Daily Archives: November 10, 2013

Superheroes, Dogs and Shockwaves

Musings on Super Heroes and Manic Stuff The power of the manic mind is that it moves so fast that it leaves societies’ restrictions, eating dust, breaking the barriers of […]

My Blog’s Namesake And Inspiration For The Rabbithole

I do not know why I have not posted this before now. This song is the namesake of my blog, …

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I Am The Dark Side Of The Moon

So, my divorce is official, and has been for about 2 months. You would think I would feel relief at …

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In An Odd Mood

Not sure where I’m at right now. Feeling restless and lonely and sad with no apparent reason. I simultaneously want to binge eat, cry, cocoon in my bed (preferably with my crush) for days and go Christmas shopping. I’m a mess.

I know for the sadness, it’s a combo of being on meds that I’m still adjusting to and falling for the whole “Their life is perfect” image being presented on several blogs I follow. That whole feeling of not being in the cool kids club. I shouldn’t fall for it, the glossy images posted, the claims that life is just *so* perfect and all the stars fell into place, being “right where you’re meant to be” malarkey. I’d like to read posts about their fights with their significant other over silly things, the times they went out in public with coffee stains on their shirt. I like the real stuff. The artificial puts me in this spin, messes with my perception of the things I’ve been blessed with.

I hate the “not good enoughs”. I feel this way a lot and it’s useless and does no good.  I wonder if I’ll ever rise above worrying what others are doing/saying/thinking.

I’m going to stop and remind myself that I am good enough, I have enough and I do enough for myself and others. They say comparison is the thief of joy and I’m walking proof of that right now. My life isn’t perfect and I’ve never claimed it to be, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad life-not an easy thing to remember sometimes.

Filed under: Self Discovery Tagged: affirmation, authentic, bipolar, comparison, jealousy, mixed state, reality, sad

Turn the Lights On, Will You?

Hey everybody, this is Chattery the Chipmunk here with an Arctic News Blast from Canada.  No, really!  Some of you may know that I’ve been down in the Black Hole for a long, long, long, long…..time.  I keep going to my psychiatrist and he manages to make me laugh somehow, so he knows I’m not hospital material yet.  But since I’m maxed out on the meds, there really hasn’t been anything to do except for hang on tight and think about my son and my dog and some other people who might be seriously bummed if I checked out.

Last week, though, Shrink-O-Matic had a brilliant idea!  Light therapy!  He gave me a “prescription” for a 10,000 Lux blue spectrum light made in Canada, where they really know from Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It mimics the light of a beautiful blue sky!

Now, I am so sensitive to light that my mood changes for the worse if a cloud even covers the sun for a few seconds.  I think one of the reasons I love to be in Israel (one of the many, many reasons) is that if I’m feeling down all I have to do is step outside into the Mediterranean Middle East blue sunny skies and I’m much better.

The instructions that came with the lamp say to use it for 20-30 minutes once a day in the morning.  So I’ve been doing that, and it has been helping some.  Then my therapist on Thursday had the bright idea that I should try using it twice a day.

So today I used it first thing in the morning, and again around 2 pm.  So far I have gone for a long walk with The Dog, swept and vacuumed the entire house (if you can call this a house–it’s actually an unimproved barn-like structure, but it keeps the rain out and has heat), and redid my fan page on ReverbNation, and tried to learn something about investing in stocks, and…I am not at all tired, and it’s 10 pm, and I don’t think I’ll do that again.

It feels something like being on steroids, which is why I hated being on steroids when I had to take them because of inflammation.  I think it could definitely lead to mania if continued.

So, tomorrow will be a one-dose day.  Nevertheless, it is such a relief to NOT be depressed–you know what I mean–that I’ll take a hypomanic episode every now and then if that’s the way it has to work.  I just have to write it on the inside of my eyelids: don’t buy stocks when hypomanic!!!