I’ve been trying to fall asleep for too many hours. My heart is racing, I’m perspiring. The house is silent. I’m fighting the twitches in muscles to spring from my bed and run outside. I don’t need a coat, gloves, boots, or a scarf. I’m only wearing my pajama shorts and a tank top; I am barefoot.
I want to run. I want to feel the cold air penetrate my skin. I want the darkness to envelop me. I want to hide in the bushes, skip through the trees, and curl up in a pile of snow.
Instead, I lie in bed, silently protesting against my body. I am battling mania.
This is what mania is for me. At night, I get the urge to explode with energy. I’ve found exercising right before bed helps me. Thirty minutes of riding the bike (indoors!) tires me out and calms me for a night of rest. Most people can’t exercise before bed; they get too wound up. For me, it’s the perfect solution. It’s also much safer than going for a midnight jog.
My ability to forget about my safety and wellbeing are part of the perils of mania. I’m not thinking about myself or anyone else; I’m completely focused on these primal feelings. When talking to my therapist, I didn’t know how to put this nighttime obsession into words. When I was younger, I called it Wolf Girl.
I can be manic without being Wolf Girl, but Wolf Girl always means mania.
What do your manic symptoms look like?
Also, thanks to everyone who helped me think of solutions for my nausea problem! I bought a bunch of things to try, and I’m working on a vlog about the whole experience.
Check out the new Free Stuff! page for a new printable I created. More downloads will be available shortly.
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