Daily Archives: October 11, 2013

Fall

Reblogged from Dean J. Baker – Poetry, and prose poems: © Dean J. Baker photo (c)http://lesplaisirssimplesdelavie.wordpress.com/ Put in a friend …

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Introspection

My blog has been silent this week as I pondered away from my computer. I have been thinking about who am I as a person, who I would like to be, and the path that will lead me through that transformation.
On Monday night, I had a life-changing experience. I stood up in front of a room of strangers, and I delivered a TED-style talk on mental health. First, I shared statistics, the numbers that rule the mental health world. Second, I shared a brief synopsis of my mental health history, and third, I asked my audience to consider sharing their own stories with friends, family, and the public through social media. The reaction I got was so intense that I thought I was having a hypomanic episode. A few listeners came up afterwards and told me their stories and thanked me for sharing mine. One upperclassman asked me if I spoke publicly regularly. This shocked me, because I had been ridiculously nervous. What shocked me most, however, was how receptive people were to the message of fighting stigma. I felt the tea light within me blaze into a torch, the flames licking my heart and providing me with a penetrating warmth.
I can say with a high degree of certainty that I have found a mission. I had stumbled upon it earlier, through my blog, but now my sense of purpose has been renewed and invigorated. I want to do everything possible to share the message that mental health issues truly affect every one of us. My first step is creating a video version of the talk I delivered so that it can be shared online. I am in the preliminary stages of developing a podcast that will allow others to share their experiences with mental illness. The ideas are spinning through my mind faster than I can capture them on paper. I am excited to wake up each morning and continue this effort.
The only troubling part about this discovery of passion is how it fits into my academic life. I am currently a chemistry education major, but I want to focus more on psychology and media. I’m not sure how this will work out. I’m going to avoid making any decisions just yet as I continue to develop my cause as a hobby.
After such a long time of shiftlessness and murky dissatisfaction, a feeling of usefulness is a welcome change. Despite the rain pouring outside my window, I have a sunny disposition. Bring on the rainbows.

IMDb’s 30 Great Movies About Mental Illness

IMDb’s 30 Great Movies About Mental Illness

This link is for IMDb’s 30 Great Movies About Mental Illness, and I must say a lot of them I didn’t know was about mental illness. I must watch all of them, but then again, why should I watch them when I live it… :(

Are there any on the list you love or think should be added?

Things to do today:

Things to do today:

We can survive this! We can!

Sick and Tired

It’s been a difficult ride lately.  I’ve been sharing for a long time now that I’ve been dealing with depr3ssion.  I mean, yeah, I live with it daily, but it’s been beating me beyond normal wear and tear.  I met with my therapist on Wednesday and we discussed this.  He was surprised that I have been unsuccessful getting my pdoc to adjust my meds a bit.  This became especially true when I told him I’ve been having suicide ideation.  I’m not one who goes running to the doc to get more or different drugs every time the wind blows.  Psych meds have vastly improved my life, but I know their risks and treat them with great respect.  My pdoc knows this, which is why it’s surprising that he hasn’t been listening to me.   At my next appointment I am going to adamantly let him know that my meds MUST be adjusted.  While the depression has been eating me out on the inside, I’ve been hiding it pretty well on the outside, but that is getting more difficult to do.

One thing the depression and anxiety is affecting is my ability to read.  Reading other blogs is normally part of my daily routine, but I’ve been doing very little of it lately.  I’ve struggled enough reading for my English class.  That wears me out.  Blog posts that are around 900 words or more are especially difficult, or should I say, damn near impossible.  Instead, I’ve been vegin’ out in my chair watching tv, and I am normally not a tv watcher. I’m really getting sick and tired of this.

There is one positive aspect of being depressed all the time: I never run out of ideas to post about.  How’s that for a silver lining?

But it’s not my fault?






It would be oh so easy to blame everything I say or do on bipolar. It would give me an excuse for every dumb thing I've ever said or done. Of course it would be very wrong and of course it wouldn't be true. Yes having bipolar can cause me at times to be excessively talkative, angry, promiscuous, paranoid, the list goes on. There are times when being bipolar means I haven't got total control. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't take responsibility for my actions. If I've hurt someone I need to apologise. If I've let people down I need to sort it.
I do take responsibility by trying to keep myself well. I take my medication. I've made sure I know as much as I can about bipolar. I try to steer clear of triggers like alcohol, late nights, certain people. I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle. The thing is no matter how much I do, it doesn't always work and the bipolar takes over. There's a very fine line between what is just me and what is the illness.
Sometimes it works the other way round. I blame myself yet the truth is I really couldn't help it. I'm sure I'm too tough on myself at times. If I think about it I actually manage my condition pretty well.
After any episode I can't help but spend hours ruminating over what I've done. Did I say the wrong thing? Did I do the wrong thing? Does everybody hate me? Have I upset people? Have I spent too much money? Bipolar or not I have to deal with the consequences.
I don't thing there is a concrete answer. Blaming myself, blaming others or blaming bipolar? It doesn't really serve any purpose.
Admit what's gone wrong and try to deal with it. That's the best I can do.

Mental Illness Awareness Week?

Did anyone know that its MENTAL ILLNESS AWARENESS WEEK?

Is anyone else NOT aware of this? Where is the holiday? the day off? the meetings? the run/walks/8ks/10ks? where is the awareness?

!!!!!

 

(p.s. I found the ONE link to it.. http://www.nami.org/template.cfm?section=mental_illness_awareness_week . Happy MIA week!)

My Cat Thinks I Am Depressed

  My cat will not leave me alone. She has to be on me, or touching me with a paw. …

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World Mental Health Day

You can call me late for the party, you can call me whatever you want (just don’t call me crazy) because I know it’s the end of the day and I’m finally posting about this very special and important day. Today is World Mental Health Day!

I blog for World Mental Health Day

To commemorate the day I went to my semi-annual appointment with my psychiatrist. (Okay, so I’ve actually had the appointment set for six months, without realizing the significance of the date until a couple of weeks ago). The appointment went well, we chatted about things, you know, the usual. He knows about my blog and reads it/has read it (shout out Dr M!) and told me again how much he likes it and that he thinks it’s “high quality.” We talked about things in the media, in the news and in society regarding mental health. When he started writing my prescriptions, he wrote the date on the first one and when I saw the “10-10″ it clicked in my head again about it being World Mental Health Day and I said it out loud to him. He looked at me over his glasses and smiled and said “I’m aware” and let out a little laugh. Awesome.

sameperson

I started this blogging journey about 6 months ago and it’s been a really good experience. I’ve had all positive feedback. I really thought people would hate me and that I’d lose friends. The truth is, I gained friends over the bond of understanding and experiencing mental health. Read my “coming out” post here, back in the beginning.  I literally wrote

“I hope I don’t lose friends over this, y’all. People will always say “if you lose friends over this, they aren’t your “real friends”…” and as true as that is, it would still hurt. Either way, I’m opening myself up. Take me for who I am.”

Thank you for taking me for who I am.

Today, on World Mental Health Day, and tomorrow, and the next day, and then some day next week, when it’s just another day– I hope that you’ll continue to embrace me, embrace mental health and show love and support for someone you know with a mental illness.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if 1-in-4 people suffer from a mental illness, that means we all know someone who does. It’s likely someone close to you. Be that person to accept and support someone who is hurting, but because of the nasty stigma attached to mental illness, wouldn’t otherwise seek help. You be that help.

Happy World Mental Health Day, friends,

Keep the conversation going,

With many thanks,

Mrs Bipolarity