shrink wrote, and just calling it as I see it.. I probably fucked up before last year too. And once again, I have fucked up this year and find that we're responsible for more taxes this year or the return will be a pittance. My spouse is just fucking beyond angry with me. He said, "Well, I guess we weren't meant to have nice things." He just wants money, and he's happy to sit on his ass and collect unemployment as well.

Nice things? Like what? A dozen fucking Fabergé eggs? What the fuck do people want? I don't need anything. What THINGS does he want that he can't already afford to buy himself already? It's not as if he really buys anything for the home. Much. Unless I put it on a stupidass "gift wish list" from amazon. Which has only happened twice. What's with the materialistic shit? Did that go out the window with not giving a shit whether I shaved my armpits or not? Throw some kind of old "punk" ideals and sense of freedom for all down the shitter? He was not like he is now 20 years ago. I am still the non-materialistic person, and don't give a shit whether anyone shaves their pits or not. What happened?

He's gone now. He got dressed after camping out in the bedroom for a few hours after the bad news about the taxes. He did some texting and got somebody to go and drink with him in some nearby neighborhood that he DROVE to. At least he learned his lesson last time and got a taxi, after throwing up in public, splashing himself and a workmate at the xmas party. Wonder what would have happened if I was there in the first place.

Anyway, no kiss good-bye, just a limp, unenthused "see ya latah", then he walks out, and locks the door. At least he locked the damn door.

I wanted to cry earlier. My eyes welled up with tears, but I'll be damned, hormonal attack and all, I'm not fucking crying over this or fucking taxes, or fucking money. I snapped out of it right quickly. I just refuse to let myself cry, because it makes me feel and look worse, has no effect on the situation, wastes energy and toilet paper, and the stiff-upper-lip spouse just ignores it. So it would be boo hoo for what? Nothing and nobody. It would make me feel worse and want to shoot myself in the head.

Maybe he'll find himself a wife with a job and no mental illness while he's out, and also younger, too. Then they can move to the suburbs like he wants. Yeah, he'd be better off without me. I'm just not into being the cook and Mexican cleaning lady that puts out. Sensing some anger here? Yeah, there's some anger, some that's probably justified on his part as far as getting a bigger return goes, I'll give him that. But what are you going to do about it? Go have a drinki. Smoke some pot. He won't. Chill the fuck out and quit creeping around like you're going to knife me in the back.

I. FUCKED. UP. I. ADMIT. IT. OK?! What do you expect to happen now? Why the FUCK don't you TALK about it?!

Maybe I should be the one to do the smoking, then it's bedtime for me. All pain is gone, I feel a little dumb and happy, not in control of my body so much, pains disappear, then I just want to sleep, like on a mountain of sweet Charmin ass wipe. Out of the way you stupid bears! Go back to the woods! .

I signed the tax form mess, but I have a feeling it isn't going to get signed by the spouse. My daughter will need some of that info for her financial aid application. I got some. I hope it's enough. Fuck. I just want to help HER. My darling who deserves no part of this shit somehow gets caught up in it. Maybe if he stepped up to the plate in the first place and showed her he gave a damn, but he did not. I wish she and I talked more about this. Hard subject to bring up and discuss. Makes me feel horrific guilt and that I failed her again.

Oh no.. He's back. No words for me. I don't care. I just want to take a huge dose of seroquel and clonazepam, and out sleep him tomorrow. I wish I could, but he's able to actually sleep around here. He gets up and makes all kinds of noise, No consideration of the fact that I'm still trying to sleep. Hell, he doesn't even shut the bedroom door.

What the hell am I doing. I'm starting to feel depressed when I'd rather turn that into anger... or something. Maybe just sleep. Extra seroquel available? I hope. At least it'll knock me right out. Ok. I'm not depressed. I'm just feeling a sense of impending doom. The gloom is here, just waiting for the doom to arrive. I guess we shall see tomorrow.

It's certain that I'll be going to bed alone tonight. That's part of his passive-agressive "punishment" game. I have no intention of playing that - tonight or tomorrow. I'll be the one to hide out in the bedroom all day tomorrow. I don't care. I just don't want to have anything to do with taxes or money. Fuck it all. The damage is done. No point in his kind of treatment, it's just immature.

What the fuck am I doing? Where are my meds when I need them? Where's my video or pic?


Only Human

I was going to write a flowery post full of recollections of time spent with my ex boyfriend and wishing him well. Then I read this post by Sarah at yesandyes.org and it really hit home as this has been on my mind for months.  I need closure and I’m not sure how to get it. I’m at a weird point of feeling guilty and relieved. I was not cruel during our breakup, but I know my bipolar made it harder than it needed to be. But most of my guilt stems from the fact that I fell in love with someone else while I was dating him. Having been betrayed by partners in the past, I knew ending our relationship was better than resentment, lies and deception.

I’ve always been very hard on myself, my own worst enemy, and I really need to give myself a break. I am only human and the heart is a tricky thing.Yet I don’t know that I would have changed how anything went. Did I know that on the day The Paramour introduced himself and shook my hand I’d feel the way I still do for him? That I was going to walk away from my boyfriend? No. But that was all it took. No cheating, no epic fighting. Just a hello and I was gone, head over heels.

I have always done my best to accept the path God has set me on and learn what I can from my travels. Hurting my ex was certainly never in my plans, but I am sorry for the hurt I did cause. I’m not proud of how things turned out, but I had to make the decision to honor this feeling in my heart…and my soul.

Filed under: Self Discovery Tagged: breakups, hurt, love, moving on, regret