The past week has found me busy with work, getting some exercise (Shamrock Shuffle is coming up soon!) and taking care of myself. I’m really amazed at the progress I have made simply by following a routine. Of course routines get boring and you start to feel like you’re living a half life, but when you have bipolar disorder, routine is your friend. My friends and family have noticed I seem a lot more stable and even on my new medicines and I know my new job, with it’s set schedule, is a huge factor into that. I get enough sleep most nights, eat and take my medicines at the same time and overall have some type of stability. This is a huge improvement over my rapid cycling. Not to say I’m out of the woods, but I’m definitely taking time to enjoy feeling quite good right now.
One thing I still have trouble with is pain left over from my break up with my ex fiancee. Time and distance and individual growth have all helped me to see we were always doomed. But logic never removes emotion from memories. I was feeling especially sad about it recently and decided I needed to stop beating myself up, to stop replaying the memories and to just breathe. I decided to be kind to myself and I’m happy to say I had a wonderful day as a result. I got a lot done around the house, but still managed to relax. I did a little decorating, a little cleaning and a lot of acknowledging just how far I’ve come. I’m not curing cancer or finding an alternative to fossil fuels, but I’m living my little life pretty well right now. When you’re in the throes of bipolar (or any mental illness) daily life is a sometimes insurmountable struggle. My depressive state would find me unable to take care of the house, myself or be effective at work. But in the last few weeks I’ve been able to stabilize my finances, make progress on certifications necessary for my job, start running again and spend time with my family. These are all things I’ve previously never been able to do simultaneously in my entire life. So yeah, pretty big deal to me.
I suppose that is what my message with this post is- to take time to be kind to yourself. Instead of looking at everything you haven’t done, or all the things you aren’t salvage your mood and focus on all the things you have done and all the things you are, which I’m sure are all quite awesome.