Well, I’m sort of back at square one again. I saw my psychiatrist today and we’re starting me on 2 new meds and keeping me on one I’ve been on for months. Still struggling financially so I currently cannot afford medications and therapy as well as psychiatrist visits so really hoping this is the right medication cocktail. Then I can focus on going to therapy and only seeing the psychiatrist intermittently.
As for The Paramour… I cannot stay away from him. He is either a blessing or a lesson (that applies to everyone, really) and I’m jumping in headfirst to learn which way it will go. We gamble hurt versus regret in every relationship, every chance we take. I am both excited and terrified and overall feeling…alive. He inspires oddly poetic thoughts in my mind and face-hurting grins. It’s an amazing feeling after being down in the dumps for so long. So in a sense, I’m back at square one with him, too.
It’s weird to say that being back at the beginning does feel right, that maybe I needed a reset or to wait for the boomerang to return so I can start moving forward.