Daily Archives: February 2, 2014

Depression..

Depression..

So true. Too True.


Filed under: Images, mental health awareness, Videos

Her Bipolar Life

One of the things successful writers do is read the work of other writers, which is something I do as well, even though I’ll probably never be “successful” in the eyes of the world (which means being rich and famous and appearing on The Tonight Show). Actually, it’s not hard to keep up with the flow when the material is as lively and interesting as that written by Kat Dawkins of “Her Bipolar Life”, a blog that can be found on PsychCentral.

For the uninitiated, this website is the Amazon.com of all things mental health-related, from scholarly articles aimed at professionals, to tests and quizzes for the layperson, to support forums for those suffering from one or a number of psychiatric problems. It also features blogs written by both authorities on mental illness, and everyday people who live with it.

Enter “Her Bipolar Life”. While this blog is written from the perspective of a twenty-something woman with bipolar 2, I think it offers substantial wisdom to women of all ages with the condition. Kat writes with amazing clarity of life situations that are hard enough for the average female, and almost hopelessly complicated by the existence of bipolar disorder: Work. Relationships. Social expectations. Finances. Hormones. About the only major topic she doesn’t cover is parenting with bipolar disorder, and that’s only because she’s not a mom; but what she does write about, she discusses with complete honesty and makes no excuses when she screws up.

Like when she broke the window of her car by throwing a cell phone at it (which did the phone no good either). You’ve got to admire someone who will admit to being that out-of-control and then refuse to blame it on anyone or anything besides her own petulance at that moment. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten royally pissed and done something impulsive like that, then blamed it on my PMS or the bad day I was having or the idiot who cut me off in traffic. I also fell into a very bad habit for awhile of using BP as an excuse for everything that was wrong in my life, whether it was failure at work or just plain being an asshole.

The trouble with that line of thinking—besides the fact that it’s childish—is while having a mental illness affects everything in your life, it doesn’t absolve you of the responsibility to be a decent human being. That’s why it makes me so damn angry when the mass media automatically point to psych issues as the cause of every evil act these days. I suppose if you’re not MI, it must seem utterly illogical that someone would shoot up an elementary school or shopping mall just for the hell of it, but it happens. Why must it always be assumed that the perpetrator was insane at the time of the crime?

But that’s a rant for another day. Check out “Her Bipolar Life” on PsychCentral (after you’ve read about mine, of course) and let Kat know bpnurse sent you. I’m sure Kat would appreciate the visit, and it probably wouldn’t do my blog any harm either. ;-)

 

 


Shift-y

It was NOT an ass trash day mentally. Go figure. I’m not saying there were cartwheels being done on my part but…it was better than it’s been the last week or so. I was functional. Well, ish. I mean, I bathe and stuff, but sometimes my grooming is haphazard. I haven’t bothered to wear a bra out in public in five days. A truly good high functioning day includes a bra and that didn’t happen today. But as far as a shift in moods go..I’ll take “ish”.

Nothing happened. The big difference was in the weather. Sure, we got a bit of snow and an ice storm coated everything but the temp was above freezing. It seems to make a difference with seasonal affect, even if I can’t explain. Not arguing with it. I folded all the laundry, even scrubbed the bathroom down. I wasn’t a whirlwind but I wasn’t as lethargic and that’s good.

With mental illness, you take what you can get. You learn to appreciate things that seem infinitesimal to others yet are HUGE leaps and bounds for you. Just not wanting to die was excellent.

We’ll see how long it lasts. It could be the Viibryd starting to do something. It could be the difference in weather temp. It could be a fluke. I don’t need to know why. One day where I can think of one or two reasons to live is a winner.

So I have this thing for watching Deadly Women. But sometimes the way they deal with mental illness really becomes a thorn in my paw. Like calling Xanax a “bipolar medication” or “sleeping pill”.BULLSHIT. Like labeling anyone with mood swings “borderline personality disorder”. Like acting as if a woman who has a history of psychological abuse did something wrong by losing her mind. Sure, some are sane and just plain evil. But if you take a damaged person with mental issues and psychological scars and expect them to behave the same way as someone in their right mind…It just makes you look like a dumbass. Extenuating circumstancesm,ffs.

Oh…and the brainiack who commented, “If you met this woman, you would never know she had a bipolar personality.”

BIPOLAR IS NOT A PERSONALITY!!!!!!

That really pisses me off. I have come within an inch of okaying shock therapy to be rid of this shit because it’s NOT a personality, it is an illness and no one fucking asked me if I wanted it. I was just the unlucky winner of that suck ass genetic lottery. Saying bipolar is a personality is like saying diabetic is a lifestyle choice.

It’s one thing to be uninformed and ignorant of facts. But if you’re gonna put it on TV, do some damned research and get it right or shut the hell up.

I’m ranting. This is GREAT. I haven’;t had the passion to rant properly lately because I didn’t care enough to get bent about anything. This is progress.

I am sooo gonna pray to the sacred cow tonight to let me stay in this mental state awhile. Fiery and pissed off is sooo much better than sad sacky and kill-me-now.

From “Red Is The New Black” by Funeral For a Friend, a line that resonates with me:

This eventual stop, this break in the mould…I scream down this hotline…just to feel something.

It’s good to feel something again even if only for now.


Bowling Alley Blues

I’m sitting here in a broken down, small-town bowling alley. Family surrounding me – which should be a “safe” scenario. Instead, it feels life-threatening – like my heart is going to explode out of my chest, and just beat itself right down that bowling lane! Overwhelmed by the noise and nosy eyes, that I just […]