Daily Archives: October 30, 2013

Wednesday’s Quote: Melody Moezzi

“Telling someone who is manic that she’s manic is like telling a dictator that he’s a dick. Neither is going to admit it, and both are willing to torture you to prove their points.”

– Melody Moezzi,  Haldol and Hyacinths: A Bipolar Life

 

 

 

What I’ve Not Been Saying

Okay, so I’ve been circling around saying something for a couple of weeks now. It’s nothing bad in the scheme of things; it’s actually quite good. But because of reasons that are no longer relevant, I was keeping mum about my pregnancy. Yup, #2 is a-cookin’, due mid June, etc. I’m nearly eight weeks in, which means… well, a lot more to go.

Now, it’s pained me to not speak of it here, because while I am quite pleased that we took so quickly (first month of trying with the first one, second month of second attempt of trying for this one), I’ve got a lot more worries on my head this time. For instance, I didn’t find out about my bipolar until after Lilbit was born. Which means that since then, I’ve started putting drugs in my system that aren’t exactly ideal for little fetal invaders — that definitely keeps me panicking until my dating scan in December! Besides the reassurance that the kiddo is healthy and not some sort of multi-limbed mutant, I also need the peace of mind that comes from making very very sure it’s only one baby. I know people think the idea of twins is adorable, but we absolutely can’t handle that. My support network is aged — my in-laws are retirement age, and my beloved husband is nearly 40 and quite creaky.

And of course, there’s the whole meds situation. See, I want a home birth again. I don’t pick this option because of relative crunchiness — I pick this option because hospitals stress me out to the point I can count on having a nervous breakdown in under an hour from being over-stimulated. But to be able to have that choice, I will have to come off of one or both of my meds to assuage both my psychiatrist and my midwife. I do have a relative plan of action in mind — if I come off the Seroquel in the last 3 or 4 months of pregnancy, that should hopefully avoid the worst of the potential complications. I’m emphatically not breastfeeding this time, so that issue is not a consideration. As for the Zoloft? It’s my understanding that it’s considered to be generally safe during pregnancy, so I will try to, at the very least, stay on that. Having said that, I might opt to completely come off if my psychiatrist is on board. My mood was very stable last pregnancy, and while I know that every pregnancy is different, I’m willing to take the risk if my mood looks to be holding stable. I’m already surviving bad sleep and terrible insomnia, so maybe!

So we’ll see. My first appointment with my midwife is at the top of the hour, and I see my psychiatrist in two and a half weeks. I’m choosing to be optimistic that we’ll be able to strike the right balance between my psychiatric care and my healthy carrying and delivery of Microbutt (as I’m calling the fetal invader currently). I’m probably going to be a wreck until after the scan though, which… I reckon that’s reasonable. There’s a lot more to be considered this time around!

<3

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