There is blue Play-Doh stuffed in the crevices of my shoes. This realization has canned the subject I signed on to write about. How did this mysterious Doh get there? If only my two year old could talk. I’m sure he knows a thing or two about it.
Motherhood has been bringing me more joy than woe lately. I’m not saying I have not been extremely frustrated at level 12 on a scale of 1-10 on almost an hourly basis. I have. But I have had some very sweet moments with my son as well. He loves giving snuggles and kisses, for one thing. So even after he has thrown a bowl of cereal across the kitchen, refused to help clean it up, and screamed through a time-out, he can still melt my heart afterwards by giving me that tear-stained smile that says “I love you even though you were mean enough to make me mind you, Mommy” and it reminds me how blessed I am to have him in my life.
And just then, he shut down the computer…good thing those two previous paragraphs were saved!
As far as mental stability goes, it blows. I go from extreme distress where I am desperate enough to call my old psychiatrist and make an appointment (tomorrow, always tomorrow) to feeling quite well and content, sure that I will be alright without any help at all from a doctor. And of course this flip flop of perspective is common for me (anyone who has read half my blog knows that, and certainly the people who know me in real life are sure of it) but whether new drugs or a new therapist would help rectify the problem, I don’t know. I lose my faith in psychology fairly often. Sooner or later, I always come back to my senses, renew my gusto to try, try just a little more. But I’m still not feeling it for now. After eight years of try this med, try that med, I’m not sure any of it is a right fit for me. But of course, stability is a must for me. I have a young son to care for, two older daughters who need me as well, and I would like to be more of a joy than a wreck for my fiance to be around as well.
Honestly, taking a break from my Facebook page has helped a lot. I was obsessing about it way too much, checking it every few minutes, searching for new content, creating new content, answering private messages concerning dislike for the content, etc. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoy doing the page, and I do hope to ease back into it soon, but it’s been a relief not to have that responsibility the past few days. I have actually had time to read! And oh how I love to read. It’s that hobby that always gets shoved to the corner. We go to the library nearly every week and I almost always get a book or two for myself, but almost never read them! So it’s nice to do more than just glance wistfully at them from across the room, to instead actually open them up and escape into another writer’s mind. It’s been too long since I allowed myself that enjoyment.
I have also exercised this week. Outside! Wow!
To sum it up, it really is the little things in life that add up to the most in terms of good mental health. Yes, many of us need the medication and/or the therapy. I am not saying those things are not important. But just as crucial are the activities we fill our days with. Who we spend our time with and how we spend it matter. A lot! I am thankful that I have had a few days to focus on things that bring me happiness. Like my son, reading, breathing in the Autumn air. I don’t want to be a slave to the computer, or to my thoughts. I hope I can hang on to this sensibility and not lose sight of it again.
And now, I am off to clean my shoes!